The Robot

The alarm clock blared. It was 5:30 a.m.  He woke up, and went to the bathroom. He ate his breakfast at exactly 5:40. He ate special k with a slice of cantaloupe every day. He read in good housekeeping that was the best thing to eat for breakfast. He went outside and got the newspaper exactly ten minutes later. He took a shower at 6 a.m. on the dot. He took exactly ten minutes to shower. He wore the white shirt on Monday, the blue on Tuesday and the red on Wednesday. His house was immaculate. The floors vacuumed every day. You could run your finger along any surface and there would be no dust. A drill sergeant would be proud of this home. The bed was made immediately made after he left it. The bookshelves and DVDs were alphabetized. He didn’t drink, he didn’t do drugs. He did play guitar, but he only played scales. It was only to exercise his brain. Yeah pretty bad right?
He has lived like this for five years, ever since his wife left him. Jeff saw nothing wrong with this. Being thirty now he thought he had a good grasp on how to live. He made a good middle class wage, and a fairly nice apartment. He had money, but not a lot. He made sure he never had too much or too little. His order was the only way for anyone to be a productive stable part of society. ‘It’s how people keep themselves together, to keep yourself from being a bad person’, he would tell himself. The world is chaos; only order can keep a man’s head above water. This was a mantra he said to himself every day. This was partly true; at least it was true for Jeff. His order kept him functional. If anything was out of place he would have a breakdown. His father was even more regimented, if you can believe that. For someone who liked order New York was not the place to be. Somehow in his apartment he held it all together.
‘People these days, they don’t know how to live their lives. They need more structure’, His father would always say to him. His father would beat Jeff if he broke anything in the house. If anything was scratched, his father would know about it. If furniture was moved one inch from where it was before, he would get punished. He opened the door to leave his apartment ‘I am going now, nobody move!’ He said to the apartment and snickered. Only silence responded. ‘Do you want anything while I am gone’ He said out to the silent apartment he lived in. There was no response. ‘Well to hell with you then’, He barked at the empty apartment and slammed the door. He left the world of his apartment to face the chaotic world of society. Now I have to deal with the crazies, he thought to himself. He got into the elevator and just as it was shutting he heard, “Hold the elevator!”A cute girl in her twenties yipped as she ran down the hallway with her cocker spaniel. Jeff huffed as he heard this and reluctantly held the door for her. She is going to make me late for work he thought to himself. “Thank you so much!” she said with a bright smile.
She was in spandex running shorts. She had a nice body and a beautiful face. Not that Jeff would notice, and no he is not gay, even though any heterosexual man that saw this girl would want to fuck her brains out.
"Hey you live down the hall from me right? Funny seeing you here. I never got your name, I am Emily.” she said still smiling at Jeff.  Jeff  replied after a few second, “Jeff”, Still not looking at her. “I like your suit, where did you get it?” she said to Jeff. “I got it at uhh, Walmart” Jeff said.
He kept staring at the lights indicating the floor he was on, as if he that could somehow make the elevator move faster. I am going to be late, he thought to himself. Jeff started pushing the ground floor button to get the elevator to move. It finally started and they headed to the ground floor.
“I am taking my pookems here for a walk. We are gonna go to central park and maybe sunbathe afterwards. “ said Emily. “That’s nice” replied Jeff.  “I took the day off from work since it is so nice out. You could call in sick and come with!” She said with a little less beaming of a smile. “I have to be at work today” said Jeff. Her smile started to fade. The elevator stopped at another floor on the way down. Yeah this is a big apartment building. A man in his twenties walked in, he was a decent looking guy. He actually lived on Jeff and Emiy’s floor. He saw Emily and said, “Hey Emily where are you off to?” “I am going to the park George. Taking my pookie here for some exercise. Hey have you seen Amanda?” she said starting to smile again.
“I am a man! Duh!” said George, they both laughed. Jeff stood there staring at the lights. Almost there he though, two more flows.“Hey do you want to come with, maybe get something to eat George” Said Emily. “yeah sure, why not” replied George. The elevator hit ground level and they headed out together. ignoring Jeff. ‘these people are ridiculous, how will they ever get far in life like that?’ Jeff muttered to himself and shook his head, he headed out to work.
         Jeff was expecting it to be a normal day of work. He worked at a bank, the Chase on 54th street to be exact. He decided to take a cab since the elevator escapade had held him up. He arrived at work exactly one minute late. He ran into the building, pushing people aside. He made it to his desk as his came over. “Sorry I am late, Mr Hawking, it won’t happen again.” Said Jeff frantically. “what are you talking about? Just relax Jeff. I am not here to harangue you. I just wanted to say your work is very good. I just think you should take a vacation. You seem too wound up”  Said Mr hawking. “No, uh no, I don’t think I should do that sir. There is too much work.”Said jeff.  “don’t worry, I will get sally to take your work load for the week”
Jeff almost had a total anxiety attack. He started breathing heavy and felt a tingling in his arms. He looked over at Sally’s desk and took a big gulp. The desk was a total mess, there were forms and papers everywhere. There was a coffee ring stain on the desk. A coffee ring stain!
“no, no sir.” That won’t do” he said to Mr. hawking.“You take time off, or you leave, you haven’t taken a week off in three years.” Hawking said firmly. Jeff lowered his head in submission. “Starting now” said hawking. His boss rolled away in his wheelchair.Jeff slowly took his stuff. He picked up his briefcase and slowly headed out of the bank.He walked for miles in disbelief. ‘What am I going to do’, he thought to himself. He stood outside of a convenience store. He stood there staring around at all the hustling people. He never really watched people walk by, never bothered to or had the time. ‘There are a lot of people in this city.’ He said out loud to himself. ‘Move it ya stupid fuckin tourist’ yelled some Italian who bumped Jeff hard as he passed. Jeff kept getting pushed by his fellow New Yorkers so he decided to head into the store. He walked around until he got to the candy aisle. He looked at all the different colors. He saw one box was full of snickers when it said reese’s pieces. ‘Excuse me, sir! You’re boxes here are not in order!’ he yelled over to the store clerk. The clerk, a pakistinian man, was standing behind bullet proof glass. He gave Jeff an aloof stare. You know the kind of stare that says I really don’t care and I really don’t like working here. Jeff walked over to the counter and said, “The candy boxes are out of order.” The clerk replied, “Yes candy is two for one”.
“No, No, the candy box, god help me.” He said, “the candy boxes are out of order!” he yelled as the clerk kept the blank stare on him. Jeff headed back to the candy Aisle. He started to re-arrange the boxes. “Sir please, leave the candy alone” the clerk said, starting to get agitated. Jeff went through each box, looking at each candy bar. “no it’s ok, I am helping you” replied Jeff. Jeff went over to the dairy refrigerators. They were somewhat dirty and the milks were all mixed up. One percent was with Two percent, and the Non-fat was nowhere to be seen. “this won’t do” said Jeff. He started rearranging the milks.
“sir please, buy something or leave.” The clerk said getting more and more agitated. “If you don’t leave I will call police.” Jeff ignored him, he was hard at work. The clerk picked up the phone and started dialing. About forty minutes later the police arrived. Jeff was fully engrossed in his work and didn’t even see the cops come in. They were typical NYPD, slightly overweight but decent men, with the classic cop moustaches. “Ok buddy, let’s go come on.” said the cop as he firmly grabbed Jeff. Jeff finally noticed the policemen. “what? Why are you grabbing me, what are you doing! I was trying to help you and this is how you repay me!?” Jeff said to the store clerk who rolled his eyes. He said something in his native tongue, Punjabi. Nobody knew exactly what it was, but it was definitely some swear word directed at or Americans in particular.
         They handcuffed Jeff, he fought very hard to break free. They had to pin him down and cuff his legs, ripping his shirt in the process. “I pay my taxes, you are supposed to serve and protect, not arrest innocents. I didn’t do anything wrong!” yelled Jeff as they lifted him into the squad car. “Ok buddy, whatever you say.” replied the cop, who was mostly detached from the situation. “Yeah we got another loony here down on 40th st. We are gonna take him to the precinct for disturbing the peace.” The cop said as he keyed his radio. “Come-on Come-on Charlie delta tango, bring in that perp beta-bravo.”The radio blared back. “What?” the cop replied. “Oh sorry, yeah just bring him in we have room” the radio responded. The cop shook his head, “Damn dispatchers always screwing around.” He said to his partner. “We got time to pick up some food?” said his partner. “No rookie we can’t do that until we drop this nut-bar off” said the officer.
         They headed to the precinct. They brought Jeff inside and did all the paperwork on him. “Do you want a phone call?” said the officer. Jeff thought for a second. “No, I don’t have anyone to call.” He said to the cop sadly. Four hours of paper work and a strip search later they placed him in a holding cell. He sat inside in silence. Thinking on how the hell he got here and wondering why they arrested him. Another officer came up and tapped on the bars with his nightstick. “Let’s go bates”, the officer said to Jeff. “My name is Matthews.” He replied harshly to the cop. “Whatever psycho” said the cop back to him. They let him out of the cell. They handcuffed him on a chain gang with six other prisoners. The other men looked like typical low-lifes. They all looked like worn out men who had done nothing good with their lives.
“look at these guys, I don’t belong here.’ he thought to himself. He didn’t make eye contact with them as they got in a bus to head to the court building. They arrived and were searched again. They were placed inside a small holding cell. Jeff grabbed the bars and started yelling. “I don’t belong in here. I didn’t do anything. Let me out.”“Sit down now!” yelled one of the officers fiercely.“hey calm down guy, you will get out of here.’ Said a man on the bench.‘take a seat’Jeff sat down on the iron slab that was a bench with five other men. He sat down next to the guy who was talking.
“Looks like you have had a hell of a day”, said the man. “You work on wall street or somethin?”, said the man. “I work in a bank, look at these clothes”, Jeff replied, not looking at the man.
“What did you do to get in here?” said the man. “I don’t know, this is a mistake. These cops are out to get me or something.”, said Jeff angrily. The man laughed. “Oh really now? The old this was a mistake plea” said the man laughing some more. “What happened? tell me.” Jeff stared off at the wall. “I was selling weed. A man comes up to me, asks if I am holding, I say maybe. He offers me money. I give him something. Next thing I know ten cop cars pull up out of nowhere. Fucking unbelievable shit I tell ya.” Said the man. “Maybe you shouldn’t be selling drugs” said Jeff. “Yeah I could do that, but then I wouldn’t be able to feed my kids. I can’t get a job that pays
anything decent. Spend all my time working. Just be a slave like my ancestors. No sir, can’t do that. Being in jail again is better than that. These guys arrest me, I already have a drug charge case going.” Said the man.‘yep’ replied jeff. Staring at the wall still.‘I love my kids, don’t care ‘bout much else.’ Only decent thing that happened to me.Jeff looked at the man and turned his head back. “How many kids you have?” he said to the man.“Three. One is five, one is four and one is three. Only way I can feed them is sellin drugs, now they got me in here. Can’t do shit, it’s only gonna be worse.” Said the man.“yeah that’s too bad’ Jeff said ‘I had a kid too, my wife took her away. ‘most beautiful thing you ever saw.’ He said almost smiling.
‘If I didn’t have kids, wouldn’t need to sell.’ The man leaned in and whispered.’ I was slinging rock too, a lot more money. luckily I didn’t have it the day they busted me.’ He said and leaned back ‘You couldn’t find any work?’ Jeff said to the man ‘I was a custodian, but the economy went to shit and here I am. Never hit anyone. Never had to steal. All I did was sell some drugs to feed my kids. They won’t care though.’ He said.‘I’m Jeff by the way’‘Clarence’ said the other man.They both sat in silence for a minute.
‘I was in a convenience store, I was trying to help the man with his store and organize his stuff.’ Said Jeff.‘you were doing what?’ Clarence said and started laughing.“The shelves were out of order and I was trying to fix them. Then the cops came in and arrested me’ said Jeff“Why the hell were you doing that for?”“I was trying to help out, if his store is a mess, people can’t find anything” said jeff.“But why? You don’t work there. You don’t need to do that” replied Clarence still laughing.
“I don’t know, I just thought it was necessary.” Said Jeff.
“You gotta learn to relax Jeff. You are so uptight. You are an ok guy but you really need to relax. Go get laid when you get out of here or smoke some weed.” Said Clarence.“No I don’t do drugs.” replied Jeff.“Ah man, we got a holy man here! Seeking righteous path!” said Clarence loudly. “It’s not religious, it is just personal choice. Drugs cause disorder” said Jeff“That’s the point!” replied Clarence.
“You need to break out Jeff, you are locked up! I don’t even mean in here. Inside.” Said Clarence.“I, I don’t know. Maybe I don’t know” said Jeff.“Jeff Matthews, James Thomas, and Wayne Brady! Let’s go you are up” said the officer sternly.“I guess it is my time to go. Take care Clarence. Good luck with those kids.” Jeff said as he stood up. He paused for a second and turned and put his hand out. Clarence shook his hand. “Take care my friend” said Clarence.
Jeff headed out of the cell. He was handcuffed again and brought to the courtroom. The room was silent as he was paraded in. He sat down on the bench. His hands tightly bound and the cuffs
digging into his wrists, as if this wasn’t painful enough.
He was called before the Judge. “Jeff Matthews. You are charged with disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. How do you plead?”“Not guilty” replied Jeff with his head bowed low.“Not guilty is the plea. You will be given a court date of October second. You will be let free on your own recognizance. Bailiff please remove the handcuffs.” Said the judge.The bailiff removed the cuffs. Jeff was given a piece of paper with his trial information. He left the courtroom. He sat outside waiting for his stuff to be returned. An hour later he got his wallet and keys back. He walked out of the courtroom. Tired and worn out. He got outside and was blinded by the sunlight.
He headed for the subway and took it to his apartment. Jeff pushed the elevator button, he waited a minute and someone came walking up behind him. “Hey what happened to you? You look like you got mugged.” said Emily.They both stepped in the elevator. Jeff pressed the button to his floor.“Something like that. “ replied jeff, who was shocked that he responded.“ahh too bad, the park was nice. You missed out” she said.“Where is George? I thought you went with him” “He is a tool. He tried to grab me. I just don’t want to talk about it. Besides that it was a nice day” she said.“Yeah I had a rough one.” He replied.“You want to go grab something to eat with me, maybe get a drink” she said.“I, I don’t know it’s been a long day” he replied The doors opened and they stepped out on their floor.“come on, just one night, what else are you going to do stay home and read? Come on” she said“oh, I guess, alright.” He replied. “Let me just get a shower and a change”. “ok meet me back here in thirty minutes.” She said