I am beautiful.

You know what I just realized? I’m hot. Maybe not right when I wake up when I resemble a zombie, but I am hot. And even better, I am beautiful. And sexy. Maybe not Victoria Secret sexy, but sexy. And I’m funny. When I don’t try. I’m funny and smart and talented. I know how to be fun and I know how to be serious when I need to be. I’m honest and a hard worker and I know I’m gonna do something important one day, something good with my life. I’m sweet and I know I have a huge heart. When I love someone, I give them all of me, everything. I’m passionate and crazy, but who’s not, at least a little bit. I’m crazy but that means I’m a ton of fun. I’m crazy and I embrace it. I’m not gonna hide it. I’m emotional and I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I’m not gonna change that because that’s who I am. And it doesn’t matter if you like me, because I like me. And I’m gonna find someone who likes me the way I am too. Someone who LOVES me the way I am. I’m done changing myself and trying so hard to be what you want, to be her. I can’t do that. But there’s someone who doesn’t want anyone but me, the way I am, and no one can try to be me either. All I want is the guy who wants me. Someone who makes me see how I amazing I am when I forget and reminds me to love myself as much as he does. I want a guy who knows I’m beautiful because I am, and tells me so as much as possible because he wants me to know. Someone who does little things to remind me he’s thinking of me. I don’t have to be the center of his attention 24/7, that’s unrealistic, but he thinks of me when a certain song comes on or sees or hears something like a corny joke and thinks, “she’d love that!” I want someone who wants everyone to know I’m his and he’s mine and is proud to hold my hand and kiss me in front of his friends. I want someone who can make me laugh, make me laugh when I think I will never smile again. I want someone who lets me be crazy and won’t get scared off. I want someone who doesn’t take things too seriously and can just laugh off my psycho rantings when I can’t and makes me see how stupid and paranoid I’m being and calls me on my crap. I want someone who doesn’t lie to me. I want someone who doesn’t think of someone else every time he holds me. I want someone who thinks about me and smiles, and wants to talk about it, about me. I want someone who doesn’t care if we have sex because all he really needs is to hold my hand and be with me. I want someone who is the OPPOSITE of you. Is that too much to ask? That list seems pretty long on paper but, believe it or not, none of those things are hard to find. And I will find them, I will find him. And I will be happy. And I won’t think about you anymore. And I’ll love myself again.