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What happens when you are tired of suffering, and you don't know the answers you seek? |
I'm lying, in the soft ground, the wet soil is comfortable, but I'm not at ease. I only have sixteen years, but I have lived more than enough, more than I should ever have. My birthday is in two days, but I want to leave before that time arrives. I, have seen, have lived, have experienced, things that no one else could endure, I have done horrible things, as much as they have been done to me. My family abandoned me long ago, they are still by my side, but I hate them more than anything else. They have destroyed all I ever cared for. I don't speak to them anymore, I don't look at them any more. I'm tired of this world. I have started an initiative, called: "Goodbye World"; cease all external contact, permanently shut down accounts, forget, and forgive, because nothing awaits for us once we leave. In my body, I carry the stigma, I am already dead. I possess no feelings, no emotions, because I have resigned to them, in the begining it was all perfect, I was lost and my suffering had stop. And I thought that was the only way to stop my suffering... Yet I was wrong, whenever I suffer, I won't cry, but the sky will do it for me, the rain, is no other thing than my invisible tears; And the sky has been raining constantly, incessant, for more than two monts. I stand up, feel the wind shouting in my face, ignoring everyone's voices at my back, telling me to stop, but I've made my choice. I stand still, in the edge of the ravine, I stop hearing, I stop listening, I stop thinking, i just take a step forward and let the gravity do its work. When I open my eyes, I'm falling, falling to the end, to the end I have been searching for. I let the wind shout my name once more before I say goodbye, close my eyes again, and drop one last tear, that is not rain, its my life. And for that last moment, just for that brief time, I can feel the pleaure of being free, free of hate, free of worries, I don't wish them all a good life, but I also don't wish them death, I just forget everything about them. A smile is drawn in my face, just as I reach the ground below, and let my soul go, dissapear, as I've always known, there is nothing awaiting for us after death. |