Only One Awake

So, how should I start off this tale of loneliness?
Another little poem that, by now, is just redundant
But, my head, it is a mess, so bear with me, I digress
I have to fill this paper, have to dispose of my distress

I’m far from a social butterfly, an unhappy hermit-crab
My only sanctuary is being buried in the sand
And in the salty water, things are quiet, much more drab
For, in the sun, I falter with those people on the land

This is my strange way of venting hatred of that party
That particular party, and any others yet to come
Wounds once closed reopened.. bloody, deep, and smarting
Once again, in the end, I’m still alone, struck dumb

I tried so hard to forget, I was warring with the past
But for me, victory, it never fucking lasts
In one fell swoop, it clattered, shattered pretty fucking fast
And the truth that was once hidden, violently unmasked

Cuz at the end of the night, I will always be alone
How futile is this fight when losing’s in my bones?
At the end of the night, she was asleep with him
At the end of the night, I will never fucking win

And where was I, you ask, while everyone reveled?
I was back underwater, in the car that made my shell
Wrapped in the cold darkness that became my little Hell
Thinking of another fight that didn’t go too well…

She was right inside, probably sleeping in his arms
While she was miles away, dreaming of something warm
Another man’s embrace, for sure, and certainly not mine
It’s so fucking unfair, how she’s still stuck in my mind

These thoughts, they shake me worse than being pulled over ever did
Or getting lost in the fog, the fog where demons hid
Cuz all I can do is ache, ache and yearn and pine
I’m still underwater, the beach goers left me behind

I’ve got so much I wanna say, but can only dream to scream
So I’ll just sit and wait, watching floodlights gleam
And mist conceals the ghosts as they drift around my home
I’ll sit here burning, freezing, thinking, drinking all alone

The world is such a better place
When I’m the only one awake…