cant hide from myself

I thought youd always be there for me

but fate took you away

much too young

and far before I was ready.



You had been there for me through so much

but I didnt realize till now

how much you put me through

just so I could prove that I loved you.



drunken nights,

many fistfights,

me being scared

you telling me it was allright

trying to make me feel safe again,

when it was you that caused the pain.



Too many years you werent there

too many times when i was scared.

oh I was your little girl, of that I dont doubt

and I know you loved as much as you could even now.



in and out you went, I had to go through detectors just to give you a hug

and see your face in the months that you were gone.

and when you came back, youd try to cheat, just one or two or three.

I was always waiting waiting for you to get caught and go back again.

And when you were finally free, three turned into twelve or twenty or more

Too many nites youd passed out on the floor.



You were the life of the party

and sometimees you made me the brunt of the jokes

it was hurtful, but even then I knew not to show you that pain

to keep it hidden so that I could be your little girl again.



I learned too young how to stand my own,

make people like me, to hide any feelings

and to laugh my pain away.

too young I learned the skills of handling someone

who could barely stand on their own two feet.

To get through the system,

to keep the secrets,

to hide from it all.

But suddenly I realize that hiding it didnt work at all.

Because I now realize that in the end, I cant hide from myself.