All to rest

I sit here in my apartment. Norfolk, VA. Where I always dreamed of being since I saw 3 Days Grace play at The Norva when I was 14. I'd finally shaken that horrible little town in NC off. Well, I can never quite say that really. It will always haunt me. That one summer. The summer I turned 18 and left it all behind. But shit follows you. Like the man sitting in the chair next to me. Former friend? Former hated acquaintance? Whats the difference. It's been almost 10 years since I drove away with no more than a final "Good bye" or "Fuck you".

I can hear my daughter quietly playing in her room. She turns 9 in only a few short weeks. I never found out who her father was although her long black hair and blue eyes remind me of Chester everyday. Chester Michael Jennings III passed away 2 years after I left town. My highschool sweetheart. The boy I lost my virginity to gone just like that. He had the misfortune of walking into the wrong convenient store at the wrong time and in only seconds his 21 year old life was taken.

I could always track down Skip and do a DNA test but I'm too scared I'll find out Chester isn't her father. Skip wasn't a bad guy. But two bottles of sweet red wine and a blanket under the summer moon ruined everything.

There was a huge fight the night I packed everything and drove away. I had just found out I was pregnant. Jenna my best friend was the first on my list of people I told. Usually for anyone else it would be the father but my delima was "Who is the father?". Yes me and Chester had been together for months and made love much more than just the one time that me and Skip let our indiscretions get the better of us. But had we used a condom? I couldn't answer that. I liked to believe over the next few months we had but no used condom was ever even found.

If I had known Jena was the backstabbing bitch she turned out to be I wouldn't have run to her in the hours that followed the affair. If she had told Chester because she cared about him and thought it was only fair he knew but instead she decided it better to blackmail Skip. The angsty teen drama to unfold ended in Skip being so pissed off at me for telling Jena that he told Chester anyway so my work was done for me.

I'll never forget the look in that boys eyes when he confronted me. It was 2 months after the fling and I had all along been pretending nothing was out of the ordinary.

His crystal blue eyes were dark. Betrayed. His face was sullen and his voice quivered. "I hate you Bonnie" he whispered through clenched teeth. "I swear to god I do". There was nothing I could do. I slowly took of the class ring he had given me after he had declared his love. I only could manage to apologize before running from the situation.

Then that night I heard the news. It was like a scene out of "West Side Story" Chester and Skip were going to fight. I assumed Chester wanted to beat him up for banging his girl... But they weren't fighting for me. Neither of them wanted me.

When I got there they were both pretty messed up. Skip had a black eye and Chester's lip was busted open. Eric was out there trying to be the peace maker. I got out of the car and screamed at the both of them until the lump in my throat formed. 'This is my fault' it occurred to me.

I knew I needed to get out of that place. My world was crumbling around me.

I filled my Saturn with as much as I needed and it would carry. I had a few hundred in the bank and knew where I was headed. I drove down the road passing the park where my two lovers had their little rumble. Eric was sitting on a swing all alone. I don't know why but I felt compelled to stop and sit with him.

He was Chester's best friend and Jena's boyfriend. The guy who I had a crush since I was 13. When I started dating Chester in the beginning of Summer he thought it was to make him jealous so our fairly good friendship came to a screeching halt.

"I know you probably don't want to see me" I said as I approached

He shrouged his shoulders.

I sat in the swing next to him. It was silent for what seemed like a dreamy eternity before he broke the silence-

"How did everything get so fucked up?"

It was my turn to shroug my shoulders now. There was no other answer really.

"I mean one minute you and Chester are happy. The next you've slept with that druggie and are knocked up by god knows who and now my best friend's heartbroken, beat up and its all for nothing."

"Well if it makes you feel better its only between Skip and Chester" I answered truthfully.

He nodded his head.

I couldn't hold in my rash decision much longer. I blurted it out "I'm leaving town"

"...Good"

How can one simple word pierce through your heart so badly? It burned through me.

I got up and walked back to my car. I turned around for only one moment as I opened the door- "I still love him you know". I didn't wait for a reply... I was too afraid of what it would be. I pulled out of that parking lot that night and it was the last time I saw that town.

Its taken years to forget it all. I was finally happy where I was. But then a knock on my door 10 years later pulls me from that happy bliss.

I see the 29 year old man in front of me almost the same as the 19 year old boy he used to be sitting on those swings that night so long ago.

Just like that night we sit here in my living room. Neither of us talking.

"Why?" was the only question I could fathom at this time.

He sat there weighing the reasons in his mind. I could tell there were many different answers rolling around in his head.

"Its Chester's anniversary"

If I was a cold hearted bitch I would've asked when he got married or something but we both knew what he meant and there's a time and place for everything. Even this absurd life should be taken seriously from time to time.

"I know it is" I sighed "But why did you come visit me?"

"Is it that odd I track down an old friend?"

I couldn't help but scoff.

"Jena was the one who made me think that you started dating Chester to get back at me"

Not a surprise. Not in the least.

"I found this out after our marriage crumbled 3 years ago. That's when I started tracking you down"

"So you guys finally did tie the knot then?"

"Yeah, Right before I turned 21. I realized it was because of the trust fund my Grandparents set up. She sucked me dry in the divorce. Heard she's latched onto a lawyer now"

"And the black widow strikes again."

We both smiled. The ice had been broken.

"So anyway, When I realized that you weren't playing with me and Chester's heads I wanted to apologize. I wish I had still talked to you and then maybe things would be different. I know that if I had remained friends with you, you wouldn't have met Skip and you and Chester would have stayed together. He wouldn't have turned to alcohol and wouldn't have gone to get more the night he died. I can't help but feel responsible"

I let it all sink in. Its hard to imagine how such little things can lead to so many major events.

"Don't beat yourself up about it. Its impossible to know how these things will work out. If anything it was Jena's fault. She caused the chain reaction."

"I shouldn't have been so blinded by her bullshit though. But that's all history. I'm sorry how things unraveled. I'm sorry none of us supported you. I know Chester loved you with all of his heart. He wrote a will when he was 19. It was something we both did after Jake Collins died, you remember him? Kid on the football team died of a heart attack but anyway we realized shit could hit the fan at anytime so we wrote ours. He left you something that I've held onto. I admit I wasn't going to give it to you until I found out the truth but here" He reached in his pocket and pulled out the golden band. I held in my hand as my eyes became misty. The ornate emerald still shined just as brightly as the day Chester gave it to me himself. "Class of '09" was boldly engraved around it.

"Thank you" Was all I could say.

The next couple of weeks were surreal for me. It was like my story was finally closed. Like a mystery that had gone cold years ago was suddenly solved and put to rest. But there was one thing missing.

Like I said the night I left was the last night I ever set foot in that sleepy old town but my heart was tugging me back. I fought with myself like a crazy woman but still found myself taking off the weekend from my busy job at one of Norfolk's hottest bars. It must be important to sacrifice the amazing cash flow that comes in on a Friday and Saturday night.

I found myself at the trip's sole destination. A headstone read "Chester Michael Jennings III: March 8th 1991- October 17th 2012" Although not shocked I was happy to see many bouquets of flowers surrounding the stone. I lay my own across it and sat down.

While I cannot say that I will ever be able to fully except everything that happened all those years ago I can say I've found closure. I gained an old friend back and finally could lay the man I loved to rest. I am finally and will forever be at peace.