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Rated: 13+ · Fiction · Comedy · #1750601
Cramp Item: Why are husbands the most forgetful creatures in the world?
(Word Count: 1000)

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Did you know that husbands are the most forgetful creatures on Earth?



You think they would remember the important stuff?



Birthdays? Nope.



Anniversaries? Ha!



Special Days? If only the Superbowl counts then yeah…other romantic days, forgot about it.



I decided that I was done. No more. I refuse to be the only romantic one in the home. Let see how he fares a few weeks without any “cuddly wuddly time.” Or the times that he just “happens” to conveniently ask if I wanted a massage that would lead to…y’know.



Nope. I’m done. Let him be a Byzantine monk for the rest of our marriage for all I care.



So I started out February, the month of Valentine’s Day, firm and strong in my resolve.   Radio advertisements would belch out sickeningly sweet voice commercials that designed to tug on your heart.



If Scrooge can bah, humbug Christmas…I can for V-Day…I am christening this day as Virgin Day. 

I went to work on the 14th at Choicefirst where I answer phones as a Customer Service Representative. Normally, the atmosphere is cheery…not this time.



Great sobs were coming form Janice’s cubicle who sat across from me. Co-workers were comforting her as she sobbed uncontrollably. I felt uncomfortable and went to the coffee machine to pretend I was getting a cup of java.



Two other co-workers, Jamie and Therese – the notorious office gossipers-were by the machine whispering and I overheard that Janice had lost her husband today. He died after a long battle with lung cancer. Janice was the only one working to pay the bills.



My heart pounded against my chest and tears welled up. I started to shake as memories of my own Daddy flooded over me and how I never got to say goodbye to him before he died of heart failure.  To make things worse, his death happened on Valentine's Day.



Life is never promised and what if today may be the last day that I see Stuart? Yes, he wasn’t the perfect husband yet he was still mine. I closed my eyes and fear gripped me.



“Natalie, are you okay?” Tess asked with concern in her voice. Tess is the most compassionate boss anyone could have.



“Sorry,” as I wiped my tears, “I heard about what happened to Janice’s husband. I am little shaken up. I know that this is really sudden.  This really hit home for me, Tess.  M-may I go home?” The images of my Daddy swept over with deep sadness that I felt ill.



“We are really short-staffed, Nat.” Tess adjusted her marriage ring on her finger.

“My Daddy died on Valentine's Day and I thought I could be strong enough to get through this day.  I'm really not.  Please let me go home.”  My voice cracked with emotion.

Tess looked down at the ground, digesting my reason and paused for what seemed like forever.

“Go ahead...I see you tomorrow. ”



“Thank you, Tess.” I whispered as I rushed out of the office to get into my car.  I wasn’t going to let Stu forget this day. I was going to make this extra special.
  I look at my watch 10:30 a.m.


Stu was due home at 4:30 p.m. from his construction job so this gave me time to shop for, as he call them, “Woo-Hoo” outfits.  Ugh!  How could have been so stupid?  Here I have a man who loves me and all yet I have been the biggest loser.  How he could love sausage thighs like me?  I don't know.

I raced like Danica Patrick to the nearest Frederick’s of Hollywood which was 30 minutes away from work.  Thank God for malls!  I looked the most revealing outfit that I can get into without looking like a cross between a Hooters' Girl (tight clothes) and an Oompa-Loompa from Willy Wonka (bright colors).

Stu liked to role play so I got some fuzzy pink handcuffs along with scent strawberry massage oil.  11:30 a.m.  I dashed from Frederick’s with store bags smacking my body to buy Stu's favorite cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory – Kahlua Cocoa Coffee Cheesecake.

A creamy chocolate cheesecake that one smell of it will make you gain, like, 3,000,000 pounds.  Stu took me two weeks ago to the Cheesecake Factory with his best friend, Kenny and his wife Lisa.  Kenny and Lisa were having major marriage problems (especially communication).  Stu thought getting together would help them see a marriage that works.
After leaving the mall at 12:30 p.m. (I ran into some friends there which delayed me), I was wonderfully greeted on Interstate 75 with construction work.  Ah yes, boys and girls...I had to wait for traffic moving at a snail's crawl to get though the congested mess only to go through a series of detours which delayed me even more. 

Hello 4:00 p.m.!  I sped through our neighbourhood at 55 mph (ignoring the speed limit sign of 25) to get to our home.  I pulled into the driveway like the T.V. Show Cops, flustered and adrenaline pumping.  I fumbled with my keys.  After jockeying to balance cheesecake and lingerie bags, I opened the door.

As I opened the door, the sweet and sensual scent of strawberry essence lightly touched my nose.  I looked down to see my husband's clothes on the floor (a t-shirt at the door, a belt by the lamp, his work pants by the kitchen table).  I giggled because he did this before the second week of our marriage.

“He has beaten me home,” I thought as stepped on the clothes to go into the bedroom where the door was cracked open.

“Babydoll, you did this for m...”

As I opened the door, I saw him fast asleep with silk sheets covering his body and my heart stopped as I saw Lisa snuggling next to him.

I betcha Stu won't forget Valentine's Day again.

My bail is set at $400,000 for assault and battery.


© Copyright 2011 E.J. Apostrophe (eight at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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