Beauty

Oh how thou hast eluded me!
How thou hast teased me so!
You are so close,
Yet just out of my reach.

You trickster!
You who are the very essence many,
You are truly wicked
To make me hate and long for you!

Why have you done this to me?
What have I done to repel you?
I loved you,
But when you denied me, I grew bitter

Thus my bitterness grew
And I laid helpless in my own self-pity.
I longed for a chance to woo you,
Too take you upon myself and become you

I wanted you to swallow me up
And leave myself.
I wanted nothing more than to be you
And sadly I still do.

I thought I could entice you
With my sweat and tears
I gave up food for you
I gave myself as a sacrifice

Despite this, you never came,
Or if you had, you never told me
I hid in the shadows
And covered myself

I could see you all around me,
Enjoying yourself with those you chose
All your lovers enjoying your gifts
Yet alone you had left me

Had I not given enough?
Had I asked for too much?
Had I not been worthy of you?
What had I done wrong?

Your gifts are many
Your lovers are heard
Your lovers are seen
And your lovers are wanted

Most gave so little to be with you
They were chosen from birth,
Their paths were set
But where was I?

Where was I when you wandered the cribs?
Where was I when you blessed so many?
Where was I when you chose to love so many?
Was I even in mind?

Despite of you, others loved me
I was given other gifts,
Though they cannot compare to yours,
Can they?

All other gifts are outshined by yours
All other gifts are rendered void
And obsolete
For they are nothing compared to you

You who can be most unkind
To those you have not chosen,
Why can’t I pleas you?
Why can’t I understand you?

You seem so simple and plain,
Elegant and flowing,
Yet you are a mystery!
You are truly a twisted angel!

I cannot formulate you
I cannot create you for myself,
Only try to be touched by you
But I am blind to you and you to me

Even if you’ve touched me,
Even if you’re with me now,
I wouldn’t know
I can only sense you with others.

My mind has been set
I am a creature
Unworthy of you
But trying desperately to be

I have danced around
In hopes of attracting you,
Despite how much I told myself
That I hate you

You have caused me
To see the hypocrisy
Within myself,
Which makes my hatred fester much so

I’ve preached to myself against you
And told myself time and time again
Of how evil and vile you are,
Yet I long for you just the same

You have swallowed our hearts,
Our souls,
Our minds,
Our world, even!

You have created barriers
That only your lovers may pass
You have set standards
That only your lovers may meet

Worst of all,
Despite all my preaching,
And despite all my hatred,
I love you just the same!

Oh how thou hast eluded me!
How thou hast teased me so!
You are so close,
Yet just out of my reach…

Beauty…