begining to mend

Don’t make me do this
I don’t want to go through this
What am I supposed to say?
There has to be another way
I’ve already fought this war
The outcome will be the same as before
Resurrecting old demons everyday
Running out of strength to hold them at bay
Wounds reopen, scars refuse to heal
When under pressure the cracks are revealed
I’m fighting this battle with all that I’ve got
But what I’m still doing this for I’ve forgot
Dragging me back through decades of pain
Drowning in the memories flooding through my veins
Just a little more they say with a condescending smile
My tattered shredded heart bleeding out all the while
Nothing I could say out loud, nothing I could possibly do
Could ever make real the nightmares I walk through
My words are shadows fading fast, my pain nothing more then a ghost
Patronizing words and disbelieving eyes are the weapons that wound the most
I tell no lies, but none believe that I could be telling the truth
Trade me skins for a time, so you might feel the proof
Some days the emptiness aches, some days it only stings
I dread relinquishing the night for the trials the daylight brings
All the things I cannot have taunt me relentlessly
The blades that cut me to the quick, no one else can see
“she’s desperate for attention” they say, stern with disapproval
If only they could see, that’s not what I’m seeking at all
I want to know I am real, fashioned of blood and bone
I want to know that I won’t always be walking alone
I need only kindness, someone brave enough to hold me near
Someone with the courage to steady me, so I can make the demons disappear
I seek noone to fight for me, I am able to hold my own
But when the battle is over, I need someone to welcome me home
Someone who does not fear imperfections, I bear many scars and sins
One who is willing to face the chaos rolling and raging beneath my skin
I cannot be like others, I will not even try to pretend
Three decades have all but torn me apart, but now I’m beginning to mend.