Half inch piece of skin.

The truth is I was confused. I was confused because my penis has skin on it and when I change in the locker room everyone laughs at me, at first when I was younger I would laugh with them just to fit in, unaware that I was the one being laughed at. I was being funny without being funny. I was laughed at because a half inch piece of skin. America is funny like that, a half inch piece of skin kind of funny. A few years later I finally caught on to why I felt uncomfortable being naked, because I was going to get laughed at for my penis with the half-inch of skin punch line. So I made it a point to change in stalls and use the excuse that I need to crap so I'll just change after I'm done.

         When I turned 18 I finally had sex with my girlfriend, it took almost a year and a half before we finally did it. A year and a half of kissing and groping and awkward fondling everything I did was awkward. Even if it wasn't my fault, like having a half inch piece of skin on my penis. When a man asks another man if he wears a turtleneck, chances are he's not talking about clothes. It's still a fashion trend almost all men wear a turtle neck in Europe and even Japan.

          I remember being so nervous the first time I placed my hands on her chest, I was worried she was going to think I was a pervert or something. High school health class made me awkward. Then she did it herself; she just took her shirt off, almost like she wanted to be naked.

         The sex professionals say one in four people have an STD and that just by simple touching these stds can be transmitted. I was unaware at the time that you had to have sex to get a sexually transmitted disease. Health class taught me a lot. The first time I took off her skirt and we were in my bed and she was sitting on top of me, in almost nude. I kept seeing a slide show in my mind, "genital herpes are painful sores that will never go away" then boom! A giant picture of a flaccid, herpes infected dick as big as a classroom wall. She would grind on me because we both didn't know what to do. Then boom! A wall sized dick with puss coming from the tip. We would press our bodies hard against each other, almost until it hurt and then boom! A giant dick covered in warts. Soon I was sweating. Taking silent bets on which of these monstrous Sexually transmitted diseases she would give me. Health class taught me so much. And then she would find out my fashion sense, she would know I'm more of a turtleneck kind of guy, I have more of a European style. She would find out how much of a comedian I am, with my American punch line half inch of skin. I was funny like that, the way a circus clown is funny.          

         There we were, naked and kissing each other. We were real pros at kissing and touching each other and then because health class taught us one out four, I unwrapped a condom and tried putting it on. I was awkward again, putting a raincoat over a turtleneck, what a silly idea. This is just fashion really. We had all kinds of raincoats, purple ones, red ones, blue ones, clear ones, ones that were suppose to taste like strawberry and blueberry. Because, health class taught us one out of four. But the people who made these rain coats must have gotten the recipes wrong because every time she kissed me I would taste what's called latex, a synthetic rubber. It's bitter, cheap and bitter fashion.

         So we were kissing and rubbing our hands all over each other and I finally figured out how to put a raincoat on and what happened next changed my life forever. I was inside, and that's where I stayed. Because we didn't know what to do. So we kind of did this silly dance, if I had to call it anything I would call it the "wiggle" it was the only dance we knew. Later I found out that there are all kinds of dances for that sort of thing. I learned that there was the doggy, and the reverse cowgirl, and the pogo and the pretzel and the pile driver and that some people were doing the Bend Dover, the bodyguard and the Ballerina.

         It's all fashion really, the dancing, the turtleneck, the different kinds of raincoats. It's a funny fashion show. Then BOOM! a giant vagina littered with sores. Health class taught me a lot.