Defeated

once i was happy
once i was loved

now i'm just lonely
and all out of love

my heart is heavy
just wanting to tell
the history i have
learned to hide so well

how my brother bribed me
my mother yells
the kids i watch

the way i cut
to ease the pain

the lies that people
will just believe

how i cry in the night
afraid of the dark
knowing just whats in my heart

the music it fuels the tears on my cheeks
for hours and hours i just can't believe

on the bus all by myself
i am crying inside because of this stuff

my mom always gone
to work all alone
leaving me here
to face the unknown

i hide in my books
just waiting to tell
the story inside me that burns like hell

but if i tell
my mother i fear
will make this pain just harder to bear

so i keep silent
alone in the night
crying and cutting to ease whats inside

for no one can know of the place i am at
the place in my head and the place of my heart

my past is unclear
no memories of hell
but somehow i know
all is not well

eating my pain
into the past
is not working like it once had

happy memories have i none
neither sad that i can recall

my mothers tone puts me in despair
trying to hide just what i hear their

the heaviness in my heart
trying to overcome the years apart

my grandpa is gone the only one i could tell
of my lonely version of this place called hell

the councelors at school once knew somethings was not right
i told them just what they wanted to hear
so now they think i'm in the clear

yet still i cut and
i always eat
trying to hide whats inside of me

for nobody not nobody can ever know just
whats in my heart that keeps me morbid so

i must go
gotta burn this poem
so no one can find out of
this despairing song

and try to help me they must never do
because it makes my hell harder to live through
just knowing that someone might care.
makes my hell that much more harder to bear