Tranquilizer Part 3

3


Diana lived with her Grandma after that miserable gift of death for her mother. She had stopped going to school and had been an anti-social. She hate seeing any man or any trace of them—boys, adolescent men, old men— they were her archrivals. She had been a feminist; but only on her own. She had her way to extreme hatred and revolt.


She had her way to sadness—through tears and darkness—she had spared her life in anonymity, she had known herself more, she had built courage, she had had anger, she had lost faith in God—she had been fearless.


But when her Grandma died due to cardiac arrest—which none had known except her, all things had gone out. None had known that Mrs. Harrington had died, and none had known that she had arrhythmias—Grandma had been suffering from this heart abnormality for ten years.


She had no money to send her grandmother to a funeral parlor, or to give her a beautiful and fitting final resting place for a person who has caressed her even though she has not paid her anything good—she always bring her problems and disappointment.


Thereafter, she realized that she has been fortunate—that her Grandma has given her a good life after that tragedy—a life that she has not been thankful of, a self-centered life that she herself, has not seen any light—but that life that was given to her was full of patience and love, of concern and understanding, and of tears and sadness.


She had the dilemma that she had not even made her Grandma be happy even for a moment. And there her eyes opened again. She cannot bring back the past.


She remembered “Regret”, a poem by Robert William Service:

It's not for laws I've broken
That bitter tears I've wept,
But solemn vows I've spoken
And promises unkept;
It's not for sins committed
My heart is full of rue,
but gentle acts omitted,
Kind deeds I did not do.

I have outlived the blindness,
The selfishness of youth;
The canker of unkindness,
The cruelty of truth;
The searing hurt of rudeness . . .
By mercies great and small,
I've come to reckon goodness
The greatest gift of all.

Let us be helpful ever
to those who are in need,
And each new day endeavour
To do some gentle deed;
For faults beyond our grieving,
What kindliness atone;
On earth by love achieving
A Heaven of our own.


The tears of regrets, of thankfulness, of love, and of respect started to flow from her brown eyes. She started blaming herself because she had gifted her Grandma a blind and senseless life; but, anger and revenge still lurks by her side.


Yes, she had the sorrow for her Grandma; but her hatred for men still reigned.
After an hour, she decided by herself that she must bury now her grandmother, and so she did.


She pushed the wheel chair of her Grandma to their backyard full of trees and flowers which her Grandma had grown for years. She dug the moist soil for hours, and when it was deep enough, she put her grandmother on the 4-feet excavation and buried her there. Afterwards, she left and went to where her feet bring her.


She had gone to many strange and unfamiliar places. She had been to everywhere. And afterwards, she had had a work in one of the cities she had traveled; she had become a maid of a rich family living in an extravagant two-storey house near the frozen lake.
She lived there with the Jenkins: Nathalie, the mother; James, the husband; and Carl, their only son.


Her employers trusted her and loved her. And she too, admits that the Jenkins had been her family for years. But, that relationship especially with Carl has changed.


It was spring. The family has decided to have a vacation on their family country house in the other state; but Carl decided to not join them because he had some tasks and works to finish. Diana too did not join them because it was the Jenkins family vacation, and it was only exclusive for them.


She was inside her bedroom. She was changing her clothes and suddenly someone has entered her dark room. She forgot to lock the door. Her heart started to beat.


“What shall I do? she asked herself.


To be continued...