My hot wife got stolen by a dragon so I had to get her back. |
My wife was looking so hot that night When all of a sudden she was kidnapped by a dragon I was really upset by this Because I was looking forward to some hardcore, rugged, wild, glorious, chess later So much for taco night, I begrudgingly sighed but anxiously began my quest to bring her back because my dearest Gladys is simply too hot to leave in the hands of a stinking dragon With sword shimmering under the moonlight in one hand And a mound of moist cake in the other (that my dearest Gladys crafted by her own hands) I set off from my door in pursuit of the beast bearing north to the mountainous coast of Skyrim Fully aware that I would not be well enough equipped to face the dragon on my own I sought the aid of my most trusted home-dawg Hiccup Horrendus Haddock III For he had experience with the creatures whereas I was a virgin in the matter Most distraught he was, when he dubiously repeated the grim statement that my hot wife was gone I told him to watch it 'Twas day five of travel and we were most fatigued and disheartened because the cake supply was running low but we carried on Then something truly incredible occurred when I had almost given in to the snow and pines I heard a voice; a most recognizable voice a wonderful voice My jaw dropped and I nearly wept when I saw none other than Christian Bale Enter our encampment He became my best friend immediately (though not at his behest) for I was such a huge fan Hiccup was a little jealous but he can get over it Because he's a cartoon This magnificent Brit was also well versed in dragon ways And he said he was searching for a beast that had passed by I told him it had my hot wife And the most courteous chap immediately volunteered to join us How kind of him When finally we came before the dragon's lair I almost feinted because Liam Neeson was there also hunting the dragon (Now all I need is Val Kilmer and Rick Moranis And maybe Bill Murray And I will have the most rugged house party ever But first we need Gladys so she can make cake) For now, though, I make good with Hiccup, Christian, and Liam, and together we entered the dragon's keep I with my steel sword, Hiccup a knife Liam a long bow, And Christian an M249 SAW Just kidding, it was only an M4 Just kidding, it was actually a claymore My ragged brown cape billowing in the wind was an epic sight But nothing could have prepared me for the epicness of the dragon Standing it was upon a ledge of a ruined castle Geysers from rifts below caused water to condense on my face Making me look manly It was there I saw my dearest Gladys conked-out in the clawed clutches of the creature She's really hot when she's sleeping At the urging of my companions we charged the monster Yelling out more epicly than William Wallace at Stirling Bridge Despite the monster's advantage as a level 300 We bravely teamed him But before we smote his ruin upon the mountainside The dragon relinquished, and said he only kidnapped my hot wife for her cake But shortly thereafter discovered That the cake was a lie And so we made peace I held my hot wife close and she kept going on about how brave and manly I was and that we were going to have hardcore, rugged chess matches later As we and the rest of our crew rode upon the back of the dragon and returned home Christian and Liam hit up their famous friends and we had the best house party ever Even Norman Rockwell came And he painted a portrait of me and Hiccup facing the beast as it held Gladys Christian and Liam are paintbrush shy so they weren't in it When it was all done, my dearest Gladys made tacos and cake just for the two of us And finally I got that hardcore, rugged, wild, glorious chess The End Randomic pentameter 103 Lines What |