Today was another boring day

Today was another boring, monotonous day for me. It all started around seven p.m. when I was trying to get my beauty sleep. All of a sudden, the stupid telephone rang and woke up me up.

“Hello?”

“ I have a job for you?”

“Yeah? What?”

“ At the Tellex Corporation building. A guy by the name of Alex Anderson is there” Kind of a repetitious name but who was I to judge the man by his name? So, apparently this Alex guy was doing illegal stuff and the rest I zoned out because all I wanted to know was how much I was getting paid. Five hundred, sometimes I despise my generosity.

I got myself ready and went off to make some quick cash that I desperately needed. Getting the car ready was always a pain because the damn thing would take about five minutes to start up. It decided to be a complete jerkoff at the moment and not move at all.

“Fine! You want to keep me from paying the bills? See what I care! I’ll just sell you for scrap metal” I was hoping for a twist of irony that would cause the car to work but no suck luck, scrap metal it was.

Because I’m too cheap to pay for a taxi or any other public transportation, I did what any other money saving civilian would do: I borrowed a car from a guy, well, sort of.

“ Get out of the car now before I splatter your brains across the car like a rotten meatball!”

“ Sir, I”

“I said NOW!” That seemed to work, or at least it did when I threw him out the window. So I finally get to the building and walk in ready to kick some booty.

“ Is there an Alex Anderson here?” I asked. Nobody responded.

“ Um, sir? Why are you shouting?”

“ I’m here to kill someone”

“ What?” Oops, guess I shouldn’t have announced what I was there to do but it was too late anyway. I jumped up and crashed through the ceiling where I wound up on the second floor.

“ What the hell just happened?” A man in a suit asked. He looked like he wore his underwear two sizes two short with the expression he was giving me.

“ I crashed through the ceiling, now can you tell me where Alex Anderson is?” And you know what he did? He ran away like a little girl.

“ Wow, so you’re the type who runs when there’s trouble. I’d hate to see what would happen if you planted your seed in someone” I stretched out my arm about five feet so I could catch him because he ran pretty fast. Most cowards were pretty fast from running all the time.

“ Listen Chicken Little, I don’t have time to play your games so you tell me where Alex is or I’m scrambling your eggs…if you have any” His eyes bulged to a disgustingly large size and he began to shake his body wildly.

“ I don’t know anything! Honest! I swear!” Probably didn’t, but I shot him anyway.

“ What do you think you’re doing, charging in here?” Sounded like a Brooklyn taxi driver. I turned around and sure enough, I was met with a guy wearing a suit, sported a stylish haircut, and had bulging muscles. Judging by his steroid abused body and drill sergeant haircut, I could tell he was one mean motherfucker.

“ Are you Alex Anderson?”

“ Yeah, and you’re dead” And in a rage that could only be explained as roid rage, he charged at me and struck me in the head surprisingly hard. It hurt a lot. “ You think it’d be easy taking me down, huh? Tell your boss I ain’t that easy.” He had no idea.

“ Hey, do you pump iron?”

“ wha?”

“Well I pump lead!” and that’s exactly what I did. Down went Mr. Universe and away I went with him in my arms.

Later, after escaping the building, the police, and getting a couple bullets lodged in my head, I contacted my client.

“ I got Anderson here, you’d better hurry your ass over here with the money”

“ Don’t worry, I already sent one of my boys here to give it to you” Now I had to wait, great. While I waited I saw a cat walk by, it reminded me of my old cat Felix who frequently wet the bed and brought in rotting animals. There was a reason I had him stay In China.

“ Excuse me, are you “ Killer?”

“ I have a dead man in my arms, what do you think?” He didn’t say anything and handed me a wad of cash and took the body. So now that I have cash to last me the length of a couple hours and spare time, what do I do now? I spend it all on hookah and booze, maybe some ladies on the side. Yep, today was another boring ass day for me.