Life Sized Canvas

BOOM!  The mushroom cloud in the not-so-far-away distance fills my lungs with smoke. Did I really do that? My mind was reeling but my legs were running. I heard shouts and cries but didn't turn to look. I was too afraid of what I would see. Slowly that dread feeling of  "oh shit I messed up" poisoned my innards. I could feel power surging through me, but power met with dread is not the best (or healthiest) feeling in the world. Perhaps I had gone too far.... then something I couldn't explain happened. A deafening ringing in my ears. No, not just in my ears, in my head. No one else seemed affected- then a hand grabbed my shoulder-
"Wryn, class is over..." said my friend, Mia. Her face was full of concern. I had done it again.
I looked down at the paper on my desk, it happened in my favorite sketchbook. I really should know not to bring it with me anywhere. The picture was exactly what I thought it would be; a girl running from an explosion, with mangled bodies and death everywhere. I couldn't look at it anymore, it was all too real. I could still smell the burning life.
"That was the third time this week... It's getting worse Wryn." I closed the sketchbook and hesitated.
"I know." I put my things away and Mia and I went to get smoothies, because she knows how much I love them, and how they make me feel better.
While I drank the obliterated berries, Mia kept trying to make eye contact. I wouldn't allow it, I didn't want to feel that stare of hers digging in my soul.
"What was it this time?" she asked. She was the only one that knew about my... condition. I wouldn't even tell my parents.
I shrugged, "This time I blew everything up. Just like in the picture."
"You know, maybe it's time you tell someone about this. You've hidden it for quite a while. It's getting dangerous, I can tell it is taking a toll on you. Not just on your grades, either. You walk slower, you don't react as fast, and your eyes have lost their shine..." she looked down when she said this. She had brought it up many times before. She knew this would be no different.
"Thanks but I think I can handle it. If I could just control it...."
"Wryn no! Are you crazy?" To me, that was a stupid question. Of course I was crazy, that was the whole problem.
"Mia, I gotta get home. I have to make up today's assignment. I'll see you tomorrow. Buh-bye." she watched me walk away, but didn't try to stop me. "Oh, and thanks for the smoothie. See ya."
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         I had never been this high up before; the neighborhood looked amazing from up here! I dived for my house and slipped through a window. I had never gone so fast, I flew from room to room without hesitating. I didn't know why or where I was going, I just went. Everything was so much bigger now too. Suddenly it became hard to move, I couldn't figure out why. The air itself was pulling me backwards. Finally I could fight no more and the air sucked me up, and I felt my body break. I couldn't think anymore, or breathe. I looked down at my dying body and was very surprised. Surprised, shocked, none of these words can even explain how this made me feel. But my body was that of a moth. A regular moth that flies around the house in the summer time. Finally I couldn't breathe at all, the air was stuck and I began to fall.....
         I woke with a jump, just to find my head on a desk again. This time I was at home, apparently doing homework. Trying to at least. My canvas was my homework, which now had dying moths all over it. Shredded wings instead of calculations. One hundred percent, here I come.
         I growled in frustration, I just couldn't escape from it. I loved to draw. More than anything. I felt more myself in those pictures than anywhere else. Then this started happening. I didn't remember when it all started, or even how for that matter. Maybe it was a sign that I needed to pay more attention to real life than those in my fantasy worlds built of paper and pencil. When it first started it didn't happen very often. I was more convinced I would just fall asleep while drawing, which is similar. The difference is that when I slept, I was dreaming. In my drawing limbo, I've come to call it, I actually lived everything out. I felt, heard, smelled everything. Sure I "wake up fine" but the mental toll was eating me alive. I stopped caring after so long, and just let it happen. I couldn't give up drawing. But could I give up my sanity?

         I woke up to the smell of pancakes in the morning. I was having the nicest dream a girl could ask for, the prince charming and rescues from the bad guys. But I was overjoyed to be awake once I smelled those wonderful pancakes. I could tell they would be fluffy. I tried to guess the shape that  they would be in this time. Maybe a square or a triangle, or maybe just round today. My guesses are never right, for today's shape was human. I was disturbed in many ways, but that didn't stop me from biting the heads off first. Maybe I should've started with the limbs, but I figured I wouldn't make them suffer. I didn't know what their lives had been like. That dreaded feeling came back; who was I to take a life? I gulped down the thick glob of pancake in my throat and realized how ridiculously stupid I must sound. If someone could read my thoughts I'm sure they would send me to a nut house.
         It was another of school, and I was ready for anything. I walked my normal route to school, which passes the supplies store. I was one of those people that got excited about pens and paper. But I quickly walked past my store, before I could change my mind.
         The last thing I wanted to do was face Mia after last night. I was not going to tell her about my homework and my moth drawing. I was afraid she would take it in her own hands and tell the counselor. Of course, I knew she really wouldn't do that, but she would do something.