A satirical press-release from the fictitious Fry Sauce Advisory Board. |
Sponsored by the Fry Sauce Advisory Board: Ron Paul Has Never Voted Against Fry Sauce This election year it seems that numerous presidential hopefuls are calling for change. However, this blog contains an appraisal of the facts as pertaining to civil liberties and fry sauce consumption which should always fall at the center of national discourse. -Ron Paul has never sponsored a house bill limiting your ability to use fry sauce. -Ron Paul has voted to make fry sauce available in New York state, Michigan, AND Tennessee. -Though he believes in the purist 2/3 mayo to 1/3 ketchup recipe, Ron Paul does not believe in restricting your personal choice in measuring fry sauce proportions. -Mitt Romney, though a Mormon and therefore also logically a Utahan, and though he supported HR9900541, and though he claims to be an avid consumer of the greatest condiment, has endorsed the overturn of pro-fry sauce legislation in Massachusetts time and time again. -Fact: Barack Obama has never tasted fry sauce. -Mike Huckaby does not believe in fry sauce as part of a healthy diet, Rudy Giuliani only eats arabs, and John McCain doesn't even like MAYONAISE. -Hilary Clinton once referred to the greatest condiment as quote, "pink shit you smear on french fries." Further, she believes, quote, "Is this even an issue?" Obviously it is. In the hearts and minds of the mountain states fry sauce loving community, the restriction of our constitutionally granted fry sauce eating ability has been overlooked by the mainstream media. However, our cause does not fall on deaf ears. Ron Paul, or Dr. No in congressional circles, says yes to fry sauce. |