Life Chapter 1

Chapter 1


My names Jordan, I'm a female and I'm 18 and ill be turning 19 in a couple weeks. I haven't shared any of this with anyone till now.
Everything I'm about to write is 100% true. Some of the things im going to say aren't always appropriate, and a lot of it is from my personal journal.
I'm putting myself out there most of the things I'm going to say I've kept away from alot of people.
Reason why I never wanted to be judged, and I could really care less at this point right now if people know my life.
I've been through alot and maybe someone will relate to me and wont feel as alone as I did when i was younger.
Maybe someone will just get some kind of entertainment from me and look into the life of someone else.
Either way I'm a loser I always have been. I'm quite pretty I've been told and I'm just very self conscious.

For the longest time I've thought I was much older then others. Mentally of course but I'm only 18 and i feel much much older.
Its actually quite a shame I should have been a child. I should have got to experience the normal high school years.
Unfortunately I didn't and its something I can never get back. I had to grow up fast and sometimes I wish I didn't.
I grew up in a rough house hold. My life never used to be as bad. It was nice at one point till it all went down hill.
I remember when it actually all started and "went down hill"

It all started the night before I had to actually start the 6th grade. My sister Taylor was older then me. She was going into the 7th grade.
Sad to think the only real solid memory I have is a bad one. I remember crying in my bed, I kept saying why over and over again listening to my mother tear up the house. Yelling and screaming at me and my sister for my fathers mistakes. Come to find out it was over something I had never experienced before at that age. Something I didn't understand was going on. Something that would change my mothers life, and my families life forever. She always did that, yell and scream and pick fights. That was my mother and she didn't take shit and everyone knew that. My father was scared of her sometimes and my mother "wore the pants" of the family she would always say, and till this day she still does. Drugs were a very important thing my mothers life, especially back then. She was very into the drug meth. I never understood why she would lock herself in her room with my dad. I would stand outside her door and the nastiest smells would come out and I was curious. I would always knock on the door and say "mom come here I need something" for what ever reason I needed her she would make an excuse on why she couldn't help me. When she did open her door the room was filled with smoke. I'd always ask why is your room so smokey? She'd always say "I'm burning incense." There was no incense burning. Till I learned quickly she wasn't doing something right, she wasn't doing something a mother would do.

to be continued...