Teaching Respect

         I can’t say that I didn’t enjoy it. I mean it was very messy, and God knows that I’ll never get the blood out of that shirt. But seeing the fear in his eyes as I calmly explained what was about to happen to him was exhilarating. The only thing I can compare the feeling to is that moment when you come, and you feel that you have lost all self control. I hope that I never have to have this feeling again, but I’ll always enjoy the memory.

         I am a reasonable person. I don’t mind paying taxes, I don’t litter, and I drive a hybrid. I like to think that I’m a model citizen for the most part. But I have little tolerance for people that don’t respect me or my family. I don’t feel that a little respect is too much to ask for. Don’t lie to me, don’t steal from me, and don’t harm my loved ones. If you can avoid doing these things, then we can be friends. But if you find the need to do some of these things, well, lets just say that I’m not very forgiving.

         Just yesterday I walked into my home, and much to my dismay, I find a man raping my wife. Now this is clearly in breach of the laws that I expect the world to abide by. I can honestly say that it turned me on a little when I looked into my wife’s eyes and saw the fear turn into relief. The rapist quickly removed himself from my wife and advanced towards me. As he approached I felt obliged to punch him directly in his throat as hard as I could. This brought him to the floor very abruptly. As he was laying on the floor trying to breathe, I kicked him in the side of his head, rendering him unconscious.
         
          I looked to my wife and she assured me that she was okay. She then instructed me to take care of the man on the floor. I walked across the room and got the duct tape out of the kitchen cabinet. I rolled up a dirty sock and placed it in the man’s mouth. I then placed a strip of tape over his mouth to keep the sock in place. After that, I secured his hands and feet and carried him down into the basement.
         
         I unfolded a table that we usually use when we have company. I sat the man on to the table flat on his back. I tied each wrist and ankle to the legs of the table. The man started to regain consciousness and started to jerk in every direction. I kindly asked the gentleman to calm down and assured him that it was all about to be worked out. That seemed to offer little comfort, so I had to resort to taping his torso to the table. I know what you’re thinking, it’s not very humane to use duct tape on a person, but what was I supposed to do? I had asked him to calm down. I leaned over the man and recited a well rehearsed speech.
         
         “ I’m a reasonable person, I really am. I understand that through a series of unfortunate circumstances you have found yourself here. For this I am truly sorry. I’m not sure who you are. I have not had much time to get to know you, but what I do know about you I’m not really too impressed with. So due to your behavior, I believe that I must help you to understand that you hurt some peoples feelings today. So here is what is about to take place. I am not going to kill you. Well not immediately anyway. I’m going to slowly and carefully remove your skin. I’ll do my best to keep it intact so that you can see it. Then I’m going to take off your fingers and toes one by one. I have found that pruning shears seem to work really well for this. After that is done, I’ll go ahead and remove your penis and testicles. You should be in a fair amount of pain at this point, so you probably won’t even notice. I will be removing your penis and testicles with a pair of scissors that I got on sale at Target. You can get some really great deals there! You will probably bleed out shortly after I use my scissors. At any rate, it has been nice getting to chat with you. I really wish that we could’ve met under better circumstances.”
         
         I then began and finished what I had told had the man I was going to do. This world is really starting to become a scary place. There seems to be a lot of crazies out there.