Take it all

I stabbed the key into the keyhole, twisting it with such unintended force that the door flew open immediately.

Slowly, cautiously, I walked into the apartment and closed the door, which sung out a horrible creeeeek, announcing that I was home.

The blinds were closed shut over the windows, making the place look dark and dingy. I guess that was appropriate; for this day in particular, for the apartment in general. Again, it was an appropriate feeling.

“Mom?” I called out, shrugging off my dirty coat, “Mom? I’m home!”

I listened intently for a moment, and without any response, I decided no one was home.

Good.

I grabbed my backpack and hurried to the bathroom.

Everything, even time itself, seemed to come to a standstill as I waited, and waited, and waited, praying silently.

Please be no, please say no.

Five minutes was up and as soon as I saw it, the shock crashed over me; my heart sank to my weakened stomach, my vision blurred, my head spun.

This isn’t happening, this can’t happen, I thought. Maybe I said it out loud. I wasn’t sure.

What I held in my hands, what seemed to weigh a thousand pounds, read positive.





Chapter One



I had been sitting on that disgusting, stain-covered couch for God knows how long, staring at the dusty wall in silence. This whole mess, this situation, felt so big, I could swear it was sitting right next to me, breathing down my neck with its' terrible breath. I couldn't understand how in a single moment, my life could be altered so drastically. Honestly, Zoey, a part of my conscious frowned, how could you let this happen?

I glanced down at my trembling hands, holding on to that damn plastic stick, and suddenly, it hit me.

I'm pregnant.

I said it out loud, tasting the bitter words in my mouth, breathing heavily as the lingering meaning stuck in my throat.

My thoughts curled into the room like smoke from a cigarette. Their heavy, suffocating presence was too much for me to bear, and I found myself sobbing, clutching my chest, curling my knees up and hiding my face behind them. How could I let this happen? My whole life, my time on this earth, changed just like that. For 16, almost 17, years, all I wanted was to make it into adulthood peacefully, creeping over every moment as if it were thin ice. And for what? Just to fall in towards the end?

I hated myself. I wished I had never gotten myself in this situation in the first place. I hardly knew what was going on around me; I was sobbing so horribly, my entire body shook, my head hurt, and I was dizzy. Not knowing what else to do, I curled into a ball, hoping I could become small enough to be forgotten.