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This is a poem that sophomores write
about scars, pain and anything in relation |
Relationships, break ups, drama, appearance, and communications. I wish. These are not the burdens in my life. I understand they can be hard. But I have gotten used to seven people all in my head. Seven people Seven personalities Seven names Seven opinions Seven different voices Seven different needs Seven different dreams Seven different goals Seven different people shouting All At once While one wants a rampage;one wants peace While one wants to talk, one refuses While one wants love, one wants hate While one wants to rest, one does not While one wants good grades the other does not. While one starves, one does not While one wants kind deeds, one does not. While one wants something, another denies it. They will argue in my head Their harmful words flinging across my brain I am caught right in the Mid.dle Taking sides is hard when you listen to both Both are right And yet both are wrong. Orange wants freedom and crime. Blue does not. Blue wants contact and safety. Red does not. Red wants rampage violence and screaming. Red has schizophrenia. Red wants anger. Purple does not. Purple wants creativity manners and happiness. Green does not. Green wants to be left a lone and let everybody do the work. Indigo does not. Indigo wants everything done his way. Indigo does not like others. Yellow disagrees. Yellow loves everybody. Yellow is bubbly. They are all so different. When they are all in my head it causes lots of arguments. These voices can do much damage. Orange has told me to run away. Red has told me to kill myself. One time. Two times. Three times. Four times. Red has told me to cut One Two Thirteen times Thirteen scars 2 burn marks. Green has made me fail Indigo has turned people against me. Blue has made me weak and vulnerable to bullies. BtI cn't lve w th t my vcs. Just like vowels. I love my colors in my head. Purple has helped me with everything. Indigo has kept me productive, yellow has kept me happy blue has kept me safe, orange has kept me daring. I am sorry to say this poem goes on. As I have traveled a very rugged life. I have never once liked being adopted. Not knowing who gave me the gift of life. Not knowing the family I was meant to be put with. Not knowing anything about the people that love me the most. Not knowing the reason Not knowing my history Not knowing my birth date Not knowing myself. I had never once liked not having one ear. I had never once liked being raped One Two Three Many Times. Not raped by a stranger a uncle or a friend. I was raped by the person I thought I was closest to. My brother and I played a game I take my underwear off He takes his off We crawl under the covers of my parents bed Say "ohh, and ahh" "That is the sound people make when they have babies" I say them. I do not like it He continues to talk with his hot breath against my skin I sweat Covers Under As a four year old this was not unusual I don't know the difference. It was okay. It was play time I never knew it was bad. When I was nine Spankies Spanking my butt like a boy would do to a girl Like a husband would to to his wife Like a rapist would do to his sister Camping out in a tent alone together All it was Spankies He called it a spankies party I could not go back inside when I had to go to the bathroom When I wanted a drink He watched me pee in the woods That night his body and his breath was even hotter His skin against.mine It did not stop He saw a flashlight shine "pretend to sleep" I pretended and hid his Dirty Disgusting Sick Horrid .secret. He would give me prizes and gifts for when I did those My whole childhood Just a sex game I did not know that. I knew it as good I knew it as normal I have never once liked the surgeries I had. To find the 5 years of painful surgeries has not done a thing. One Two Three Major surgeries. Hospital room with tubes running running running running running running from the inside of my scalp across the room. The surgeons had cut through my abdomen muscle. I could not laugh. It hurt I could not talk. It hurt I could not eat. It hurt I could not breathe. It hurt too. Worst of all. I could not cry for help. I could not walk stand or see anyone for three months. I missed my friends I missed my teachers I missed my dog. The only thing I was able to do was sit in the basement Watching Re Re Re Reruns and recordings Reruns and recordings I have been bullied. Lots Lots Lots of Times Times Times. DEAF.DUMB.STUPID.MEAN.RUDE.PUSSY. I cannot finish the list. Red was getting mad. Red does not like this. Go away red. I am writing. Mother and I don't have a good relationship. I am called names. She calls me Mean She calls me Unclean She calls me Rude She calls me Creepy She calls me Hurtful hurtful words. I cannot speak up to her. She pushes me Right Back Down Dad I am not happy with either. I am not dumb dad. I'm smart. All my dad does is Sit Sit lay down Sit lay down watch tv Sit lay down watch tv scream at us Sit lay Down Watch tv scream at us gain weight. Sit lay down watch tv scream at us gain weight complains Sit lay down watch tv scream at us gain weight complains and plays on the stupid computer Even though he tries to be funny His comedy is very hurtful I do not have a good relationship with my parents. I have never experienced family time I have never experienced family love I have never experienced a family Parents threatening to take the dog to the pound The dog they call her Tilly is her name Tilly is my family. Tilly is loving Tilly is the only one there in the house No matter how much I love her They say I Hate Her They don't pay much attention to me. They complain about how much I cost Hearing aids Surgeries Food School Medical bills My parents do not help when I need it Their abuse has caused me Depression Anxiety And thy still do not care. Even my therapist. Who should help me. All she does is make excuses. For my parents My brother Raped me I am not allowed to reveal that. Mom wants me to keep it a family secret. Nothing is a secret mom. Not when you tell everyone what we do. Nobody knows behind HONOR ROLL.ALL STAR SOCCER PLAYER.FAVORED STUDENT.BLACK BELT KARATE.MANY FRIENDS.MANY GIRLS CRUSHING. MANY SOCCER AWARDS.MANY ACADEMIC AWARDS.ADVANCED CLASSES. 4.0 GRADE AVERAGE. behind that. Is a rapist. I never feel as good as my parents want me to be. My brother owns over 500 trophies. I own three. My parents want me to be athletic I do not Music art writing are for me I never hear "do what you want to do" Or "it's your life" All I ever hear from them is "do it because it makes you look goof" "Do it because Zack did it" "do it or else..." I am so much you don't expect. I am a survivor. From myself I haven't killed myself yet I haven't killed anyone else yet I call that surviving with red All this is hidden from the world Except for my guardian angel My best friend And my sister It's all up to me and my voices. I hide most of these things And continue to Laugh Love Live And learn. With the seven people All at once |