Jessica'a Story - Lesson 4

Jess thought back to the big row between her and Andy a few days ago and replayed the scene in her head. As usual, it started with how she disciplined the children. Andy arrived home from work, hot and tired. Greeted by one of Chloe’s screaming tantrums, he surprised Jess in the midst of a spanking. Shouting to her to stop beating Chloe, he grabbed her arm in midair. He caught her off balance, and she fell against the corner of a nightstand and banged against the wall as she slid down to the floor. The nightstand created a huge bruise on her hip and she twisted her ankle, only realizing these injuries much later. He continued railing at her as she sat there dumbfounded and numb from the pain.

Shocked at Andy’s action and shaking like a wobbly fan, Jess looked at him with disbelief and waited for an apology…but none came. He paid her no mind at all and rushed to shower Chloe with hugs and kisses as though she was the injured one. Watching them and wondering what she did wrong, Jess managed to get to her feet, hobbled out and locked herself in the bathroom. All she could think was how Andy did not even ask her what happened, just yanked her away, taking Chloe’s side. She hunched down against the wall beside the tub, pulled her knees up to her chest, and let the tears flow. All her grievances against Andy’s mom clicked through her brain like slides, adding to her newfound animosity towards Andy.

She hugged her arms around herself, feeling unloved and alone, the same way she felt all through the years of her childhood. Spanked by her dad for every minor insurrection, she sought comfort by hiding in her mom’s closet amongst the familiar smell of Chantilly cologne in the fabric of the hanging clothes. Actual physical comfort from her mom came only when her dad was out of the house. He was a jealous man, jealous even of the measly attention dealt to her by her mom. With no brothers or sisters and a mother who never stood up for her, Jessica felt isolated from the outside world. Jessica developed an adeptness at hiding her emotions.

When Andy first showed his interest in her in high school, her self-preservation defenses vanished at the thought of being loved, loved without conditions, loved just because she was Jessica. She saw Andy as her savior, removing her from an alienated home life. When she discovered her pregnancy, even though her dad raised the roof, for Jessica, it sealed the deal.

Married to Andy, she envisioned a loving home of her own, with perfect children and a perfect husband, but reality proved different. Her imperfect children had minds of their own and, other than spanking, Jessica knew no way to make them do as she wanted.

Now, she felt like a caged bird. Betty, with her pushy, domineering personality overwhelmed her, and Andy’s opposition towards her was the last straw. She began to formulate a plan of escape.

Thirty minutes and many tears later, Andy knocked at the door, saying he was sorry and asking if she was okay. But it was thirty minutes too late.