Serenity and a glimpse into the future

The waves curled high enough up the beach so that the water was finally making contact with his toes. The pinkish hue of dusk was settling in now and the sun was at an angle that left the water shimmering. People could be seen packing up their beach chairs and umbrella's, parents with children sleeping in their arms, slowly walking toward their vehicles tired from a day full of activity at the beach. The few people that were left scattered along the beach were the couples soaking up the romantic setting and a group of teenagers who had just arrived and were setting up for a bonfire.

Still as a stone, Deryn had no intent to move from his place any time soon. He just sat in the sand with his arms resting on his knee's staring out over the water. He stared at a particular point and even though his vision was limited to "as far as the eye can see", his mind wandered far beyond the limitations of physical sight. What he saw was an old man on the other end of the lake climbing into his sailboat with a suitcase filled with nothing but the possessions most valued to him. He goes inside the cabin and places the bag on the table beside the only item already in the cabin; a framed picture of a beautiful woman. He picks up the picture and walks over to the wooden bench and sits. He holds the picture with both hands smiling down at it and thumbing the frame as a tear slowly descends his cheek and drips to the broken floorboards. After staring at it for a few moments he places it carefully in the place he had lifted it from on the table. He goes back outside and unties the line from the dock. Getting back on the boat he takes a long look back at the pier and the city behind him. Once more he smiles, and then sets out on his course into the unknown. If one were to sail the lake for a long enough time they would eventually find themselves branching outward into the open seas. This old man sails far enough out that there is no land in sight in any directions. He steps outside the cabin once again and goes to the bow of the boat. He closes his eyes, smiles, and raises his arms to the sky as if trying to catch the breeze. He inhales deeply and holds the fresh air in his lungs for as long as he can. This is a man who has lived a life and been happy. He has been in love, and he has lost. Now, he sails onwards knowing that there is nothing left for him here. This is to be his last great adventure.

Once more Deryn's gaze is limited to as far as the eye can see. The sky was completely dark now and the moon was reflecting off the water. The tide had rolled in some time ago and his ankles were now completely submerged. The only ones left on the beach now were the teenagers who had successfully got their bonfire started. Through all of the chaos, all of the people hunting for him, and all of the blood that was on his hands, the only thoughts that came into his mind while staring out at the lake were thoughts of love and freedom. The thought of escaping from the boundaries of the life he had created for himself believing it to be what made him happy. The thought of the beautiful woman he couldn't get out of his mind and how much he wanted to be like that old man some day and look back on his life and be able to smile as he sets sail to the unknown, knowing it to be the end of his life.

Through all of the evil things he did, the feelings he tried not to have, the moral code he tried to adjust for himself, for the first time in his life the thought of dying a cold-blooded monster scared him. What's happening to me?