Preacher's Object Lesson

Preacher’s Object Lesson

It was a steamy, muggy, Sunday morning with not even a trace of a breeze moving in through the open windows. Air conditioning in the little old clapboard church consisted of an ancient ceiling fan that wheezed as it tried to pull its blade around in slow motion, and folks waving cardboard hand fans imprinted with ads for the local mortuary.

The Glory Girls Gospel Quartet had just finished singing and remained on the platform as Pastor Berner moved to the pulpit. Mopping his sweat-beaded brow with a handkerchief the size of a table cloth, the portly preacher launched into his sermon.

Just about the time he’d finished the first point of his four point homily a fly began flitting around his head. Each time the little buzzer got within reach pastor took a swat at it, with no effect. The fly sure seemed to be enjoying the little game of taunt and tease. Pastor didn’t. Each swat and lunge became more violent.

Finally, his frustration fully focused on the fly, he let go with a mighty swipe of his meaty fist. The hand inadvertently hit the little wicker basket on the pulpit that held the object lessons for his sermon.

The text for the morning message was the passage about having enough faith to be able to pick up serpents without being harmed.

The basket hit the floor and two snakes crawled out, cuing three of the Glory Girls to scream in harmony, while the fourth promptly fainted.

Pastor managed to grab one little bitty harmless garter snake, but the other headed for the first pew and Grandma Gallagher.

The elderly woman, hard of hearing but still keen of eyesight, did a stomp dance on the hapless serpent that had the congregation clapping and shouting rousing choruses of amens and hallelujahs.

Uncle Lucas leaned over to Floyd and observed that if Grandma Gallagher had been Adam’s woman in the Garden of Eden, the whole course of human events might have been very much different.