The Aches In Honesty

Its time for me to be honest with myself
Th past two years have been the hardest I have faced.
I struggled to make friends since college fell out of place.
from rehab to hospitals the detox was a waste
it just put a hole in my heart I feel so alone
burdened with a difference upon opinion
I have a drug addiction I guess
I struggle with it. Its not a test.
all I know Is i feel lifeless

I went two years without a friend to be close to.
as I relapsed into old ways and struggled with the isolation
I guess people see it. For I just feel lost. disconnected
from everyone around me. I came acquainted to standing alone.
Its all I had in the past long twenty four months.
Yeah, I am a little depressed. who wouldn't be?
my last close friend and roommate died of a drug overdose
I caved in since this situation and forgot how to make friends
Its a hard thing to swallow. Most wouldn't understand
that I have abandonment issues because I lost some close friends.
It burns, it aches, it tears, it rips hols through my soul.
The drugs were there when I lost all control.

I miss the company and comfort
I wont get those nights back.
spending time in rehabilitation with my best friend
for the short time I knew him I had his back.
then he left a voicemail on my phone.
saying he was struggling and he relapsed.
when I called back I found he was no longer breathing.
I had my first ever heart attack.

and people wonder why I fall through with friends.
I cant get so close to watch them leave so sudden.
I hate it. I went crazy I still am.
I don't see how I can bounce back.
I half to be honest with myself.
I haven't made any good friends since his death.
it cuts deep. I am not sure why anymore.
I just wish these deadly isolated years will be over soon.
I lost so much. I gained only wisdom and more issues.
Three contacts in my phone. work. dad and my home.
makes me believe I am terribly alone.
Let me be honest with myself.
I wont ever be well again.