Me and Roy

Me and Roy



You’ve got to wonder sometimes. 



Although I have only recently begun to understand more about my search for God, that search is like the opening of the proverbial flood gates. New thought, new ideas, new ways of seeing so many things.



Many of the events in my life, and my actions in the context of those events were always puzzling to me. Why did I act this way or that, how could I have done such a thing, where did I get the capacity to do such bad things?  How did I begin to change?  In the past 58 years I’ve been confused a lot, because I looked for answers of a human sort.  Two and two quite often did not add up to four.  There always seemed to be a missing fraction of the equation.



You see the more I learn about God, Jesus, Mary and the angels and saints the more I learn that I have never been alone.  Oh, I might have felt lonely along the way but I was never alone.



I am very fortunate.  Clearly, I did not and do not deserve any of the good in my life because I am such a wretched sinner.  In fact I have said in the past that I didn’t know why I just didn’t fall into the abyss and become irretrievable.  Yet, God kept putting good things and good people in my way. In retrospect I think that God had me a fairly long leash and let me go this way and that.  I actually got pretty far away sometimes, but He just never let go. Although that might very well be true I always thought that there had to be more to it.



Well I think I know now.  ROY.  You see, Roy is my guardian angel.  Roy has been by my side from the beginning.  He has been a busy guy.  He never quit on me, he had reason to many times, but he hung in there, ever present. 



When it finally dawned on me that he really existed and has always been with me I knew his name right away.  He’s a little sensitive about it because in the angel way of things Gabreal, Rapheal and Michael are names of substance and renown.  He is just plain Roy.  Hey, what do want from me I didn’t pick it.  Like he tells me when it’s something I’m all worked about that is not really important at all, “Get over yourself.”



Roy as a big burly kind of angel, like a football player who is just passed his prime.  He is still massive and even though he is a little long in the tooth, lost a step or two, he is still quite capable of putting up a good fight.  As big as he is Roy has a heart to match.  He loves me more than anything else in this whole world and has acquired many scars over the years proving it, fighting for my soul, he has cradled me in his arms when I thought my heart was broken and at those times when my eyes were opened to my own sinfulness and I wept with shame. 



When assignments were being handed out he drew the short straw and got me to watch after.  I’m not sure that Roy is the brightest of angels, in fact he may be a little slow from time to time, but that’s okay with me, he’s mine and everyday I learn to love him a little more. 



Lots of people confuse guardian angels with conscience, the ability to discern right and wrong and that little voice that let’s you know when you’ve got it wrong.  Sure guardian angels have that in their job description, but there is way more to what they do.  Many of the decisions that I made in life were mine and mine alone, but those were only the wrong ones.  Those were the ones that I made when I wasn’t listening to what Roy had to say.  If he was off taking a nap somewhere, I could say it was his fault, that maybe he was a slacker, but the frequency of those wrong decisions were not because Roy wasn’t on the job it was because I turned away from him and God. 



Roy is a tough guy.  He has gone to battle for me and won huge victories for me.  He even stopped a bullet for me.  One day I want him to tell me why he did that.  Seems he had a lot more work to do after that day. Not that his job had been a walk in the park before that.  We have all heard so many great stories about people’s lives changing after near death experiences. Mine isn’t one of those.  I was a sinner before that day and I was a sinner after that day. In fact the sins and consequences of those sins live with me everyday.  I can be pretty slow on the uptake and it can be a very long time before I can wrap my mind around things of great import.  But, Roy never quits.  He asks God to hold on to the leash, tells Him that I am just stupid and deep down there is something of value, that I will get it eventually.  God must listen. Thanks, Roy.



I lost a brother years ago and the Christmas before he died he and his wife gave me an id bracelet that is inscribed “What’s in a title”, a reference to my working for my brother’s company and always asking “What’s my title”.  So I say to Roy “What’s in a name?”

It might not be trendy, not even current, but to me it is simple, solid and more meaningful everyday.



Roy has a big job.  His job description “guardian angel” and our human perception of such does not come near to what he does.  Roy has placed forgiveness in the hearts of those that I have hurt along the way.  The truth be told, I have been spared retribution from all those I injured, neglected, victimized or betrayed.  I did deserve whatever came from my actions but somehow I was always spared.  Oh, the shame of those actions still lives very strongly inside me, ever present, but Roy is there reminding me that I am no longer that person, that we, he and I have traveled a long way since then.  When the weight of those past sins bares down in full it is Roy who takes some of the weight and Roy who asks the Lord to burden the rest.  Otherwise I would perish under such incredible sorrow. 



Because God has given Roy such a difficult assignment, me, he has also given him a special connection to Him.  Think of it as a cell phone with God on speed dial.  Roy watches and listens and when necessary calls in the heavy reinforcements, the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.  Roy also has a special arrangement with the Blessed Virgin on my behalf. Roy gives her a report on my condition and she gets the attention of Jesus, interrupting His busy schedule to ask Him to deal with my needs. To remind me that I live in faith and the less the world has to do with it the better.  Roy has a company credit card and doesn’t worry about overtime minutes. To take the analogy a little further, Roy makes most of his calls at ‘peak’, or in my case at ‘low’ times.



Tips and all, having Roy is an excellent situation for me.  Through it all, the darkness, the blindness, the sorrow and the shame Roy has helped bring me to this place, where I can acknowledge my past, understand that my sins have been forgiven and have hope that somewhere, somehow, someday God will reveal His plan for me.  Until that day I think I’ll try to give Roy a rest.