They're There

Steven turned to Jack, it was now or never. “You ready?” he asked.

“Of course, I’m always ready,” replied Steven before taking a long drag from his cigarette. “You just better hope your plan pulls through.” He paused a second, and glanced behind him. “Oh, and that little Jim doesn’t fuck his part up either.”

“Hey!” Exclaimed Jim in protest. “You can count on me, I know what has to be done. Let’s just get this over with.”

The three friends agreed, and nodded in unison as they walked into the bank. So far so good. No one even seemed to suspect anything, then again what was there to suspect from three white guys in jeans and t-shirts. It was clear they didn’t have any guns or weapons. They weren’t wearing masks. They just looked like three regular guys walking into a bank. They waited in line, and they made it up to the counter, this was where their entire plan would come together.

“Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there…with the silent alarm shut off. Now give me all your money.” said Steven as quickly as he could. Then, like magic, his claims agent appeared. His name was Bill, but that didn’t matter, in fact he didn’t matter at all. What did matter was the power of the jingle.

Next came Jack’s part. “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there…with an AK 47!” and lo and behold, he magically had an AK 47 in his hands. He shot off a few rounds into the ceiling, and shouted, “Everyone on the ground! This is a robbery! Everybody be fuckin’ cool and no one will get hurt.” Like sheep, the people slowly lied down, and tried to keep themselves safe.

Little Jim had run behind the counter, and to the bank safe. “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there…with the vault combination!” and magically, like everything else, a paper appeared in his hand with the combination on it. So, he headed to work opening the safe.

By the time Steven had gotten behind the counter to join little Jim, the vault was already open. Little Jim was getting ready to get the money all together, and Steven joined him. Then they heard sirens screaming outside. Somehow the police had shown up anyway. Steven suspected that it was Jack’s loud machine gun that alerted them.

“Shitty shit shit!” yelled Jack from out front. “It’s those fagots, the fucking fuzz!”

“Of course it is!” Steven yelled back. “You were shooting an unsilenced machine gun!”

Jack mumbled something unintelligible to himself, and fired a few rounds out of the front windows as a warning to the police, then ran back to meet up with his friends.

They scrambled to get all the money together, and then little Jim got an idea. “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there…with all the bank money in bags, in a getaway car, in a parking lot, in Ohio!” Then, with a poof they were gone, with all the money. In a new car, they were sitting in a near empty parking lot, Jack at the wheel.

“Fuckity fuck fuck, It worked! I didn’t know you could teleport with State Farm!” yelled Jack happily.

They all started high fiving each other, and were simply ecstatic. Everything was going awesome. They never thought it would go this well. Then all of a sudden, everything changed. They were not in the car anymore. There was laughing all around them. They were in jail, in blue prison uniforms. They were astonished, and little Jim said, “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there…out of prison!” Except nothing happened. Confused, they all looked at each other.

Then they saw him, with the police was Bill, their State Farm agent. He explained, “I’m sorry, your State Farm service has been cancelled.”