more scraps

as i smoke one more before i lay to slumber the thoughts of my mind seek expression perhaps to ease the storm clouds for one more night at bay,
i smoke to quick i'll skin one up after this taylor instead and scrible a decent amount then journal it tomorrow, yeaahh,,,

okay.

the actual fact, what the hell is this shit thats going on latley,

relapse i dunno i downed a bunch of beans and went out to crunch my liver some decades at least and well i guess i was feral, see bed fall on bed pull duvet over head,
procede to die the following day then go camping in a quarry, woodeewo -5 and shit was planning on -1 but hey.. any way back on topic, so here i am contemplating my
actions before smoke pah.. now here i am, with a wrapped up arm all because some shit was like kablow in my head with my ex telling me like how i should take things
and shit, yeah i know .... but ermm yeah helllo those things i used to have... feeliings ? they didnt work well before do you think they took what happend and just
like yeah bounce back ? fuck no helloo time of " normal people cry" but yeah so thanks like i know well i dont know i suspect it wasnt intentional to make me relapse
with self harm but yeah... awesome :D it now looks like my arms got red tiger stripes blazeay. but yeah throw into this like recent progression oooo comitment issues ?
ahhh it would appear so as well this whole 3 word thing just seems to conjour the like serrated edge removing my soul, and now of all times theres like actually
structured communication i mean wow! the fuck ha she wouldn't have felt like maybe being a little easier on the guy she was engaged too ? nooo wait till i'm in a
committed relationship and then talk to me, i mean

on a serious level, i would genuine love to have her back in my life in some way as after going through that much with some one makes them remain a significant
part of my llfe, and even though she did cause me the worst time of my life. cba extreme final. i will always care about her in a way because of the good times,
and what it did to make me how i am since that shit, but just like omfg and like texting me n asking me for smoke the fuck, if i actually did i would never forgive
myself as if there is ever to be anything salvaged from what happened i will be damned if i break my back for it. but as it would appear i am not in a stable enough
mind state to deal with this at the same time but what happens inside my head is like

omg what the hell do i do i like really actually wanna meet and talk face to face as fucking useless on the phone and just be able to try and find out why the
fuck she did what she did to me and why she couldn't have given me any closure then find out like why i should just help her when she needs something its like yes
im breaking my promise of i would do anything for you but ahhh that doesn't apply if you rape my soul

the hell.... but yeah thats fun.... i still havent made my spliff but i wrote alll of that shit wooodeeewoowwww!!!! and i had a slash like a powerful horse oooooaaahhh