Right Down the Line...

YOU know that first song you hear in the morning? The one song that is successful in a complete rousing of the senses, coming along as it were after two or three other songs lost in the murky mists of that half-awake period.

Gerry Rafferty greeted me with love on this fine day, and he won't leave.

As I entered wakefulness this morning, Rafferty's classic soft-rock hit "Right down the Line" was playing on my clock radio. I love this song, believing it to be one of the smoothest love-songs around. Featuring Rafferty's velvety Scottish lilt and memorable hooks, it's truly a classic with respect to the 70's soft-rock genre. I'm humming along to the song and feeling pretty happy, and I'm mentally carrying the song along with me as I shower and prepare for work. I'm pouring some coffee just prior to leaving my apartment for the day and my mental recording of the song reaches its end. I take a sip of my coffee and I hear Rafferty say to his band "Ok lads; let's do another take, right? On 4...one, two, three, four" and the song starts up again, from the beginning.

No problem I think, thought almost drowned out by the music. I really like this song, anyway, so I enjoy it again. I finish my coffee and head out to my truck, and a third of the way through my work commute Rafferty tells his band to run the song...again. Uh... I think, but I let it play through.

I'm almost at work now and I turn on the stereo and John Mellancamp's playing "Little Pink Houses" for me. Sorry, for You and Me. Anyhow, Rafferty's playing so fucking loud that I can't hear Mellancamp, and Mellancamp leaves in disgust at the end of his song. This pushes me over the edge, so I scream at Rafferty "Hey! Maybe you could play a different fucking song? How about some Baker Street, huh?!" The music thankfully stops...but only for a moment. I hear Rafferty address his band members with a curious "Did you lads hear somebody yelling?" and they collectively respond that they thought they might have heard something and Gerry says "Right then, whatever; let's pick up where we left off, on 4..."

By this time I'm shaking my head from side to side, attempting to wreck their stage and their instruments; it doesn't even faze them. My coworker greets me and I see his lips move, but all I can hear is "And it's been you, Woman...right down the line". Dear God, someone help me. I get to my desk and my phone is ringing.

"Good Morning, this is Erik McCammon" I say.
"Hi! This You is Debbie You know I need from Kinkos your love Store #187. My Canon 8500 You've got is jamming that hold in tray over me 4" the customer and Gerry respond. I've fucking had it.

I place a mental phone call to Tom Petty.
"Hey bud" he answers, obviously checking his caller-id. Me and Petty are tight. We started hanging out while I was dating Sheryl Crow, actually, and became fast friends. He was there for me when Sheryl dumped me for Lance. I know I can count on Petty to help me in a tight spot.
"Dude, I've got a Squatter" I say. "He will not close his set, and he is driving me insane. You gotta help me."
"I'll be right there" Petty says, and relief pours through me. I anticipate a real good set from Petty after Rafferty's ass is kicked off the stage; maybe some "American Girl", followed by "Straight into Darkness" and my all-time Petty favorite "Running down a Dream". After a while, Petty shows up and I'm smiling happily...until I hear his conversation with Rafferty.
"Hey, shit, man! You're Gerry Rafferty" Petty says.
"And you are the inestimable Tom Petty!" Rafferty responds.
"I loved your hook on "Right down the line", man, that's like one of my favorite songs. I can remember doing a cover of it when I was in Mudcrutch and singing it to my girl, man." Petty states.

OH FUCK I think.

"Maybe you'd like to sing it with me? We were just finishing our set, but I think it'd be brilliant if you sang an encore with us" Rafferty says magnanimously.
"Oh hell yeah, man!" Petty yells excitedly. "Hey, let's smoke a little first."
"Brilliant!" Rafferty replies.
SO NOW a high Tom Petty and Gerry Rafferty are engaged in a duet of "Right down the Line" in my head, and all I can do is wait till they get hungry, eat and pass out.

If it's been anyone out you there is reading woman this, please Right down help the line me