Why Cant I tell You

Why Cant I Tell You.


Well there comes a time in our lives that we meet a certian person man or female and we get all crazy inside weather its love or just plain lust. we all want the person we like to like us back or even want us but sometimes it doesnt work that way. we all want to be loved and cared for and have that special someone to be there when we return home from work or had a rough day in general to hold you and hug you and tell you everything is going to be ok so why cant we tell them everything we feel?. the simple things in life always never seem as simple as they should be like i want to be with you i like you id like to spend the rest of my life with you regardless weather our lives are differnt and seem to meet up never. maybe even have a real family with you and for once be happy but all those things mostly are left unsaid for meny reasons. is it wrong to love someone thats not sure weather they want you back but feel they love you? what does that mean exactly? I love you but not sure its for the right reasons do you really need a reason to love someone? I thought it was jsut somthing that happend that was unexplained so whats the big mystery if you love someone how can you not want them and be with them how can you love someone and not tell them every day or as often as you can. some say it looses value by saying it so much but once every day isnt too much it lets that person know that you really care and love them how can someone know if you think its dumb or looses value if you say it too much. is there even a too much? i dont understand alot in my life lately and its rather confussing and cathing my feeling off gaurd. I dont no weather to start protecting my heart and start getting used to the fact i wont have you or weather to keep this going and destroy my heart completly i cant seem to get an aswer i get i love you not sure if its the right reason and or i love you but not sure what to do about it is there really no hope for us that we are so different that love its self wont put us together. Like seems like everything is falling apart and rather quckly and im not sure why he says i am pushing him away casue i cant talk to him enough or open up complelty but why would you want to open up to someone your not even sure ur going to end up with. then that person knows everything about you and ur secrets you dont want out and for what nothing really you dont gain much its like ur second best to the world just waiting for the hott number that takes him the rest of the way from you for life. then what you get nothing u get the best days of ur life to find out that the man ur in love with seems to not belong to you and seems he never will in fact when every day he thinks of his ex and manages to put her name in one sentece every day or every few days shes still somewhere in his mind so indeed im scard to open up and not wanting to talk about things i dont think that matters but it saves me my feelings and looking like a complete tard to think that id actually land a decent guy truth is i guess us tomboys never do land a decent guy but we can sure find out and tell you where to find the perfect asshole that will hurt you in every way possibale. truth is the more i cant tell him the more i bottle shit and think about it more and more i want to be his one and only but its not something i can see happening. i fucked up before big and i told an ex that i loved him due to him wanting me to say it to him thinking that it would change the fact i left him and id belive it but the thing was the feeling wasnt there the guy i was seeing read the email i sent to my ex and he got mad even tho he wasnt my bf he was willing to walk out of my life and he almost did but didnt he ended up staying the point is i read him wrong and didnt think i was ever going to be his that i kept messing up but then he told me if he didnt see that email he was going to ask me to be his gf that day fact is i belived it and it tore me apart that i was wrong but the more i think about what he said and now i dont think he ment it, how can he want to make me his gf then when he barely new me and knows me know and im so far behind of coming his gf that it may never happen so i dont get it. he seems to think and come up with more ways not to be my bf then any thing so im confused and not sure weather to let him go or to try and make him see i love him and want to be with him for real. whats the point if he dont feel the same way. all the things i cant tell you make me confused and miserable its not that i dont want to tell you jsut afarid of ur reaction and or what you mite say in return. i want to tell you i want to be urs but that you know already i want to be there for you and only you and i want to be the best gf youve ever had but ur too busy noticing my faults then trying to be mine. you say ur trying to be with me when in realitly it dont seem like it. how do you cope with loving someone that apparently loves you but can barely show it and points out every fault and detail of why you dont belong together.

just another insite on my life rachelle jessup