Mr Rocket Nuts 10-12

Part Ten: Aww Nuts!

An eastward wind blew southward for the first time that day, this was of course the sign that Huzzah! The magical russian bear would soon arrive, and spread pestilence and whole body cramps.
This infromation however, was unknown to Mr Rocket Nuts, as he was attempting to juggle three babys and one more baby, so, four babys.
The phone rang. This startled Mr Rocket Nuts, causing him to gingerly set down all the babys, which he would later devour, but he had no time now. He had to answer that phone!
When he picked up the long range communication device, he heard the voice of Huzzah! The magical russian bear say "I am Huzzah! The magical russian bear, and I will have my revengence day. Once and for now!"
Hearing this, Mr Rocket Nuts responded "Toots dear hoofing bottle Jared?"
To which Huzzah! Said "Yes, right-o then, i'll fight you in short time dudes."
And then they both hung up.
Mr Rocket Nuts ate two of the babys while waiting for Huzzah! To arrive.
As soon as Huzzah! arrived at the Nuts Cavern, Mr Rocket Nuts leaped off of the midget he was sitting atop of and attacked Huzzah! from the behind with a copymachine, just smashed the dang thing right over his dome, causing massive damage to Huzzahs! face front. (This happened because Mr Rocket Nuts willed his arms to grow three and a half feet so that he could hit him in the face and attack him from the behind...yes)
Needless to say, Huzzah! was upset that his face now resembled a flat thing, as his face was always something people liked to look at while talking to him, now they will be all "Hey, this guys face is flat, I don't want to talk to him, I'd rather go squat on a cactus or something else awful." These thoughts caused Huzzah! to cry and poop his pants and fart and sneeze and vomit and hiccup and cough and lactate all at the exact same time. And, as everyone knows...testiciles.
Yes, but also, Mr Rocket Nuts felt compassion for Huzzah! and decided to gingerly chain him up to the ceiling, and poke him with a beehive on the end of his favorite ten foot stick.
After weeks of proding the now dead Huzzah! with a beehome, Mr Rocket Nuts unchained the magical bear, and devoured him in one quick swallow.
No chewing.
None.

Part Eleven: Nuts Woman.

We begin our journey into self awareness with Mr Rocket Nuts standing on the balcony of the underground Nuts Cavern, wearing a banana hammock.
I should also mention that Mr Rocket Nuts has gained about 327 pounds over the last couple of moon cycles, and is now weighing in at an impressive 509.16 pounds, none of which is from muscule, he is literily 99.6% body fat.
And he is wearing a skin colored banana hommock.
Your welcome.
All of a sudden, Mr Rocket Nuts deceided its time to go to the park. And so he did, and he brought his pet Klondike Bar too.
As Mr Rocket Nuts was power walking through the park, golden hips swinging side to side with each glorious stride, he came upon a patch of mushrooms. Now, it just so happened that Mr Rocket Nuts loved eating loose, wild mushrooms in the park, so thats just what he did. He ate them. All of them.
Suddenly, the pupils in Mr Rocket Nuts eye's grew to the size of very large pupils, the entire world seemed to slow down and start melting and changing colors, and, what was this? A bunch of little elves just started singing "The Wind Crys Mary" And are doing the robot on a floor of joy.
But in reality, Mr Rocket Nuts is passed out in the mud, twitching and voiding his bowels while contracting Hepititus C from a from a rusty nail he fell on that is currently sticking out of his head.
After coming to sevearl days later, Mr Rocket Nuts decides its time to attack North Korea!
So he does.
And soon after the initial attack, North Korea surrenders to Mr Rocket Nuts, and his vast army of two dozen Nutlings. (A Nutling is a small creature that resembles a peanut, but it has a long tenticle coming out from the back, and one eye. it's also sexy.)
Soon after the surrender, Mr Rocket Nuts is declared Uiltimate King Man of Superior Endowment, gets his own seat at the U.N and renames North Korea "Opressively Ruled Region of Glory."
The name quickly catches on.
Soon however, factions form inside the ORRG that wish to over through there glourious new leader, so Mr Rocket Nuts does the only truley sensible thing. He starts dividing the people by class AND race, not just one, and starts "Happy Fun Retreats for Those who Like to Cause, or Are Precived to Have Caused Trouble!"
The Retreats worked great at keeping people in line, however, the bodys of those who did not have enough willpower to learn how to behave, start to pile up. And pretty soon, hateful words like, "Dictator" and "Evil Leader" and "Genocide Camps" Start getting thrown around. This worrys Mr Rocket Nuts as he thinks it negitively impacted the reception of his new country slogan "We Totaly Don't Have Torture Camps Man, Come On!"
And after only thirteen short years of helping the ORRG in so many ways, such as; Removing millions of undesirables, reliving the people from the burden of choice in politics, making everyone equal and throwing a yearly potluck dinner. The USA decides that it's THERE place to come in and forceably remove Mr Rocket Nuts as glorious leader of the ORRG with a full on invasion. And all because they over reacted to a little bombing run of many of there coastline cities.
But, as the USA troops move in, with help from the ungratful locals. Mr Rocket Nuts decides its time to leave, and with that, he leaves. But not before releasing the hundreds of Anthrax Pathogen Containers he had hidden around the country.
The aftermath of the anthrax release was reportedly "The single most devistating event in history. Killing over 200 million people across two continents."
Mr Rocket Nuts didn't hear this as he was far to busy learning to use his new Veg-o-matic he just purchased from a hermit in exchange for a deer's pelvis.
No qustions where asked.

Part Twelve: Your Nuts Are Showing.

It was almost wake up time for Mr Rocket Nuts, his third favorite time of the day, right behind "Taco Time" and "Happy-Clap Time".
"Ring! Ring!" screamed Nuts Lad, (it was his job to be Mr Rocket Nuts alarm clock on alternating fridays and christmas.) Mr Rocket Nuts leaped up from bed and immediately slipped on a toad, this killed the toad of course, but he's in a better place now, well not really, you see, this particular toad was leader of the El Toadios, a drug, gun, human and illegal lima bean trafficking gang.
As leader Toaderson (The toad in question) had done more drugs than any other being in exsitance, he had over seen litterly hundreds of exicutions. Toaderson wouldn't sell someone guns unless they pinky promised to use them to kill as many people as they possibley could.
He would hang around elementry schools, trying to get the children to buy drugs, which he marketed as "Crazy Fun Candy That You Put Up Your Nose." and "Super Awesome Needle You Stick In Your Arm To Have Fun And The Good Times." and "Meth."
Toaderson would break into retirement homes, just to wax the floors and not tell anybody , so that all the old people would fall.
He was a bad toad.
And he is in Hell now, burning for his vast amount of putrid sins.
Now, back to Mr Rogers.
Mr Rocket Nuts was in intense pain as his face was the only part of his body that had actually hit the floor. There was blood everywhere.
After two hours of laying in a puddle of his own face blood, Nuts lad said "Ya' K?"
Mr Rocket Nuts didn't move.
Nuts Lad ran to the defibulater station and pulled the defibulater from the small hexagonal box it lived in. He began walking back, this startled him, Almost every time he retrived the defib unit a chipmonk would fly through the window and bite him right on his eyeball. This did not happen this time though, this freaked Nuts Lad out so much that he pooted for nine stright minutes.
Mr Rocket Nuts was still laying down in a now slightly larger puddle of blood.
Across town, a bear is trying to get his small law firm off the ground.
Nuts Lad has now decided to sit down and cry about it. Mr Rocket Nuts still hasn't moved, or danced.
When suddenly, the genie ghost of Adolf Hitler's son Rudy appears in the room with the two nuts. Rudy looks around the room with a blank face, he sees one guy sitting in a corner crying and farting and another dude face down in a now even larger puddle of what appears to be his own blood. He continues to scan the room until he sees what he came for, a laminated giraffe turd from famed chinese laminater Waka Waka Woo.
Rudy smiles so big that the edges of his mouth touch at the top of his head, this of course killed him, his body fell to the floor super dead while his soul went to the sixth circle of Hell, thats the one where you are waiting for the dentist to call you in while you can hear blood curling screams coming from the operating room, you are also on fire.
The sound of dead nazi genie hitting the floor awoked Mr Rocket Nuts from his nap of pain, he flipped his head up so fast that he broke his spine, just broke it clean in half right below the base of his neck, now, this would have killed a lesser man but Mr Rocket Nuts is a not a lesser man, so he was fine.
Mr Rocket Nuts saw the dead genie's body and quickly jumped to his feat, he couldn't see very well, as he could not move his head because he just broke his spine and all...remember.
But this small hinderence could not hinder him, he had to drink that genie's blood in order to become a genie himself!
This of course was a ludacris endevour, as the only way to become a genie is to wish to become a genie, and only a leprechaun wish will do.
But Mr Rocket Nuts was determined to drink that blood. And he did, all of it, and the only thing he got out of it was Super AIDs, it's like normal AIDs but your whole body turns a dark red and everywhere you go theres a faint whisper saying "AIDS, AIDS, aids, ai..." you get the picture.
But Mr Rocket Nuts beat Super AIDs by eating nothing but Beanie Weanies and children for six months.
Nuts Lad is still sitting in that corner crying and farting.