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Rated: 13+ · Fiction · Fanfiction · #1806018
The physical examinations, so the club must find a way to protect the girls secrets .
The next day after school I tried to run… unsuccessfully. I was then carried back to the music room by Misukani's bodyguard... kicking and screaming I might add.

"You're not getting away." the first words I've heard from him this whole time.

My one way ticket to hell expired as he dropped me in the clutches of the Host Club, oh someone just kill me now. Not like my life was fucked up enough without this. My parents didn't stick around for five minutes after I was born, then they just go and die, and I'm stuck at an orphanage until I'm eighteen. And then this, no, that's just the tip of the fucking iceberg.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do as a "Host", and then they tell me. And on second thought... I was better off not knowing. I'm supposed to be committing oral sex in the major third degree, and pretend I actually like these crazy fangirls. This morning they stole my gym clothes so they could smell my sweat. I thought it couldn't get any worse until I saw what I was supposed to wear, a lavender suite for guys. First you make the school pink and then you make the guys wear lavender? Who runs this fucking school? the Wizard of Oz set design crew? The club opened and I was set with three trail costumers, dying by the way, I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I see a costumer's tea cup is empty so I offer to refill it in attempt to escape, but when I sand up I shake the table and spill everyone's cups. I ended up refilling everyone's cups and having Kyoya charge me for the cracked tea cups.

So far things weren't going very well, and by that I mean having all my costumers run out in tears. I bang my head on the table hopping to educe a concussion when Haruhi comes over to me.

"It's alright, this just takes some getting used to." she tried to comfort me to no avail.

After that display no costumers would come near me, so I ended up serving tea, Kyoya hammered on his laptop forensically the whole day which worried me. The club closed for the day and Haruhi and I were cleaning up, just as I was about to leave Kyoya thanked me for doing such a good job. Something about that scared the crap out of me, no, everything about that scared the hell out of me, I knew he wasn't the type of person to give out complements or be so happy about failure.

The next day every girl in class blatantly avoided me like I had AIDES or something. I had five classes of that until lunch where the guys started to avoid me as well. Why was the Host Club ruining my life? Not like it was that great before but still. I couldn't take it any more so I went out to the courtyard for some air. I sit on the fountain just to think, about why I'm here, about The Host Club, and about how I got into this mess. So far I haven't found any answers but I still have a millions of questions.

I was going to have to find them later because lunch was over, I headed down the corridor to my next class when I heard voices coming my way. I hid behind a large marble column to avoid any attention, then I realized they were voices I recognized.

"Tamaki I think we need to discus Hirro's performance at the club yesterday," that was Kyoya.

"Yes. I realize this one may have no diamond hidden in the ruff..." that was Tamaki.

"Several guests left complaints and her costumers were the worst. I fear Hirro's presence may act as a deterrent for current and potential customers. Not that she's not a valuable asset to the club, just that she's not good enough to be a host." not like I didn't see through that.

"I understand. Well I guess we could always use another dog."

I came out from behind the column soon as I heard them leave. There has to be a thousand other words to chose from and you chose "dog"? Not like it came as a shock to me though, it's been this way my whole life. No one ever takes my feelings under consideration, and no one cares. So basically I'm stuck as their "pooch" until I graduate. I went to my next class only to have AIDES again, my last two classes just flew by like it dose when you have impending doom weighting after school. I had the Host Club. I showed up early to set everything up; today's theme was waiters and kimono's. The club was throwing a flower viewing reception. Haruhi, Hunny, Mori, and I were in kimonos and the rest of them were waiters.

I was serving tea most of the time until Kyoya called me over, no surprise what he needed to say, "Don't worry about it, I already know what you're going to say." this shocked him.
I had the feeling that he's used to being secretive, he reflected the light off is glasses and said I was free to go. Haruhi and I were taking a break when the twins appeared behind us, "So what elective courses are you guys taking this semester, switching roles, "Maybe conversational French", they were taunting Tamaki saying how we were in the same class and out of nowhere Kyoya pulls out this pie chart.

"You two should go back to dressing like girls again!" then he's ranting on about us leading wholesome lives and calling himself "daddy",

"Who are you calling "daddy"?" asks Haruhi.

"You are not my father." I say. We both had similar answers.

Then the twins said something about physical exams and everyone started shooting daggers at us. The next day was pretty normal until Haruhi showed up, and then Tamaki pulled out a whiteboard talking about "Formation A". I didn't really care and apparently neither did Haruhi,

"Hey if they find out I'm a girl there's nothing I can do about it, right?" she reasons.

"And I just don't give a damn." I don't think that's the reaction they were looking for. Takashi said "fancy tuna" and Haruhi's attitude instantly changed, she poses a weak argument against it but eventually gives in. I guess I have no choice.

So everyone's in the exam room Haruhi and I wet with our nurse, which I think was staged because no one shares a nurse. Everyone saw Mitsukuni and Takashi dressed as doctors. Who would be that stupid, the smart kind of stupid: Kyoya. The girls at this school have to be smoking something. The twins were doing the whole "I'm so gay for you" act and girls were waving their underwear in the air. T-T

Mitsukuni and Takashi pushed us into a changing room while everyone was distracted. I fell while Haruhi was caught by Tamaki, hey can I get a little equality here? I had no idea what he was going to do. All he said was "I'll protect you" well long story short he's a total dumb-ass and I can't get through the details without cracking up. I was starting to think it is easier to just rip off my shirt right there, then Kyoya told us we had a private room and that all of the doctors were on staff at his family's hospital,

"What the hell is wrong with you?" His only reasoning was revenge on Tamaki for calling them homosexual supporting cast.

We arrived at the Special Boys clinic were the doctor told us that she had been sworn to secrecy, so we got undressed in the changing room. We had just taken are shirts off when some man in a lab coat snuck in, "Um excuse me-", when he heard Haruhi he put his hands on our mouths and backed us into a corner. I was about to panic when Mitsukuni jumped in with a round house kick, I didn't know he knew Tai Kwon Do. Then all the hosts started appearing out of nowhere talking about what it means to be a host, Tamaki put his shirt on Haruhi and Kyoya gave me his blazer.

Once everyone was outside the changing room the man just spills his life story, I didn't bother paying attention to the whole thing I came in at the part when his wife and daughter left him, "I don't mean to pry but why did they leave you", no Haruhi that's exactly like prying. Tamaki told Kyoya to find a map of all the public schools for him and he finally left. Haruhi asked everyone to leave, Tamaki got all worried that she might be quitting the Host Club, "Nah, I just need to finish my physical exam, as a male student."

"Ah, I can see right through you", Tamaki shouted,

"Well that's comforting." I say.

"Will you all just get out!"
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