The10BestWays To Make Yourself Miserable

The 10 Best Ways to Make Yourself Miserable

by Herbert Wisernaut


Let me begin by saying that I am a total, dedicated, pathetic, loser. I am an alcoholic, horrible step-father, divorced, bitter, old fat guy with very little success at anything. I have gone through a bankruptcy and have a very poor credit rating due to my unwillingness to pay back my debtors. I am addicted to pornography and waste most of my day masturbating to images of naked women or sexual scenes. I am not very good at anything decent. I do not have a saving account and I am near fifty years old. I did not get this way overnight and much of what I did required perfect timing and poor planning and just a tad bit of some bad luck, although I like to think that the bad luck was not really necessary. I very well may have done this poorly, alone. I have even gone so far as to believe, truly, that I did, in fact, create even the bad luck. (but that is another book-"How to create your own bad luck").

I have decided that I should put down on paper, what I believe is the fastest way to achieve this kind of absolute misery. I realize that there may be other people out there who think there may be a better, faster, sure-fire way to achieve this goal, but after years of suffering and months of careful scrutiny, I stand by my method. If nothing else comes from this work, I hope it is but a small inspiration to other would-be-failures. May all of you who desire to be miserable find your own path.


1. Do Not Have Faith in God.
I believe that it is essential and of the highest order to completely destroy the idea that any kind of Divine Being could exist and or possibly care for your personal journey through this seemingly chaotic world. Lose all hope of an afterlife and conduct yourself accordingly. Even when people of faith are able to demonstrate their so called happiness do not fall victim to their logic or emotional tugs on your heartstrings. Pay them no heed. Do not be swayed even by years of solid evidence. You must put faith in yourself even when you fail repeatedly. Believe in yourself and keep trying even when it seems against reason and even though you may have anything and everything to lose. Push on past this natural tendency and you are sure to be a magnificent loser.

2. Pay No Attention To Warnings or Advice
Try to discover everything for yourself. You never know if people are telling you the truth, so why should you trust them. No, be adamant in finding your own way. Do not meddle in the crafty ways of the highly successful. Just stay away from their conferences and literature altogether. Be careful not to be an imitator or a simple sheep of such highly successful people. College is a definite way to sabotage any chance you may have of staying miserable. In fact this leads directly to step 3.

3. Although Not Of The Highest Order, Avoid Higher Education And Working Hard.
Take the easy road when possible and try to put off any work that you can for as long as you can. Do not be greedy or filled with envy when your old peers begin to move forward with their lives. Know in your heart that the joy they possess is only temporary even if it does last for what seems to be decades. It may become necessary to cut ties with those people who prize success disproportionately. Higher Education requires too much work and should be avoided on those grounds alone even though there are other very persuasive, sound, logical reasons. Besides, education and diplomas hanging on walls do not really make you smarter. Everyone knows that it is who you know and not what you know that counts. Television, music, video games and other distractions are very good tools at your disposal. Do not be afraid to use them for hours on end if necessary.

4. I Recommend You Find Some Form Of Addiction
I have to be careful here because some people won't take this serious enough. This one way could lead to the deepest pain and suffering for yourself and your loved ones. It may, all by itself, be the key ingredient to wrecking your life. I am aware that there is a lot of new information and successful programs that abound but one should be able to avoid them long enough to avoid any chance of recovery. Again, almost any addiction will do here. Just be sure to do it with enthusiasm and avoid all the people who try to get in your way.

5. Never Finish What You Start.
This is an easy step to overlook. In todays consumer minded world, the finisher becomes more and more desireable. Employers are willing to pay top dollar for people who can finish what they start. They hide behind names like go getter, entrepeneur, self starter, motivated. Do not be fooled. They are people who get ideas, act on them definitively, and then complete their tasks, usually on time and with very little complaining. If not careful, this one can wreck your chances of being alone and miserable. Be extra careful on this one.

Well I know I said the 10 Best Ways but I am tired and don't really give a fuck what you think. Well, there it is, 6. Do not care about what others think of you or your work.
Ok there it is. I need a beer and some porn.
If you think you can get to miserable faster please respond and I will, well, I might, add it to this work. Don't get your hopes up too high. (Theres number 7. Do Not Set Goals Too High). keep them realistic. Do not allow them to take more than a few minutes to achieve. Long term planning is too much work and leads to disillusionment.
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