Saint Victoria Jackson

          Beloved SNL comedian Victoria Jackson sat quietly reading the Bible.
    "Oh. I just don't know why life can't be like the Bible." she muttered.
    A wind blew threw her reading room. "Do you believe in me?" said a voice.
    "Hey! Ah? Whose in my reading room?" Victoria said and searched her room.
    "I Am!" the voice thundered. "Oh, Jesus!" Victoria responded and fell on her
    knees clutching her Bible. "Listen to the Word! In the tradition of the ancient
    purification rites of concubines I order you to President Barack Husein Obama's
    bed. He is in need of refreshment." the voice commanded. Victoria tilted her
    head and scratched it, "Refreshment?"

            "Search the scriptures and you will see!

                                  Ester 2:12-14

                                  I Kings 11:1-3

                                  Judges 8:28-32"

    "Victoria Jackson is not a concubine." the wayward Saturday Night Comedian
    replied with a stiff upper lip. The room shook with thunder and lightning.
    "Oh, boy! Okay-okay I'm calling the White House!" she pleaded with the
    unnamed force,  "Ah-hello, this is Victoria Jackson. I would like to visit with
    the President... Oh? Ah-he's in Brazil? When will he be back? Beginning of
    April? Can I scedule a meeting then? No. Okay...when's a good time?
    November? Well... it's really impotent-ah-important I see him sooner.
    Un-huh.. right in November. Thanks." Victoria fumble with her cell phone.
    She looked nervously around the room. "November?" the voice trailed off.
    "Perhaps, I will be better served with Wynonna Rider?" the voice grew stronger.
    "Perhaps." Victoria smiled with blank blue eyes.

                "And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten;
                for he had many wives. And his concubine, she also bare him
                a son."

    "I don't think I can have sex with the President. Ah-if that's what your getting at?"
    Victoria said staring at the ceiling. "Why dost thou question me? I who had
    created thee?" the voice thundered. "Okay! I'm sorry. Jeeze." Victoria shrugged.
    "For your doubt I shall make you a concubine for Charlie Sheen!" the voice
    continued. "Oh-poopy." Victoria heard a shout in the corner of her room.
    "WINNING!" Charlie Sheen pounced on her stripping her in seconds.
    "Thanks God!" the ravaged Victoria cursed.

                "Why dost thou call me God? I am not. I am only a lowly sales
                clerk at Radio Shack and you have been punked! WINNING!"
                the voice laughed.

    + ^
    *V*