Surving Insanity

SURVIVING INSANITY  by Jordan Rachael

Precious time
Irretrievable time..
Months, years….
The time it takes
To disappear into ones self
Insanity, Madness, Crazy..
It matters not what it is called.
The only virtue being
Once you have crossed that invisible line
You are no longer
Disparaged by the struggle,
You no longer recognize the difference.
The lines of “normalcy”
Are narrowly defined by society.
Past experiences,
Life circumstances,
Are not always taken into consideration
By the narrow minded.
These things I know well.
I have been back and forth
Across that line,
Eventually recognizing…
Neither sanity nor insanity,
Are easy places to call home.
I had begun to believe,
In a medication induced stupor
That I was the definition
Of  the many labels
Psychiatrists have given me.
I was labeled “crazy’
Unable to decide for myself
Who I was or what I did.
I sat with the others
Who also had that dazed look
That accompanies
Psychotropic medications
Still having enough mind left,
To wonder
Why I did not have a say
In the definition of me.
In a lucid moment
I ponder…
Do I want to be
A part of their plan
A body with a mind
Molded by others.
I decided  NO
This was not taken well
By some
For the inacceptance
Of their diagnosis
Their label,
I was labeled yet again
Uncooperative, disagreeable,
Manipulative, contrary.
Non-compliant
I find a small grain of sanity
And roll it around in my hand
Like a cool, round marble.
I gripped it tightly
It is my focus,
Crazy is not
Who I agree to be.
“Normalcy” has vast boundaries
I am a strong, loving,
Compassionate woman
Who has had to learn to survive
Horrendous acts of abuse
Inflicted upon me
From early childhood
Into adulthood.
Abuse perpetrated upon me
By a truly insane person
Who has not been given a “diagnosis”
Who has not been told that he was “crazy”.
I am not crazy,
I will not be told otherwise.
I am a survivor.