Dairy of a broken girl.

Day 1(About Me)-
Hi, my name is Leela I’m your average 15 year old girl. Nothing special really just, average. I like playing on my computer although I’m not allowed on it much I try to go on as often as I can. My favourite program on TV is family guy, it’s so funny. I’m not allowed to watch TV much though, my parents are quite strict. My mum and dad are still together although they argue a lot; they have been married 7 years. They drink a lot to, nearly every night so I try to stay out of the way. School is okay I suppose it could be better, my favourite lesson is maths, and it’s only my favourite because it is dead easy. well I suppose that is all I have to say about myself really, I’m 5ft 2" with straight black hair to my shoulders, I’m quite skinny as I don’t eat well and I cover up as much as possible.

Day 2(My Family)-
Hey, I have just got in from school and yet again my mum and dad are drinking, typical! They are always drinking, I hate it when they drink they get really violent towards me. They always start arguments and threaten to hit me if I don’t agree with some of the things they say. They spend all of their money on drink so we have hardly any food in at all. So I don’t eat much and you can tell that it is affecting me, I’m really skinny and get tired a lot at school and during the day. My mum and dad don’t seem to care though, otherwise they would buy food and ask how I am, and I never get asked how I am. They hardly ever talk to me unless they are arguing with me. I told one of my closet friends, well my only friend; about it and she said its neglect?

Day 3(My School)-
Hi, just got in from school, had an okay day today. It was pretty much the same as every day, the same old routine, and the same old bullies saying stuff to me, the same old teachers pretending to care. it never changes, the bullies always call me an emo because my ex-best friend spreaded round that I self-harm(which I can’t say isn’t true but she didn’t have the right to spread round my secret) that’s why we fell out, they always throw stuff at me such as pencils, pens, sometimes even things that could hurt like scissors. the teachers are always asking if I’m okay and asking about my home life it’s not like they care, they have to pretend to its their job. Well as for my only close friend ruby she’s the best, she listens to me when I talk and she never calls me names she seems to understand me quite a bit. It’s almost as if she has gone through the same. But her life is perfect she has the best mum and dad ever who spoil her rotten and take her loads of fancy places, I have been invited before but my mum said I wasn’t allowed because I had been naughty and was grounded, she always said that if I wanted to go out. I was always stuck in this dump. Sometimes school is better then been at home I think.

Day 4(The Story Why My Parents Drink)-
Hi, thought I would let you know how my mum and dad became alcoholics. It all started about 2 years ago when my mum found out my dad had been sleeping with this other girl. they argue non-stop for about 2 hours, all I could do was sit in my room and listen to my mum shout and scream at my dad calling him an idiot, how she wasted time on him, how she regretted ever meeting him and lastly how she regretted having a child to him(me). When I heard those words I was so angry I cried. I always had the feeling they didn’t want me. They used to hit me before but that was only when I was naughty now it was a bad habit they couldn’t break. After that big fight they just drank all the time it was the only way their relationship was lastly. Without my dad would have gone off with that other women and my mum would have probably put me into care.

Day 5(What Happens When They Drink)-
A lot of things kick of when they drink, they argue with me, they throw stuff around the house and expect me to tidy up after, they accuse me of things I haven’t even done yet and the things they do and say to me isn’t nice. when my mum is drunk she hits me a lot, they leave marks and bruises so I have to cover up a lot, she cuts my legs if I refuse to go down stairs when she has called me, she calls me; a spoilt brat, ungrateful, a cow nearly all the words you could think of. She doesn’t smoke which is a relief otherwise she would burn me as she has already threaten before, "if I smoked you would regret it, if you were ever naughty then you would get burned!!" were my mums slurred words. As for my dad he was just as bad he would hit me to and call me names but he went that little bit too far. on a night when my mum had gone to bed or passed out he would come up to my bed and sit and talk to me saying things such as "you’re a sweet girl", "your pretty, it’s a shame your my daughter." but one night he went too far with the things he said... one night I was sat in my room minding my own business when I heard footsteps up the stairs, in a way I hoped it was my dad so I wouldn’t be getting beaten, when the door slowly opened it showed that it was infect my dad, I sighed with relief. He sat next to me on my bed and starting talking, all I did was listen and nod so I didn’t get hurt for saying something wrong. But soon his talking went a little bit further, I was sat in my blue shorts and my pyjama top on, "your mothers asleep" he said stroking my leg, "we could have some fun?" he said with a wink and before I could even say get away from me now he had pinned me down and started stripping both me and him. That night I lost my innocents and it’s never been the same. It happens nearly every night my mum falls asleep. I don’t know how much longer I can take this?

Day 6(My Plan)-
Hi, my life was just going downhill, I had accepted the fact that it wasn’t getting better about 2months ago when my mum died.to be honest I don’t know how much longer I could take this. I have come up with a plan though; my dad still drinks so when he goes to sleep would be the perfect time to do it. my plan was that I would wait to my dad was asleep and I would take my own life (I would hang myself) I really couldn’t take this any longer it was getting worse my dad sexually abused me more and more and left more marks every time I had decided this is what I’m going to do and it’s my last decision. I’d do it tomorrow night.

Day 7(Time To Do It)-
Hi, well tonight’s the night, I’m a bit scared now but I’m ready. I’m just waiting for my dad to go to sleep; he had already had his way with me so he would be going any minute now. I had already tied the rope around a metal bar in my closet. I was just writing a note so that people would know why I did it and what my dad has done and hopefully he will get sent down for it.

1hour later-
Well its time, my dad is asleep and he won’t know till he comes to check on me in the morning. I have left my note on my desk next to my diary; I will soon be with my mum who has hopefully changed while she has been up there. I no it isn’t a good way to go but it’s my only option otherwise my dad would end up murdering me one night and I would rather go like this. I have told my best friend, she called me a stupid idiot and tried to talk me out of it, unfortunately it hasn’t worked. Goodbye diary, I’ll write in heaven .