Return of a soldier pt 3

“I’m divorced, finishing the ARMY in a matter of months, I already have a job offer in Jersey as a trooper, I can do what I always wanted, and I can still go back to school at any time. I’m sick and tired of the bullshit Damita. I can’t stand another day of it. You were the most honest and real love I ever had. Please don’t tell me I can’t have a chance at it again.”
​I cross him by the couch and make my way to where my desk is. Beside it is an old wooden bookcase. I’ve had it for over ten years, always stocked it with my favorite novels. On the third shelf was a small purple notebook with copper spiral binding. I pulled open the cover and pulled out a letter from 2008 when he’d first left to go to basic training in the ARMY. I turn to him.
“Do you know what this is? This is a letter from you way back when you was in basic training. I’ve had it this long because I remember how long I waited for a letter and how disappointed I was with this piece of shit arrived for me!” I throw the letter at his feet. And then I begin to flip through the papers. It’s the diary I began the day he left. I used to count the days that he was gone. It was almost 4 weeks before I got a letter from him. Mostly I remember that Querida got a personal call and letter the week before.
“I waited 4 weeks to get a letter I thought would be heartwarming, happy, at least a little something about how you miss me. You know what I got? One page of you talking ‘bout how happy you are that I’m there to take care of Alli and of how you know that you’ve done a lot of things to me. No I love you, no I miss you. This shit is bullshit Alex. And now you come in here and expect me to what, fall for the same old shit!”
​The alcohol was really going crazy in my body. The colors were beginning to blur around me. His face is red again, he’s practically shaking. I step back, place my hands on the desk behind me.
“This is different, Princess”… He steps towards me, “I don’t know how, or why, but right now I’m here and I need you. I need you to be with me, to help me, to make me feel how I used to, back when things were simple and we were back on the block.”
“Alex… This isn’t 2003 and we’re not thirteen anymore. I mean it’s been two years since we’ve even seen each other. Why should I believe you now after all the bullshit you’ve spit all these years? What’s different now? What about Manuela and Luisa, remember her, your wife!”
“I divorced her! And how long do I have to be punished for Manuela. I was young and stupid and”
“And pussy whipped, and an ass! How the fuck, what the fuck am I supposed to do about this!”
“Just say yes, and we can just leave all this bullshit behind us! We can just start over,” he crossed the room and came towards me in a whirlwind. I gripped my hands into the desk behind me. “Princess, please. Just say yes."
My breathing is heavy; brain is running fast, racing.
“Yes to what, marriage, kids. When? In 5 years? And what if you change your mind before we get married, how am I supposed to believe you.” I take a huge gulp of my drink, it’s finished. I walk by him, he’s watching me, stalking me as I make my way into the kitchen. On the way grab his glass, refill his and mine. He wants to marry me, to settle down with me. Or so he says. I don’t know if I can believe him.
“So…” I start to bate him. Take a sip of my drink. “You want to marry me?” I hand him his refill.
“Yes, Damita I’m serious,” he grabbed the drink from me, tossed back almost half of it.
“I want a ring, you want to marry me, prove it, and propose. And not with no bullshit ring, I saw the one you gave Luisa, I want a real ring!”
​His eyes are dark, he’s red again.
“If all you need for me to do to prove that I love you that I need you, is a ring, I’ll go and get you one right now.”
​He drank down the rest of his drink. I can’t even look at him.
“I’ll prove to you that I’m in love with you,” then he kissed me on the cheek, lingered for just a moment and then walked out of my door. I can’t move. My hands are shaking.
​I reach for my cellphone, calling Alli frantically. She doesn’t pick up after the first call. I tried again. She didn’t answer once more. I throw my phone down onto the couch. It’s fucking useless. I throw back half of my drink and walk over to my entertainment center. My iPod is already on the stand, I turn to my favorite hardcore mix of rock, rap, and punk music. Once I find a song I like, an old pop song, “Addicted,” by Kelly Clarkson, I make my way back over to my couch. I feel vibrating, my cellphone’s going off, it’s Alli.
“Mimi, what’s wrong, you called me five times?!” She asked when I answered the phone.
“You know exactly what’s wrong. You couldn’t have told me your brother was on his way to my house! He just showed up on my doorstep talking about marriage and kids and the ARMY, Alli what the fuck!”
“Wait, marriage, what?! He said he just had some stuff to get off of his chest and apologize, he didn’t tell me he was going to propose. Where is he now?”
“He left, I told him that if he was really serious about marrying me then where is my ring, so he went to get me one.”
“A ring?!”
“Yea, a good one. And now I’m just sitting here finishing my drink and waiting. I’m flipping out Alli. What am I supposed to do? If he comes back here with a ring, I just.”
“Are you going to marry him?”
​I’m not sure, what to say to her, I mean could I actually marry him?
“I don’t know Alli, I can’t even believe any of this is happening.” I finish my drink, lay down across my couch. "I don't know if I can forgive him, if I can believe him. You know how hard i worked to be with him, and he left me, and now he wants me back."
"Do you love him?" she asked seriously.
"Yes, when i saw him in my doorway, I felt... I don't know what it was, but I feel it whenever I see him. I feel like I'm 13 again, it's crazy!"
"I would tell you to look into your heart, but that will just confuse you. I don't know what to tell you Mimi, it's your decision, solely yours. I can't tell you to stay with Santiago or to go with Alejandro."
"Can't you call him, just to see if he's really serious about this proposal, he won't lie to you"
"I don't know Mimi he'll probably figure out that I'm callin for you."
"I don't care, just find out somethin. And make sure he don't buy a ugly ring"
"Ok I'll call you back."
I hung up the phone and stood to change the song on my iPod, I really don't feel like listening to Amy Winehouse "Back to Black," it's depressing. I turn instead to Alexz Johnson, "Temporary Insanity," gives a better setting for my mood. My drunk is no where near wearing off, but the want for more intoxication is drawling me near. Not for a drink tho, I already feel nauseous. I stumble into my bedroom and reach into my nightstand. Inside is a purple box about 10" wide and 6" long. It's where i keep my flavored dutches and illegal herbs. I spread out a hefty amount onto my nightstand and roll a nice fat Dutch out of the more than a half an ounce that I have in the box.
Before sparking it, I change out if the tight black dress I'm wearing and kick off my pink peep-toe pumps, opting instead for one of my comfortable silk teddy's and matching robe. I reach under my bed and grab the furry bed slippers. They have a low heel so it's easier to walk around. Finally i walk into my living room, grab my cell phone, remove my iPod from it's dock and place it on a smaller one by my bed. Relaxed, I lay across my bed and grabbed my favorite lighter from my special box and sparked my herb. After the second drag, I feel less and less stressed about the decision to marry him. Half way through my facial, I'm thirsty so I walk out into my living room to make another drink. I go for the tequila again, choosing the Patron over the Cuervo. No time to make a margarita so I just pour a few shots into a high glass with ice and fill it with juice. As I walk back into my bedroom I see that my cell is lighting up, Alli's calling me back.
"Alli, what he say?!"
"He has the ring, he's on his way back right now. I couldn't get him to send a picture of it, but he said he did spend a good grip on it so it's probably gorgeous. But he's on his way Mimi."
"Damn, I'm not ready to deal, I'm just not fuckin ready!" I take another drag of my L, it's almost gone, I need to roll another one.
"Mimi you gotta calm down, have a drink or somethin"
"Alli I'm on my like 6th drink and I'm Smokin right now, nothin is helpin me, I'm fuckin flipping the fuck out right now! I wish you were here, what should i do Alli, what should I say?"
"What do you feel?" she asked.
"I have no fucking clue."