Life Chapter 3

Chapter 3


As I went into high school things never seemed to change. The drugs didn't faze me as much anymore, and the verbal abuse got old.
I mean after you have been called every name in the book for 3 years there isn't much variety left. Pretty much all the mean names are all used up and don't hurt as much. I hardly went to school and if I did i wouldn't be there for too long. I made sure I left after lunch everyday. I lived right across the street from my high school. It was always very convenient to leave go home and sleep the rest of the day. There was an old cemetery
across the street from the school as well. I liked to go there pick a nice shaded area by myself and smoke some pot. It was relaxing as weird as it sounds sitting on top of someones grave, and packing a bowl and reading their tomb stone. Charles...a grave I would mainly sit at. I smoked a lot with Charles.

When I got into high school I became the biggest whore. I wont lie. Why should I? This is my life and I don't think I should sugar coat anything.
I was in English class when I met him. He was the typical stoner, had a fro because he was black. He sat in the back and slept during the entire class and reeked of weed. He would walk in 30 minutes late and that was if he even came in at all. Sometimes he wouldn't come in for weeks and I would look for him. His name was Mike he was a skateboarder, and I thought he was the hottest thing.
When he was in class I would sit next to him. Only reason because I would watch him draw. He was a loser as well, only had a couple friends and mainly because he knew where to get weed and just smoking buddies. He was the most amazing drawer I'd ever seen. Everything he did looked as if you were on a bad trip. Bright colors but dark evil creatures popping up across the page. He never really talked. I was the opposite I loved to talk. Mike would look at you and you would think he was looking into your soul. No words needed to be spoken while I was around him. He gave my body chills. Even to this day he still does. I think if I remember he had a girlfriend when I tried to talk to him. I don't think he really cared if he had a girlfriend and was talking to me. He broke up with her soon after we really started talking.

He took my virginity. I would invite him over all the time and I remember being extremely nervous every time he would come over. The boy gave me the butterflies. I loved kissing him. He always told me I was the best kisser. He would run his hands through my hair and kiss on my neck. I remember making him Mac and Cheese in my kitchen, and then later on finding out he was severely lactose and tolerant. He ate the entire bowl by himself. I think he might have shit his pants on the way home.
I remember everything in detail when i got my virginity taken. It didn't hurt, I didn't bleed. He was gentle and it was the most awkward moment ever. I had no idea what I was doing. It was sort of embarrassing when I actually think back. It was on my parents bed. I hated them so I thought it was funny in a sick and twisted way. As my parents slept in the bed that night I couldn't help but laugh and laugh.
I loved him. He was the only boy i ever loved.

He broke my heart though in the end. I never cried so much in my life. I would go to school and cry at my desk mostly everyday.
My heart ached and it took me a very long time to recover from such a heart break...
I wish I had never loved him. I was only 14 granted I didn't know any better, but it felt right. He didn't fell the same way. He cheated on me and he was scared of commitment later on he told me, after begging for a reason on why he broke up with me. We were only together for 6 months. It still hurt like nothing I'd ever felt before in my life. I never wanted to feel like that again.
That's when i put up the big wall. My wall mainly was something to protect me. I told myself I was never going to love again. I was never going to fall in love so fast. I was going to just have sex with as many men as I could. Now thinking back I had a lot of issues. I wanted attention from men and having sex with them was it.

I had turned 16 and i had already slept with more then 10 guys. I was on a role. There were more to come. I was being used and I could have cared less. I was using them just as well.