WarCraft versus StarCraft Interview

(Setting is your typical Talk Show set, with a desk and a couple of lounge chairs. There are three men on the set. One is the Interviewer. He is wearing a black casual suit and checkered tie, and is sitting at the desk. The other two men, who are sitting in the lounge chairs, are a Terran Marine and a Human Footman. The Marine is wearing something that looks like a spaceman’s outfit, with lots of dings and scratches. He also has what looks to be a high powered rifle next to him. The Footman is wearing an outfit that a knight from the 13th century might be familiar with, full body plate armor, which is also dented and scratched. He also has a broadsword and kite shield sitting next to him. The armor and weapons of both the Marine and Footman are colored in shades of blue.)

Interviewer: Hello everyone, and welcome to our first episode of WvS, WarCraft Versus StarCraft. Fantasy versus Sci-Fi. Spaceships versus Dragons. Science versus Magic. The Past versus the Future. The-

Marine: Why don’t you get to asking questions before I decide to frag ya.

Footman: I agree with the convict. Speak before I lop your head off knave.

Interviewer: (Shuffles papers.) Touchy aren’t you.

Marine: If it weren’t for these neural implants, you’d be a smoking crater by now.

Footman: (Whispers to Marine) I know of Dreadlord or two who can take his soul.

Marine: (Whispers to Footman) I know of a Terran Ghost and a Protoss Dark Templar who could kill him without anyone knowing.

Interviewer: (Whispers to Self) Next time I do one of these interviews, I’m getting an Undead Shade and a Terran Medic. The one may be invisible, and the other might blind me anyways, but at least they won’t threaten to kill me. (Normal volume) So tell me, how were the two of you selected to be on the show?

Marine: Oh, me and a bunch of others drew straws and the longest one was the person who won the honor. (Mind flashes back to a free-for-all battle, where the Marine just waited on the outskirts until the rest were unable to stand, and he went on to knock out the rest of the competition.)

Footman: That’s funny. My group did something similar, only we had to paint straw, and the best artist was the one that came. (Mind flashes back to an art competition. The Footman lost to an Orc Grunt, so he caused a huge fight with everyone in the room, and just barely made it out alive.)

Interviewer: I’m glad things were settled peacefully. You guys tend to settle things violently. (Takes a closer look at the “battle scars”, and picks up on the fact that most of the damage is fresh.) Of course, let’s get to the reason that you are here and tell us about the games you represent.

Marine: Hell, it’s about time you got to that.

Footman: I agree. You’ve been trying my patience, Mister Interviewer.

Interviewer: Well, let’s start with your game Mr. Footman, since your series is the older of the two.

Footman: Well, long story short, the Orcs were having some environmental problems with their world, so they came to that of the Humans. There was a huge war as a result. The two sides sought out allies, Orcs befriending Trolls and Goblins, and a few other such creatures, and Humans befriending Elves, Dwarves, and a few Gnomes. Of course, there were renegades on both sides, and other creatures became involved, Dragons especially. Eventually, the Human Alliance won, and the Orcish Horde defeated and broken up, and all that stuff. There was peace for a time, then the Undead showed up, along with Night Elves, and things have been crazy ever since.

Interviewer: That sounds exciting Mr. Footman. Looks to be an enjoyable fantasy series.

Footman: Thank you.

Interviewer: Now what about your game Mr. Marine?

Marine: Well, there are a couple of stories people need to know. First off, Terrans like myself are descended of criminals, who were exiled from Earth several centuries ago. We settled in the Koprulu sector of space, and developed a few factions, the biggest of which was the Confederacy of Man. Then one day, we met up with the Hive-minded Zerg, and the psychic Protoss. It was one hell of a war, that I can say. Also there was in-fighting amongst the Terran factions. Then Earth itself sent a force, and that complicated things even more. Now it’s like “What the Hell’s going on?” If it isn’t aliens you’re fighting, it’s other Terrans.

Interviewer: Sounds like an exciting Sci-Fi series to me. Perhaps you’d like to tell me how the games are played. Mr. Footman?

Footman: Well, no matter the race you are, or game you play, you start out with a few workers.

Marine: These workers gather your resources, Gold and Wood in the case of WarCraft, or Minerals and Vespene Gas in the case of StarCraft.

Footman: They also make the buildings you use to train your troops, so you can fight your enemies.

Marine: Then, when you have a dozen or so troops, you can send them out to scout the area, see what enemy you are facing, and do some preemptive strikes, preferably to their workers and “Town Hall”.

Footman: Of course, you might want to have another dozen troops at your base, along with some “towers”, as the enemy will be doing the same thing.

Marine: After that, you build up your forces, research upgrades, build alternative bases, with their own troop training facilities, and a few other things.

Footman: Then you launch an all-out assault on the enemy, leaving a rearguard at your base, and try to destroy the enemy.

Interviewer: Interesting. Are there any tricks that might help beginning players of the games?

Footman: Tip One: Resources. The more you have, the more upgrades you can research, and the more troops you can recruit.

Marine: Tip Two: A well balanced army. You could have the biggest and best ground force, but if you don’t have ranged units, even a novice player could beat you if he had a few Air-to-Ground troops flying around with the rest of his men.

Footman: Tip Three: The most expensive units are not always the best. Skilled players will use a few cheap units to draw them off, so others can defeat the main army, and destroy those “flashy” units.

Marine: Tip Four: Guard your auxiliary bases. These give you extra resources, and, if your main base is destroyed, will give you a shot at revenge, and victory.

Footman: Tip Five: Know what your foe is, and more importantly, who they are. Playing against another person can be more challenging than the computer. You don’t know if they will guard their base with a few powerful troops, and send most of their resources to their allies, or if they will build a huge, but weak, force and come after you.

Marine: Tip Six: Know how to fight as any race. In WarCraft, you might not like fighting as the Undead, but knowing how to utilize their units will give you an advantage over the player who loves the Undead but doesn’t know how to fight as them.

Footman: Same for those who play StarCraft. You might not like the Protoss, but if you know how to use them properly, you can beat the guy that likes them, but can’t use them right.

Interviewer: Wow! So much information, from two basic units. I’m surprised that no Hero units wanted to show up for this.

Marine: Well, the Leaders are busy with things. Politics and all of that stuff.

Footman: Also there is the popularity issue.

Interviewer: Popularity issue?

Marine: Same guy might have two or more versions of themselves. For instance, there is the Terran Sarah Kerrigan, and then there is the Zerg Sarah Kerrigan. People might like the one version, but hate the other.

Footman: The same goes with a few characters from WarCraft, Prince, or King, Arthas being one. There is the Human version, and there is the Undead version. One might be more loved than the other.

Interviewer: Interesting. So tell me, in your opinions, what sort of force would be the best one to use?

Footman: A combined army of Human, Orc, Undead, and Night Elf forces.

Marine: I’d have to say the same thing with a combined Terran, Zerg, and Protoss force.

Interviewer: Why would you say that?

Footman: Different abilities. Get the best mix.

Marine: Element of surprise. A Zerg player might have a bunch of Zerglings after a group of Protoss Zealots. Next thing he knows, a bunch of Terran Marines are attacking him from some cliffs, and a group of enemy Zergling are attacking him from beneath the ground, and those Zealots turn around to add their blades to the carnage. It can be nasty.

Footman: Yes, very nasty, especially when you combine different Auras and enhancement spells, which can add damage, defense, movement and attack speed, increase healing rate, extra damage attributes, and more. Also, the negative effects you can cause the enemy can be damaging.

Marine: And using an ability to kill an enemy, and gaining a unit or two for yourself is very useful.

Footman: And summoning illusions helps to. They may not be able to do any damage themselves, but they keep real units safe from harm.

Interviewer: (Puts hand to off-ear, as if listening to a Bluetooth or something. Nods once.) (Whispers) Tell them to wait there. (Normal) So tell me, what would you say to the others who could have been here, if they were here right now?

Marine: That I wish they could be on TV with me.

Footman: Hey, I was going to say the same thing.

Interviewer: Well, I have some good news: All your friends are right outside the doors. In fact, let’s open up the doors right now and let them in.

(A set of double doors open, and in swarms a whole bunch of armed Terrans, Humans, Protosses, Zergs, Elves, Orcs, Undead, and more. All of them have pissed looks in their eyes, and weapons at the ready.)

(The Human Footman and Terran Marine look at each other, their eyes as big as dinner plates.)

Footman: I should have stayed a farmer.

Marine: I should have stayed in prison.

(Camera dims, and the sound of fighting is heard, along with two long, and loud, screams.)