Two Years to Die

Bright, white lights swirled around me.
I was aware of only those and the feeling of someone’s hand on my shoulder, guiding me forward.
I heard my name being called from somewhere, but where exactly that was I couldn’t say. I could barely tell which way was up, let alone where my name was being called from.
Through blurry veils around my eyes I noticed a navy color seep into my sight from the bottom. I felt my neck bend, and more of the blue came into my line of vision. I noticed a familiar set of black shoes, brushing the floor as I stumbled forward.
The hand on my shoulder tightened its grip, and I looked around wildly in a sore attempt to see to whom it belonged.
But suddenly I was forced downward, most likely by whomever guided me here – wherever that was. My back was suddenly against something hard; my legs sprawled around me, rubbing against the soft navy color.
With the world still spinning around me, I looked around, searching for my guide and finding no one. When I could no longer feel my guide’s touch, panic seized my body and suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. My chest ached, about to burst, and a cry of fear arose from the back of my throat. Blood pounded in my head and my heartbeat sounded loud and intimidating in my ears. As I sat alone and scared, a lone thought pushed itself into my confused head, stealing my attention from everything else.
Am I going to die?
At that point, I wasn’t even sure of anything anymore. I wanted to say I didn’t want to die, but it was hard. I couldn’t imagine myself alive anymore, nor could I imagine myself dead.
Have you ever had that feeling when you’re just not sure what it is you’re after?
I thought I knew what it was once. But I don’t remember anymore, what exactly I wanted. All I could really gather was that whatever I did to try and get to it, well it landed me here.
Where, I couldn’t even tell you.
All I saw were those swirling bright lights and the navy carpet. My shoes stared back at me from in front, and there was no longer anyone guiding me.
As if they’d be any help now. As far as I was concerned, I was on my own now. My life fell apart, and I needed to fix it – no one could ever help me.
But even so, I still wanted someone to try to help me.