Stabbed in the Back Again

Stabbed in the Back Again

Why have I tried to do good
When those I love pick me apart
With memories they think true
Told to a stranger who puts the cart
Before the horse

Why do the men and women who talk
Accept as fact one recollection about me
In their ignorance do they knowingly mock
Me with their lack of investigative technique
They jump the gun

"Stop right there, That is severe child abuse"
What do they call it when they condemn
The life I gave to my child, but I've been of no use
What is wrong with this world when
Some guy with letters trailing his name
Can lay me to blame with only one
Memory from a sick girl with five claimed
Mental illnesses

During those long drives to doctors for help
My girl told me a thousand times that she
Couldn't remember anything before the hell
Of her disease's decent, all the times when we
Had so much fun

And where was her father, out working he says
That's our standard lie to keep the family
From the exploding truth within our heads
With dread, I keep the peace, I bury
My feelings for others' sake

And no one asked me to leave open my back
But I felt it was the only way to protect
My girl's heart from the continual attack
Of constant disappointment-if she only knew his jealousy checked
Just barely under control

I hope my girl can improve her world
Her chance at life by nuturing a bond
With her dad--I would be pleased if my girl
could curl up to her dad and just be fond
and relaxed, feeling warmth and protection

But I don't know if her father
Has that love to give
I certainly never felt it, saw it
The decades that I lived
Beneath his stiffling hand

The truth was not, has not and
May never be told
The damage I let him do to my soul
Making the same bad decisions unfold
And Damn
I am stabbed in the back again