A Single Dad's Quest

The most feared words in a single guy's life clearly ahead of,"I think we're out of beer" and "I just want to be friends," are "I'm pregnant." I still can see those words hanging in the air, like a bubble in a cartoon. Except there is nothing funny about it.

The best and only thing to do was for me and mom-to-be to sit down and discuss the "situation." Little did I know that this would be the last time we would have a mature adult conversation. It was decided at the time, the best course of action, was for mom-to-be to get an abortion. I was 31 at the time, and mom-to-be was 32. Our relationship didn't have any stability as there were no definite long term plans. And financially, we weren't in a position to afford raising a child. Our circumstances were far from ideal to bringing a child into this world.

At this time my only course of action was to help mom-to-be during this obviously emotionally difficult time in whatever way I could. I have never seen a woman looks as good as her with that mom-to-be glow. Of course, Mother Nature takes care of that during the last two months of pregnancy.

The "situation" was suppose to be handled on a Monday. Sunday night, I got a phone call from a very emotionally distressed mom-to-be. Her mother was having nightmares about the abortion, and mom-to-be wanted to have a child while she still could. It was mom-to-be's decision as to what to do at this crucial moment in our lives, and she wanted to be a mother, and I in turn would be a father. I could not sleep that fateful Sunday evening. It was so overwhelming thinking that I am going to be a dad. I was going to be responsible for another human being. And here I was, barely able to manage my own life. It was definitely time to grow up. Well, at least a little.

We went to the childbirth classes offered by a local hospital. During one class, the nurse demonstrated what happens during childbirth, by showing a baby doll going through the birth canal of a pelvis skeleton. The mothers to be reacted in stunned disbelief to this image. The fathers to be winced in a kind of sympathy pain. It was like watching a low blow, except a lot more painful.

The most important day in our lives occurred on July 5, 1996. Perhaps foreshadowing a bit, it was the first day of the Calgary Stampede. After 38 hours of labor, our 8 lbs. 10 oun. son, Caylen Michael Juergen, was born. The first thing he did was to pee on the doctor, who was trying to help get his breathing going. I knew right then and there, that's my boy!

A few months after his birth, my relationship with mom became strained. That made it uncomfortable to visit with our son. 1997 started with me calling once a week for two and half months, to let mom know when I was free to see our son. I never got an answer or a call back. In the middle of March, mom called to find out if I would be declaring the child support payments on my taxes. At this time, I was allowed to resume seeing our son. In the fall, I upset mom by asking her to sign receipts for the payments. She did the same thing that she did at the beginning of the year. To deny me access, because she knows that is how she can hurt me the most.

After several months, writing letters since I had already learned phoning was useless, my attempts to resolve the situation were going nowhere. It was time to go to court. It was something that I did not want to do. It would and will reflect badly on my son's mother. And that one day might hurt him. That is something that I did not want to do. The other choice was to give up and not be involved in his life. This was not an option.

Four days before the first court date, I got a phone call from mom's lawyer. He suggested that I ask for an adjournment, so that me and mom, could go to mediation to work out an agreement. I agreed, and three months later it was done. On July 29, 1998, the agreement was turned into a court order, and I was named a private guardian of our son.

During mediation it was decided that it was in Caylen's best interest to slowly increase our time together. Right now, I get to see him for a full day, every other weekend, and a short visit in between that. This builds up to entire weekends, every other weekend, with a small visit in between. Every second with him is so precious to me, maybe more so then other fathers, who are not in the same position.

My parents were and are supportive during this time. I'm not sure me and mom could manage without their help. My mother is especially happy. I had finally done something good, and arranged it so she would be a grandmother. And I will tell you, the work involved in doing that.......

All the heartache and grief that I have been through for him, is made more then worthwhile, just by our son being who he is. From when, the first time he turned around while saying bye to give me a hug and kiss on his own volition, to the time he just wanted to be held by me, he shows how incredible special he truly is. And I don't have to wait till he leads USA to World Cup glory to know that