Saykrid Ritins

You'll have heard of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, god of the Pastafarians, and also Ceiling Cat, skie-daddy ov LOLcatz.



When first I beheld Spaghetti Cat, miraculously manifested on Fox's 'The Morning Show', I knew it was a Revelation. It became clear to me that Ceiling Cat had been touched by His Noodly Appendage, thereby begatting Spaghetti Cat, Our Spagmogular Saviour!



"He knoweth that we are all w*****s, yet he forgiveth us. Yay, he hath deigned to walk among us; he blesseth us with His Noodly Whiskers! Kthxbairamen." - Confabulations, Ch 4, verse LXVIII



"Drinkest thou of Beer, and eatest thou of Cheezburgaz, for His Spagmogness is with thee, now and 4eva, kthxbairamen." - Piffocks, Ch 12, verse DCCOMIX



Pnut Cat (a harmlessly insane baby squirrel) is Spaghetti Cat's foremost disciple. He has been helping His Noodliwhiskerage with His saykrid ritins. Spagmog is very grateful, of course, but on the other hand He doesn't really want the whole thing to be about peanuts . . .

teh Wholly Babble Book

Book Wun: NOMS

Ch 1, v I. In His whiskery benevolence, our Spagmogular Saviour created peanuts. In duality He created them, wherefore upon the opening of the shell there might be found not one but two peanuts, so that he who haveth a peanut might share it in fullness with his fwendy.

v II. Dry Roasted also He created them, thereby to increase their nomworthiness. Whensoever it shall come to pass that thou openeth their packet - yea verily, sealed in foil for freshness - then shalt thou sniffeth the farty smell thereof, even before thou nommeth them.

v III. Bewarest thou the spicy-coated peanut! Thou consumeth them at thine own peril, for they are unsuitable for squirlys, and causeth yickiness in their tummys. Be thou not a squirly, then mayst thou indulge of their spicy goodness with impunity.

v IV. Thou shalt not putteth jam in thy peanut butter sarnies, unless it be that thou art American, in which case thou art beyond redemption. And, anyway, why dost thou call jam "jelly"? Thou art silly.

v V. Neither shalt thou nom of the peanuts upon the bar, for they have got poo upon them.

v VI. Orthodox Pastafarians also mayst partaketh of the Sacred Peanut, for His Noodliwhiskerage hath created also Satay Noodles, which haveth peanuts in it somewhere.

v VII. There are those who knoweth not the ways of Spagmog. Those imperfect of thought sayeth "WTF are you on about? Peanuts weren't invented by a cat!" But Pnut Cat sayeth unto them: "Mi bestest fwendy Spaghetti Cat totally did invented pnutz, so poo!"

v VIII. Then it came to pass that the imperfect of thought rose up in mighty wrathfulness and cryeth: "There's more to life than peanuts, you ridiculous rodent!" Yet Pnut Cat confoundeth them, saying: "K . . . Pnut fwavr icy-cream!"

v IX. Then the imperfect of thought lamenteth, saying: "Bloody Hell, I give up!"

v X. And Pnut Cat forgiveth them, saying: "Y bez nasti? Hifn i givs u pnut, u bez hapi? Pnut Cat wuvs pnutz!"