Win for the underdogs

As I sat across the table from him my hands twitched nervously. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he thought I was lying. I wasn’t. It was this darn fidgeting! My thoughts ran a gauntlet through my head that even I couldn’t keep up with.

‘I hear you’re thinking of leaving us, Emma?’

I was! I was! I was! I felt my left eye twitch, cleared my throat and attempted to form a logical sentence.

‘Ergh ….Um…. No’

There. Well, I was never good at on the spot thinking.

He looked over his spectacles at me, not a word being uttered from his anal-retentive lips. He sat there for a few minutes – mind screwing me like always. Oh well. I took that few minutes to reflect on my situation.

My name is Emma Baker and I hate my job. Don’t we all? You may ask. Well, no, it never used to be this way. I work at a real estate; it used to be a friendly, caring environment. Then – We met Rob. He was transferred in from another state and it’s been hell under fluorescent lighting ever since.

You see, Rob came in like a bull at a gate, making changes and basically carrying on like a right twat. He turned co-worker against co-worker, staging meetings and spreading lies. He was the devil in high pants.

The sales strategies that he’d implemented had turned staff members into under-handed assholes quite basically; and me? Well. I was his assistant; The all access pass to Satan himself. – Believe me; I felt it. I heard every nasty story; fielded every complaint; delivered every coff-

I heard him clear his throat; and returned from my memories. He had sat back in his chair, fingers steepled beneath his chin, the copious amounts of aftershave that he had applied this morning made my eyes water.

Fantastic!

Now the self-important asshole would think I was being emotional. I looked him in the eye and blinked a few times.

‘Um… Yes?’

He leaned forward, I could see a tuft of his chest hair peeking through his ‘I’m a modern metro-sexual man’ salmon coloured shirt.

‘I believe you have something to tell me’

Here it was; the moment. I collected myself, glanced at the ceiling then dead-panned him in the eye.

Ahem.

‘As of this moment Rob, you are fired.’

Beat.

‘I beg your pardon?’ He guffawed (Can you believe it!? The fa!-) Guffawed, yes ‘You think you can fire me?’

I leant forward in my chair, dropped a piece of paper on his desk and tapped the signature at the bottom with my newly manicured french tip.

‘You see that signature down the bottom there?’ I asked, ‘The one right next to business owner?’

I watched with amusement as he went the colour of a beetroot.

‘Well as of this morning, I am the owner of this establishment and as of,’ I checked my watch, ‘Nine minutes past nine YOU Sir are no longer employed here’

He gurgled, I worried for a moment he was going to have heart failure. Only a moment though.

‘Yo-you bitch!’ He screamed. ‘You lied to me!’ I watched with interest as a glob of saliva sprayed through the air.

I smiled at him, all my teeth showing before I ran my hand through my hair, ruffling up my fringe.

‘No, Rob. I never lied to you, I too am leaving.’

I let that sink in for a moment, allowing some sincerity to colour my eyes with its placid hue.

‘I am off to the Bahamas, for a lovely Rob free break before I return to assist the manager of my choosing’

His mouth dropped open, preparing for the assault. I stopped him with one finger held in the air.

‘Uh uh Rob, no more. Get your stuff and leave, I’ll send security in to assist you’

With that, I walked from the room on my beautiful new shoes, to my splendid new life, paid for with my sensational winning lottery ticket.