Preface Entry: Diary of Albert Bluefield

The Diary of Albert Bluefield: Ominous (Isabella)

April 15th, 2005

California, United States

“Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves.” Blaise Pascal (1623 – 1662)

Isabella,

I woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night, opened my eyes and looked over to my left hoping you’ll be there, eyes closed, hair tucked behind the ears, calm and peaceful; but you weren’t. I remembered when you used to wake me up in the dead of night, sleeping uneasily, knowing that I’m in a middle of a nightmare just so I won’t wake up in a state of distress. Then, handing me a glass of water and having a laugh about how ridiculous my nightmare sounds. That laughter, that smile, that twinkle in your eyes, God! I miss them so much.

My eyes started welling with tears, wondering how I could start this chapter in my life without you. I placed my hands despairingly over my head and the tears came rushing down my face. After a moment of extreme mournfulness and sadness, I woke up from bed and looked over at the alarm clock; it was 3:27AM.

Silence filled the room. I stood up and walked towards the hallway heading to the kitchen. I turned on the kitchen lights and saw everything as they were; plates piled in the sink, spilled water on the floor and the mail placed on the side table. We were in a hurry and promised each other to be more organized when we’re back. We had a laugh about it, but I never thought I’d be coming back alone.

I kept hearing the sounds of the lonely crickets calling as I started scraping the surface of the plates. I can’t help but think of the times when you used to touch the tip of my nose with soapy water every time I’m back from the supermarket carrying the groceries while you’re in the kitchen washing the dishes. I place them on the kitchen table, hand you the list as you pull out your hair stick and let your hair loose; moving it to the side and start scrolling down the list, humming, and checking if there was something that I’ve missed or forgotten. And then comes the smile, a smile that I couldn’t go one day without, and now it’s gone.

My eyes welled in tears again. I couldn’t take this anymore, the loneliness is overwhelming. I went back to the room, took out a notebook, sat on the chair, placed a picture of us in front of me and started writing this chapter of my life; without you. I’ll never forget the moments we had together and I’ll always be carrying them with me, in my heart, for the rest of my life. I love you and I’ll be missing you every day. Until we meet again.

Albert

Isabella Bluefield
1965 – 2005
Loving wife.
Will always be remembered.