Guitar Love - Resonance of Hearts Part 6

24 Northern Cold Front

         Daff lay awake late in the night staring up at the hotel room ceiling.  Sara's soft breath stirred the hairs on his chest where her head lay on his shoulder.  He absently brushed a light kiss on her forehead.  She didn't wake from sleep but her soft lips caressed his chin and she snuggled closer against him.  Jay's hand flexed on the curve of her hip but he remained soundly asleep.

         The phone call to his sister earlier in the day had done nothing to ease his worries.  According to Kate the family was still very much in the family business - underworld business.  Business today wasn't quite as organized as it had been back in the 20's and 30's when the North Side Gang had rivaled Al Capone's Chicago Outfit, but almost all of Daffy's male relatives, including his father and three brothers, were still involved in theft, smuggling, money laundering, auto theft and the odd assault.  His favorite uncle - his mother's only brother who had been run out of Chicago twenty years ago by the family - was still sitting in a Louisiana prison for a bar knifing that had taken place some ten years or so past.  There was no way he wanted his loved ones in any way involved.  Hell, he didn't even want them to know he had such a criminal family.  He had no idea what to do about the situation.  Sara and Jay were encouraging him to try to make peace with his family but even Jay, who had known him better than anyone the past ten years or more, didn't understand how bad the situation could get.

         They had raised him with a hard hand.  He had learned auto theft and car stripping as a young boy, and breaking and entering in his early teens.  When he had failed or refused to cooperate, he had been beaten.  His only joys as a boy had been spending time with his uncle in the gambling dens, and rare hours with his mother, who had taught him how to play guitar.  When she had been killed in a drive-by the family had blamed Daff's uncle and had driven him out of town.  The young boy's hard life turned into a nightmare after that.  He had been barely sixteen when he had packed his guitar on his back and a few clothes in a bag and ran away from home to get away from his violent father and older brothers, who had wanted to keep him him solidly in the family business.

         Daff would be eternally grateful to Ollie and the others for taking him in long ago.  He had spent several harrowing months surviving through a miserable Chicago winter on the streets and in homeless shelters to avoid his family after running away from home.  He had managed to get occasional work playing guitar - a night here, two there - but had been mostly starving and frozen until the night he had stepped into one of the clubs he had frequented looking for work and One Night Stand had showed up for a scheduled set without their guitarist.  The guy had stormed out only an hour before their gig after a terrible fight with Ollie over a girl.  Daff had offered his services, even though he had never heard their music before.  One short hour of feverish practice later he had played the most impassioned set of his young life and the band had offered him a place on the bus and a chance at a better life.  His loyalty would always lie with them.

         In the gray light of early morning he rose quietly, leaving his sleeping wife safe in the arms of his best friend.  After a quick shower he dressed casually, pulling on faded jeans and t-shirt, adding a lightweight hooded jacket he had borrowed from Ollie in hopes of remaining unrecognized on the streets.  His destination was three blocks south on N. Michigan Ave. and a block over on E. Pearson to Ghirardelli's Chocolate Shop, about a five-minute walk in good traffic.  He had promised his sister Kate, the baby of the family, a fudge sunday and cocoa while they talked so had told her to meet him there.  He remembered she had a weakness for dark chocolate and wanted to treat her with something special.  He hadn't seen Katie since she was in pigtails, and had missed her terribly.

         Stepping into the busy shop Daff looked around.  There were plenty of people both in the chocolate shop and at the soda fountain, but he didn't think any of them were his kid sister.  Their family tended to produce strawberry blonds and redheads, but the only candidate was an auburn beauty sitting at the soda fountain.  She turned toward the door, her long, straight mane swinging down past her seat.  He had just enough time to notice that she was at least eight months pregnant when her face lit up like a sun and she rushed toward him on surprisingly fleet feet.

         "Declan, there you are!" she embraced him enthusiastically and kissed his wiry cheek.

         Daff's numb brain could barely comprehend that the very pregnant woman in his arms was his very own baby sister - she had grown up!  Stepping back to arm's length he took a serious look at the beaming madonna.  If she hadn't called him by his given name he would never have recognized her.

         "Katie?!  I can't believe it's you!  You've grown so much - and in surprising ways..." he floundered.  She hadn't ever mentioned a man in her life - on the few instances they'd talked over the years.

         She flashed dimples, but he caught shadows in her eyes.  "I AM almost twenty-six, Declan.  I'm not a little girl anymore, even though the family doesn't see it."  She laid a hand on her swollen belly.  "It's been lonely all these years without you and Mom.  I met a good man, Remy-Louis Fournier, last year in the neighborhood... he said his uncle had been stabbed to death by a Murray from Chicago years ago, and he had come to try to find him.  I didn't know anything about his situation, as it had happened down in New Orleans years ago, but we got to know each other very closely.  I thought he loved me, but suddenly one day he told me he had made a mistake and had to go home.  Shortly after that I found out I was pregnant" she ducked her head in shame.  "Dad and our brothers would have killed Remy if he had still been here then.  I'm glad he left before he could find out what kind of family we have.  I try to stay away from them as much as possible.  It's easier now that they know I'm such a terrible person and they don't want anything to do with me."  A tear trembled in her long lashes and he brushed it away tenderly.

         Wrapping her in his arms Daff rested his cheek on her head.  "Don't cry, pet, you'll do me in.  You should have told me right away you were in trouble, I would have come straight out to get you.  That's something I should have done a long time ago, but I thought you'd be better off with the family as I'm always on the road."  He kissed her cheek, resting his hand on her shoulder.

         "You know, I haven't gone by Declan since I ran away from home.  Everybody calls me Daffy, or Daff.  I changed my name from Murray to Castillo about eight years ago out of respect for the people who have been like parents to me since the day I met them in California.  You'd like Mr. and Mrs. C.  They keep all us guys in line when no one else ever could and made us want to be better than we were.  We were all pretty lost when we moved out to San Mateo, but they made us welcome and treated us like sons, and we've loved them ever since."

         Shoppers and tourists milled about them, brushing past in the crowded shop.  Daff leaned over to snag a napkin from the counter so Katie could wipe her tears.  He led her gently back to her seat at the soda fountain and they ordered cocoa and looked over the menu.  His head was spinning with what she had told him.  Remy-Louis Fournier was the name of one of Jay's first cousins.  Jay's family had called some months back asking if he knew where his young cousin had disappeared to.  The young man hadn't told anyone where he was going, only leaving a note that there was "business" up North he was going to deal with.  He still hadn't been found.  Daff now had a sinking feeling they never would - he was very much afraid the family had "dealt" with the young cajun asking questions and messing with their sister.

         They chatted a bit then, small, inconsequential things, while both circled around more important issues they were wary to bring up.  She made short work of her sunday, trying to tempt him with a bite of brownie and ice cream, but he declined, too upset for sweets.  Kate hadn't seen her youngest brother in over ten years, wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, but was afraid he would turn his back on her like the rest of the family had done.  She was very much alone and afraid, more so now that she was too far along in her pregnancy to work even part-time.  What would she do when the baby was born?

         He watched her devour the rich dessert like a starved thing - and from the looks of her, maybe she was.  The bulge of her pregnancy appeared more pronounced because the rest of her was so thin.  The bones in her wrists stood out clearly and her face was wan and pinched-looking.  He sighed.  How could the family abandon her to starve like this?  He knew they still held to their Irish-American roots, but damn it all, none of them were saints.  Even he had been no innocent boy by the time he had run away from the violence of their home.  That level of conceitedness and double standardism was enough to make him choke.

         Kate squared her shoulders.  She wouldn't cower and grovel anymore, nor beg  forgiveness for being human.  "I'm happy to see you again after all these years, Declan, but if you keep looking at me like I'm a fallen woman in need of stoning then I'm going to leave.  I've already been condemned enough by the rest of the family to last me a lifetime - I won't take it from you too." she spoke with a calmness that belied the clawing fear in her belly.

         His face went blank with shock.  "Katie, I'm not condemning you for anything" he  assured her earnestly.  "I can see that you've had it rough and I could kill them for mistreating you so badly.  They should have been taking care of you, not throwing you out in the cold.  Where are you staying now?  Do you have money? A job? Someone to help you out?"  He could see she was tearing up, so he gathered her into his arms and snagged her another handful of napkins.

         "I've been staying with a friend, but I can't wait tables anymore because my back hurts too much and I'm running out of money."  She sighed dejectedly.  "I honestly don't know what I'm going to do when the baby is born."  She rested her head wearily on his broad chest and let his warmth seep into her chilled soul.

         Daff stroked her hair tenderly.  "We're going to go collect your things and then you're going to come with us - the family be damned for all I care.  I had thought I'd try to make peace with them while we're here this time, but it'll just have to wait for another day or not at all.  Come on, hon, you can meet my family.  Alex is just over a month old now and growing like a weed, and Sara knows just what you're going through - she spent the end of her own pregnancy on strict bedrest."  They headed for the store side of the shop.  "Our tour is heading back out California way now - when we get home in a couple weeks Sara and Alex will be staying behind.  You can stay with them at our house, where you'll be well looked after.  Mr. and Mrs. C will be right next door and I think Rowena - that's Mickey's girlfriend - will be coming to stay as well.  She started expecting in May, and he doesn't want her staying alone in their apartment while we're on tour, so you'll have plenty of company until we come back around.  You don't have to be alone anymore, sweetheart.  We'll take care of you."  On the way out he stopped long enough to fill a basket with a heaping assortment of chocolate treats for the girls, and arranged for it to be delivered to the Drake Hotel ahead of them.

         Outside the shop Daff hailed a cab, and when they arrived at the building she was living in left instructions for the cab to wait for them.  The tiny apartment was barely fit to live in, and he could see that Kate was embarrassed for him to see it.  He gave her a few minutes to gather her few meager things, leaving a thank-you note and some cash for the unknown friend while she wasn't looking.  He carried her belongings out to the cab - a small suitcase of clothes and a duffel bag of worn books and photo albums - and they rode to the Drake.

         When they arrived Sara made much fuss over her new sister, welcoming her warmly and watching over her like a protective hen lest she be overwhelmed by the crowd of men.  Kate was obviously tired from the emotional meetings of the day and Sara suggested they take some quiet time and put Alex down for his afternoon nap.

         After the women had retired to the bedroom the guys sat down together over coffee and a mixed bag of chocolates they had managed to liberate from the gift basket when Sara wasn't looking.  Daff sat down with a heavy heart and explained the situation, talking directly to Jay while the others listened.  He watched his best friend's face turn to stone and prayed that the situation didn't drive a permanent wedge between them.

         "Do you mean to tell me your uncle killed my old man?" Jay asked in a quiet voice.  No one dared to move or breathe.  "Did you know about this all these years, brother?"  he looked the big man dead in the eye.  His Cajun accent, usually unnoticeable under normal circumstances, became almost thick enough for an alligator to walk on.

         Daff shook his head.  "I don't know, Jay.  I never knew.  I heard years ago that he went away down in Orleans, but only heard about it a few years after I left home, and never heard what he went away for.  It never occurred to me to connect him to your father's death or even that it had happened at the same time.  Katie doesn't know if it was him or not either.  I don't trust the family any farther than I can throw them, but I can call the prison and ask my uncle.  If he doesn't want to talk about it over the phone we'll visit next time we go down there."  He hung his head a moment, then gave Jay the truth he hadn't been able to say out loud to his own sister.

         "I think the family may have had something to do with Remy-Louis' disappearance."  He pulled a small picture out of his shirt pocket and laid it on the table between them.  "He came to Chicago sure that my uncle was involved in your father's death and started asking questions.  He had no way of knowing how much danger he was in.  Then he met Katie and they fell in love.  She's carrying his child."

         Jay looked at the picture of the happy young couple and nodded.  "Then she's family" he acknowledged without question.  "I'll call my family and let them know what you said.  They may send someone to Chicago to see what they can find out about my cousin's whereabouts or remains.  Is there any reliable way to find out from "the family" what really happened, or are they entirely dishonest?" he asked tranquilly.  The others stirred uneasily but didn't yet want to interfere if they didn't have to.

         Something broke inside.  "I'll make some calls and see what I can find out" Daff promised.  I'll call the prison first and talk to my uncle - I'm pretty sure at least he won't lie to me.  The family may not officially be mafia in this day and age, but they still think like they are.  I don't mind admitting that I don't want to make them angry while you guys are still in town... they put me in the hospital several times when I was a kid and I don't want them making an example of any of you, especially when I'm taking Katie home with us.

         Jay took a deep breath and tried to control his roiling emotions.  "You may not be to blame, but your family may have cost me and mine two very close family members.  I don't know what to think about that yet.  I don't want to blame you for that, but I'm not sure I want to look at you right now, brother.  Tell Sara not to worry about me - I'm going out for a walk...." he strode out, slamming the door.

         Jerry fluffed his fingers through his long hair.  "Well, that went well."  He turned to his youngest brother.  "It's not your fault, Daff, but this is going to be a mess.  You really didn't know about all of this before, did you?" he laid a reassuring hand on his younger brother's shoulder in support.

         Daff shook his head.  I had no idea, but maybe I would have if I hadn't kept such a distance from them all this time."  He shook his head in defeat.  "I can't believe my family has caused such destruction between us, but I'll do everything I can to make things right.  I just don't know how much I can fix things the family have already screwed up."



         In a quiet room Daff sat down with heavy thoughts and dialed information.  After a great deal of explaining, arguing and near-begging to a number of operators and correction facility officials a wary voice with the faintest hint of northern accent came on the line.

         "Who is this and what do you want?" the voice asked gruffly.

         "Uncle Sean, it's Declan" he winced inwardly to use his given name.  "I didn't know where you were before or I would have called or visited sooner.  I haven't been in touch with the family for a very long time."

         "Declan, my boy!" the voice on the line instantly warmed.  "Well bless me lad, it's good to hear your voice.  Did the black-hearted bastards up North tell you what I'd done to end up here?" he asked warily.

         Daff sighed.  "Katie told me.  Look, Uncle Sean, there's trouble - bad trouble - and I think the family is to blame.  Katie met a young Cajun last year named Remy-Louis Fournier who was in town looking for information on a Murray he believed had stabbed his uncle Luc down in Orleans.  It just so happens that Luc Fornier's son is my best friend and bandmate so I happen to know a bit about this story already - just not that a Murray might have been involved.  Katie told me Remy-Louis disappeared just before she found out she was pregnant with his child.  I'm thinking maybe the family disappeared him."

         "That sounds like something they would do to protect the family" his uncle acknowledged.  "And you think your dear Uncle Sean, taking his leisure for just such a crime might be responsible for your friend losing his father, is that it?" he asked with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

         "I'm asking you what happened.  You're serving your time for a knifing and you don't need my condemnation on top of that.  But if the man you killed was Jay's dad it's going to affect our friendship and possibly our band.  I need to know" he implored.

         The line was silent for a moment.  "You always were a straight lad" his uncle acknowledged.  "You can rest your mind on my account, at least.  Fournier was killed in the same bar, but he wasn't the only one who died there.  I barely made it inside when the fighting broke out, everywhere at once it seemed.  I had the poor luck of being between the door and a pair of men who wanted out of it, and one of them pulled a knife on me.  Well, I might not have been quite in the same league as your old man and brothers at the fighting, but I'd spent most of my life in back rooms and gambling halls and giving a man his knife back point first was a reflex reaction.  The man with him was a better fighter.  He planted my face in the floor for me and had me trussed before I could blink.  Bad luck for me he was an off-duty criminal detective.  There wasn't a thing he could do as his friend bled out next to me but stand his ground and keep the rest of the brawlers from trampling us until help arrived.  I had gone in wanting to hear Fournier and his mates play, but things turned out otherwise.  I heard later he had been killed - a crying shame, as he was a good man and a talented musician.  We'd met and shared drinks before....  You can tell your friend I mourned his loss and settled his score for him.  That detective came to see me one day shortly after I'd arrived here and happened to mention who it was had done the deed.  They found that fellow less than a month later with a permanent smile on his face" he chuckled a bit at the joke.

         Daff appreciated the cold humor.  "I'll let him know, thanks.  I'm glad to hear it wasn't you that did it - it would have killed something in me to lose my best friend" he said.

         "Is this the same friend I hear you let sleep with your wife?" the older man asked with censure.  "That's no way to keep the sanctity of marriage, lad."

         "My home life is my own business" Daff growled into the phone.  "And the fact that I'm willing to share the woman I love more than life with him should tell you something about how close he and I are.  He's more of a brother to me than any of the ones I share blood with."

         "Aye well, and blood comes in many forms..." Sean acknowledged cryptically.  "That bunch never did a good deed in their miserable lives and have made a good many suffer.  I'm glad you got away from them when you did, lad.  It sounds as though your sister will be needing your help now."

         "She's with me and we'll be taking her back to California with us" Daff promised.  "The Murrays be damned."

         His uncle laughed heartily at that.  "And so they are, lad, so they are."  He paused.  "I'll be finishing my time here soon.  After such a long and pleasant vacation I don't quite know what I'll be doing with myself."  The quiet plea was there, but he couldn't bring himself to ask.

         "Call me when it's time."  Daff thought for a moment.  "I'm not sure they'll parole you to California since I'm gone for months at a time, but we'll find a way to help you out" he assured his uncle.

         "Ah, they've already told me I can't leave Louisiana behind - mostly I think they don't want me going back to Chicago as I've spoken a bit about the family to the parole board.  Perhaps in six months to a year they might let me move if I'm a good lad in the meantime" he chuckled self-depreciatingly.  "It would be a joy to see you and Katie again and to meet your family."

         "Call me when it's time" Daff repeated.  "We'll think of something.  I've got another phone call to make yet today, and I'm not looking forward to it.  Remy-Louis has been missing for months, and he certainly would have gone home or contacted his family long before this if he had been able to.  It's going to be a pleasant conversation asking the old man if he's killed any Cajuns lately."

         "I don't envy you your task, lad.  If it weren't for Katie and your friend I'd advise you to let it alone, but I guess that's not an option.  Take care of yourselves, whatever you do, and give Katie my love.  I hope she's as forgiving of me as you."

         Daff made sure his uncle had his cell number, then hung up the phone.  At least he could tell Jay his uncle wasn't guilty and that the man responsible had paid with his life.  If only he could offer such good news about Jay's young cousin.  He sat thinking for a bit, but it was no use putting off the call.  Sara came in quietly as he dialed to sit on the arm of his chair in support.  He hugged an arm around her waist and listened to the phone ring with a leaden heart.

         "Colin Murray" his father answered on the third ring.

         Daff suddenly had to swollow a lump in his throat as the rough voice brought back painful memories.  "Dad, it's Declan."  His own voice was roughened with emotion.  Sara raised an eyebrow at the name.

         A string of curses answered.  "I don't have a son named Declan!" Murray shouted.  "The faithless coward ran off years ago and is dead to me!  I only have three sons."  Approving voices could be heard in the background.

         Sighing, Daff held on tighter to Sara.  "I don't care if you call me son or not - you made me a criminal when I needed to be a child and beat me almost to death on more than a few occasions.  You beat Mom too whenever she tried to protect me.  I don't care if you hate me for the rest of your life, but I need an answer to one question."

         "What question?" the elder Murray snarled.

         "Did you or the others kill or otherwise harm a young Cajun named Remy-Louis Fournier last winter?"  Beside him Sara paled.

         Silence filled the phone line.  "What do you know about that French troublemaker?  Have you been listening to Katie?" the old man asked gruffly.

         "So you do know what I'm talking about" Daffy's heart sank lower than his stomach.  "I did talk to Katie this morning.  It just so happens that Remy-Louis is my best friend's cousin.  They've been searching for him for months and now that they know he's last been seen in Chicago they'll be looking to find out what happened to him.  It's a big family, and they're all loyal to a fault."

         The phone on the other end of the line changed hands and a new voice answered.  "We didn't kill the degenerate," one of the brothers said.  "He did it to himself.  We told him to get out of town and leave our Katie alone, but I saw him again after that.  I could see he needed a shove in the right direction and turned my car to follow him.  I don't know if he recognised me or not, but all of a sudden he sped up.  I could see the fool was driving on summer tires from the way he started fishtailing.  He didn't have a chance at that point and slammed into the 33rd. St. overpass.  He was dead before I stopped, so I left before the cops could show up.  Good riddance to him, I say."

         Daff scrubbed his face in frustration.  "He was leaving, Patrick.  Katie said he had told her he had to return home suddenly.  He might be alive today if you hadn't interfered."  Daff closed his eyes a moment and rested his head in Sara's lap.  She stroked his hair as a mother would comfort a child.

         "Do you swear to me none of you touched him, then?  If you tell me he died in an accident I'll believe you, Pat, but for my friend's sake and the sake of his family, I have to ask.  The kid was a family favorite and they've been sick with worry for months wondering what's happened to him."

         His brother nearly snarled.  "We didn't touch him, Duck.  We may have scared him a bit when we told him to get out of town, but didn't put a mark on him.  He was a fool who should have stayed in his swamp and minded his own business. He got what he had coming to him.  No self-respecting Murray would set foot in the Sinful City."

         The old man took back the phone.  "Have you abandoned your family entirely for your sinful ways, Declan?  We've seen your face on the tv and in newspapers, openly admitting to the shameful practice of whoring your wife.  How many have enjoyed her favors, then?  Is the red-headed bastard even yours?  I'm ashamed you're my son, Duck.  Your mother, God rest her soul, would be ashamed."

         Daff sat up straight in the chair.  "Mom was always proud of me and wanted a better life for me than to be a thug and a thief.  I talked to Uncle Sean today and he told me he had walked into the bar fight where Fournier was killed, but that it wasn't him that did it.  I'll give the Fournier family the news - they can contact the Chicago authorities and hopefully find out what happened to Remy-Louis' body.

         "We'll still come into town a couple times a year for concerts and interviews, but as far as I'm concerned there's nothing of interest for us on the North Side.  We'll try not to stray far from the Mile when we're in town outside of business - in return I hope the family will leave my family and friends strictly alone.  If we can't see eye to eye it's best for everyone that we continue to ignore each other as we have so far."

         He took a breath "I saw the car that drove by when Mom was killed, by the way - it was the husband of that Italian nympho you were messing around with at the time, so it was you who got her killed, not Uncle Sean.  I won't be telling my son about the shameful relatives he has in Chicago when he grows up - I doubt any of them will be left by then in any case.  One last thing - Katie's with me and I'm taking her to live with us and raise her child in California.  Good-bye, Dad."

         Closing his eyes on the past he hung up the phone on the cursing voices and buried his face in Sara's arms, clinging to her love and strength.  It felt like a part of him was dying all over again, that last hope of a little boy that his family would love him, but she held the pieces of him together until he felt semi-whole again.  The promise in her eyes said that later she would soothe all his hurts and help him slay the rest of his demons, but he knew there were hours yet left in the day, news to be shared and a concert still to be performed that evening before he could lay with her and rest.  For the moment it was enough just to hold and be held in the quiet room.

25 Answers and Questions

         Jay hadn't gone far in his walk.  A block north of the hotel there was a small park on E. Lakeshore Dr. with crook-limbed trees and a view of Lake Michigan that somehow reminded him of home.  He sat down in the green shade and felt the fine mist of the lake breeze cool on his face.  Shorebirds banked and cried over the water, and some small part of the hectic city pressure faded away for the moment.

         His emotions felt like the churning bayou waters of his home when an alligator laid hold of an animal come to the water's edge to drink.  He didn't know his up from his down in this concrete jungle and sometimes he found it hard to breathe in.  Normally he was comfortable in city environments, at home in his skin no matter where he was.  No other city they toured through ever affected him so negatively as Chicago, and yet the city was one of their most generous stomping grounds.  He studied the matter for a moment, wondering what it was that bothered him to come here.

         Memories of his first visit to the Windy City came to mind, insubstantial as the lake mists.  He remembered that he had been excited at the prospect of seeing Chicago for the first time, this northern city where jazz was played.  His father had told him stories from his own youth when he had been invited up to play, and Jay had wanted to walk those same streets and follow in his father's footsteps. 

         The closer their geriatric tourbus had rumbled the more agitated and stressed Daffy had become, he recalled now.  The two teens had quickly grown inseparable since their meeting on a stormy Texas highway, and it was the first time the band would play Chicago since picking up the young guitarist there on their last trip.  The Duck, as he was known back then, was only seventeen at the time and still young enough to fear that his father and brothers would show up and drag him away back to the hell of his childhood.  Jay had lost his father only months before, and the two boys were the only members of the band that hadn't grown up together.  The two broken youths had forged an inseparable bond of shared loss, music and a natural resiliance that made them survivors.  He realized he had picked up some of Daff's reluctance to spend time in the city, and this had colored every stop they had made there in the past decade.

         He had never realized before how bad his friend's childhood had been until Daff had sat down earlier in the day and told him what he feared might have transpired.  Jay hoped his brother was wrong about the family's involvement, but whatever the truth was, the obvious truth was that his cousin would be safe at home if he had been alive to get there.  Missing for over seven months, the only question now was how he had met his end and could the remains be recovered so his family could take them home.

         The hazy sunlight through the trees was soothing, and he leaned his head back wearily against a tree and tried to think of other things.  It was more than a year since he had met Sara on the East Coast.  He loved her desperately, but he knew that deep down she loved Daff more than she did him.  He tried not to let it hurt - she never turned from him and was always generous with her affection - but no matter how much he loved the both of them they would be just as happy without him in the bed.  It was only a matter of time, he knew, until having only a part of her love wouldn't be enough.  They were married now, with a tiny son that Jay loved with all his heart, but Alex wasn't his son.  The woman in his arms at night wasn't his wife.  The last couple of weeks he had noticed signs of his withdrawing from the group's company - the only person he sought out lately was his small nephew, and he had taken to sharing Alex's naps, dozing  with the tiny boy on his chest.  Either he was going to have to start writing music again soon or he would drop into a serious depression that would cause problems both on and offstage.

         An image of Kate came unbidden to his mind.  Her delicate face, those dark green over-sized eyes and silky hair halfway to her knees... he shook his head to clear the image out.  She carried all that was left of his cousin under her heart and that made her family.  She was going to live with them in San Mateo and he was already commited to helping take care of her and the child.  He found himself wanting to be close to this littlest cousin and prayed Kate - he couldn't bring himself to call her Katie - would allow him to be a surrogate father figure for the babe.  Up 'till now he had enjoyed the joys and freedoms of being an uncle, and it came as a shock to him to discover this longing - no, need - to be a father.  To this child.  Their meeting had been quite brief and unexpected, but he found himself wanting suddenly to get up and return to their rooms.  He couldn't tell himself was it the baby he was drawn to or the woman... or both.

         As he was getting up to return to the hotel his phone beeped and he looked at the message.  It was from Daff: 'Have news - not good but not as bad as I feared.  Will you come back?'  What could that mean?  He sent back 'on my way' and set off at a brisk pace.



         When he arrived Sara was playing with Alex, and Daff was ordering room service for them and Kate, who had been resting with her nephew after the excitement of the morning.  Seeing Jay at the door he increased the order and hung up the phone.  The others had apparently wandered off on their own errands.

         Straight off Jay knelt by Kate's chair and took her small hand.  "I know we've only just met" he told her, "but you're the mother of my cousin there, and that makes us family.  Not to mention you're family through the big guy over there, ugly as he is" he smiled gently.  "My family is yours, and you'll always have our support and loyalty.  Remy-Louis was a family favorite and the closest of my cousins - he was trying to find out what happened to my father when he came here.  If you'll allow me, I would stand in his stead to help you raise his blood.  You can call me brother, cousin or just Jay, but let me help you, on behalf of my family and my cousin" his serious eyes never left her surprised ones as he spoke.

         Kate looked helplessly from the stranger at her feet to her long-lost brother, who shrugged.  The black-haired man was very handsome, she thought to herself, but he shared her brother's wife and Kate had no idea what he wanted from her.  His promise of family and aid was something she desperately wanted for her baby, but she was terribly afraid to trust.

         Daff could see the confusion and fear in her eyes.  "Jay takes family very seriously, hon.  Their family is quite large and I knew Remy-Louis myself since he was a young teen - they'll cherish you because he did, and even more now that he's gone" he hated to see the pain in her eyes.  "He's not asking you to do more than to make him a part of your family - brother, cousin or otherwise.  You'll not want for anything, no matter what you decide.  One Night Stand is its own family, and we take care of our own."  He gave her a hand to her feet and wrapped an arm around her shoulder in a brotherly hug.  "You're ours now, sis, and we're yours."



         Over lunch Daff told them about the phone calls he had made.  "My uncle had just stepped into the bar when the fighting broke out," he told Jay.  "Two guys came at him because he was standing in the doorway - and one of them had a knife.  He reacted before he could think and the guy died with his own knife in his chest, but the second guy was an off-duty detective and put Sean on the floor.  He said he had met Luc before, and liked his music - he asked me to tell you he mourns your loss and that the guy responsible found himself in the same prison and shortly after that six feet under.  You can infer the 'you're welcome'."  He nudged more chicken onto his sister's plate while she wasn't looking.

         "Then we owe him" Jay acknowledged easily.  "Let me know if there's something we can do for him when he gets out.  My family would be happy to give him work if he's up for it.  They can't offer anything prestigious - it's the bayou - but honest work and honest pay, at least."  He refilled Kate's milk glass without her asking for more, earning him a dirty look.

         "That would be great" Daff nodded.  "He said he'll be up for parole soon, but they don't want him leaving the state right away.  I can't do much for him when we're out on the road all the time, but a job in Louisiana would be a big help."  He snuck some carrots and cheese onto Kate's plate while she was cooing at the baby.

         "What did you find out about Remy-Louis, Declan?"  Kate asked.  She was beginning to suspect that the food on her plate was multiplying, but couldn't be sure.

         He sighed.  "I had a 'pleasant' chat with the family - between the curses and insults they swore they didn't lay a hand on him, only scared him a bit to get him to leave town.  They didn't want him asking questions about the family or being involved with you.  Unfortunately, Patrick has never been known for his patience.  He said he caught sight of Remy's car after their warning and started following him, but the kid sped up and lost control on the icy streets, slamming into the 33rd. St. overpass, where he died.  I'm afraid that's the most cooperation we're likely to get from them.  Our next step will be to contact the police and see how closely his story matches what they found, if at all.  I have no objection to giving the police his name, but I'd rather we were already on the road then.  They're already thrilled with me because of a few choice comments - and I told them we're taking Katie home with us."  He patted his sister's shoulder comfortingly, distracting her long enough for Sara to slip a buttered roll and another piece of chicken on her plate.

         Jay snagged the salad bowl.  "We've got a gig tonight, but we can call the police after lunch and tell them about the situation.  There's time in the morning to meet with them before we head out for the west coast - we can tell them then if we have to before leaving and still get out of town.  Hey now, Ducky's smiling" he nodded towards his nephew with a grin.

         Everyone turned to look, but Kate was starting to get wise to the plot and caught Jay forking salad onto her plate out of the corner of her eye.  She snatched up the buttered roll she hadn't taken and threw it at him, but Daff snagged it out of the air and stuffed it in his mouth.

         "I know how to feed myself, thank you very much" she declared angrily.  "I don't need you shoving food down my throat like a baby bird."  She pushed back from the table, but Sara laid a soothing hand on her arm.

         "We're just worried that you haven't been getting enough to eat for both you and the baby.  They were the same way with me when I was carrying Alex, so you shouldn't take it personally.  Give them a few days to get used to things and they'll stop being so overprotective... maybe.  The guys love to spoil their womenfolk, by the way, and you'll find they won't give you a moment's peace until they go back on tour - but they're fun and adorable when they aren't driving you nuts, which usually makes up for it.  They just take some getting used to" she winked and grinned.  Sara was hoping she and Kate could become close friends, and didn't want her new sister to be upset with them.

         Kate took a deep breath and sat back down.  "I'm just not used to so many people paying attention to me or worrying about me.  I grew up mostly ignored, unless I didn't keep the house cleaned, the laundry done or the food on the table.  I was more of a housekeeper than a daughter or sister, but at least I didn't have a criminal record" she realized what she had said and looked apologetically at Daff.

         He shrugged dismissively.  "That's all in the past and I don't give it thought anymore.  I only got caught a few times, so most of the things they made me do don't show up on my criminal record, and the statute of limitations has long run out on the things they didn't catch me for.  The only thing I've been guilty of since I left home was gambling, and I haven't played cards for money in years" Jay had a coughing fit at this "except with my friends" he finished sheepishly.

         Jay stood up from the table.  "Why don't we call the police and see what we can find out, then I'll ring my family and give them the news."  He turned to look at Kate.  "They'll want to meet you and the little one eventually and welcome you to the family, but you don't need to worry about it just yet.  We can go down to visit a bit once we're finished with this tour, and drop in on your uncle a the same time.  I figure The Duck here will want to see him while we're there."  Daff nodded.

         "Why do you all call him 'Daffy'?" Kate asked him.

         Her brother answered.  "Back when I was about 13 I grew several inches in a short period of time, and the family got tired of reminding me to duck down out of sight when they dragged me out on 'jobs'.  Eventually I got the name Devlin the Duck, which I hated, but when I left home I didn't want to be known as Devlin anymore.  The guys shortened my nickname to The Duck, but then one day Jay found a Daffy Duck t-shirt that I started to wear all the time, and from then on they've called me Daffy or Daff."

         Jay tilted his head thoughtfully.  "I always thought it was because he's like a duck - calm and smooth on the surface, but he's got all kinds of things going on under the surface that you can't see.  That, and he has a penchant for black shirts" he flashed a grin at his buddy.

         Sara shook her head at them.  "Come on, Kate.  Let's go out shopping and leave these baboons to their mischief.  They're obviously full of it today.  The least we can do in revenge is spend a bit of their money, and I for one haven't been out shopping since Alex was born.  I think we're due."  She bundled Alex into his stroller and kissed her men before they headed out the door.



         A week later Kate walked the floor with her cranky nephew held against her shoulder and hummed a lullaby she faintly remembered her mother singing when she was a child.  Of all the strangers on the tour, little Drake Alexander was the one she was most comfortable with, and she was pleased to look after him whenever the others wanted a bit of adult or quiet time.  Knowing that Sara and Alex would be leaving the tour when it reached San Mateo in just a few days, she was happy to spend time with the baby so her brother (and Jay) could spend time with Sara before they continued their tour without her.

         She still didn't quite understand their three-way relationship, but it was clear that both men loved Sara, and she them.  No matter what the outside world thought of their intimacy, they were loyal to one another and shared a great respect for one anothers' feelings.

         Alex finally settled down to sleep on her shoulder, but she was still too restless herself to lay him down.  Daff and Sara were enjoying a little one-on-one time together while they still could, and Jay sat on the sofa reading a book in their shared suite.

         Seeing that the baby was finally sleeping, Jay invited her to share the cozy sofa with him.  When she perched shyly next to him on the love seat he laid his book aside and drew her back to lean on his chest so he could massage her aching shoulders.  They had discovered that the chocolate Daff had treated the girls with in Chicago brought on a bout of colic that meant sleepless nights for everyone on the bus.  Kate's own distended, restless belly and her reluctance to take advantage of Jay's gallant offer to sleep on the bus sofa so she could have his bunk had led her to spend long hours on the road with the fussy infant so the others could get some rest.  In the past week it felt like she had carried the squeaky little bundle for endless miles, and the gentle massage felt meltingly wonderful.  Slowly she relaxed against his warmth, and he wrapped strong arms soothingly around the both of them.

         She had noted that over the past week he spent less time alone with Sara and more with her and Alex, but she assumed that he was family-oriented and was discretely trying to give the couple a little room.  It made her wonder how he felt, being second in Sara's heart.  The lateness of the hour, combined with the intimacy of the sleeping infant and his embrace gave her courage to ask.

         "Is it hard," she whispered "knowing you're not the only one?  That she loves him enough to have married him instead of you?"  She didn't realise she had spoken the words aloud until she heard them, and tensed, fearing she had hurt his feelings.

         Jay held her closer, his lips against her ear.  "It would hurt them to know the truth.  I knew from the start I'd lose her to your brother, so when he agreed to share I thought I could be happy.  I know it can't go on forever, but I don't want Sara to feel bad for loving him.  I gave up my bedroom so they could turn it into a nursery, and there are only so many bedrooms in the house, but it's not a crisis issue yet.  So long as we're on the road I can mostly handle it, but I'm worried there'll be problems once the tour is over and we're all at home.  I'm glad you came along - I can spend time with you and Plucky here without them suspecting I'm pulling away.  They're happy together and I'm happy for them, but damn, it hurts sometimes."

         She lay quiet against his shoulder for a bit, trying to give comfort as much as she got from his touch.  Her family had always been overprotective of her, so her experience with men was limited to the short, blissful time she had spent with Remy-Louis before he had disappeared.  The quiet dimness of the room, the soft weight of the baby, the warm breath on her skin from the man holding her... for a moment she could almost pretend this was her child, her man, and it made her yearn.

         When he was sure both woman and child slept peacefully Jay reached over slowly and put out the light.  He held them safe in the darkness as they dreamed, and himself dreamed.