Special

“We have many special education programs here at Roosevelt High School, I’m sure we can find somewhere to put your daughter,” said the guidance counselor.
“She won’t be treated differently because she’s special, we don’t want her to feel she’s any different than the normal kids,” worried David and Beth Lynch.
“We’ll do our best to make her feel comfortable,” said the guidance counselor.
Special, what was special about me? I didn’t think I was any different than the other kids at my old school. Wouldn’t it be the same thing here? I wondered about this as I sat outside the guidance office listening to my parents and the counselor talk about my future at this new school. I wasn’t nervous to move to a new school. All the kids at my old school liked me; I didn’t expect this school or new kids to be any different.
“What did you think of your new school,” asked my mother?
“I think it’s very nice,” I answered
“Well I hope you like it, you will be spending the next few years of your life going to school there,” Mom said.
When we arrived home, I walked into my sister’s room and sat down on her bed. As I waited for her to finish her talking to her boyfriend, I thought about how no boy had ever liked me. Hannah has had tons of boyfriends, but I never had one. Hannah and I were exactly the same why did all the boys like her instead of me?
Breaking my train of thought, Hannah put down her cell phone and looked at me excitedly.
“So, how was it?” she exclaimed.
“I love my new school! It’s so much bigger than my old school, and we have a different teacher for every subject,” I rambled on.
“I can’t believe my little sister is going to be in high school, we will finally be in the same school!” Hannah said excitedly.
She jumped off the bed and did an excited dance and then sat back down. My sister had always been the pretty one that everyone loved. She had gorgeous dark brown long wavy hair, always skinny, she was always happy and helpful no matter what, and to tie it all together she had sky blue eyes. She could convince anyone to do something for her with one innocent glance with her sweet pretty eyes. She would be turning sixteen very soon, which meant she would be able to drive soon. That would leave me stranded here, without the comfort and support of my sister.
The next day, Hannah, my mom, and I went back to school shopping. A day full of arguing about what color t-shirt brought out Hannah’s blue eyes and what type of jeans made me look best. Mom was insistent that every piece of clothing we bought had to have a purpose.
I would be going to school on Monday, which meant I had two more days of freedom before 180 days of learning. Just thinking about it made me tired. I wish there was a way I could escape from it all and just relax. Like the people in books and movies live, without a care in the world. They could constantly be in a dream state of mind and continue normally through their lives. But in reality, no one could do this. It was impossible to go through life without caring. It wasn’t possible to live in a dream forever, but I could try.
I jumped off the bed and threw on a worn gray T-shirt. I then dug through my clothes hamper and found a pair of ill-fitted jeans from two years ago. Now fully adorned in old worn-out clothes, I slipped on my tennis shoes and ran into the woods.
I don’t know how long I walked. It could have been for hours, miles, or maybe even just a few minutes. Every corner of the woods looked the same. All tall oak trees draped in a canopy of mosses, vines, and various birds’ nests. The forest floor was speckled with thorn bushes just waiting for the next unsuspecting passer-by to be trapped in its prickly snarls. The occasional squirrel or chipmunk scurried across the path in front of me. Each never stopped to look at me the way I did to it. They had places to be, things to do. I would continue on, yet again stopping to observe the ants build their hill or the birds sing their gorgeous tune. Finally I had come to my stopping point. I had found this place a few years ago, coming across it by chance during my many walks through the woods. I walked to the edge of the creek bed; minnows quickly darted away at the first sight of me. I was tempted to go for a swim, but I knew I shouldn’t. I decided to try to crawl onto the log that lay across the water. It had fallen just last year during a large lighting storm. I had never been on it, but it looked sturdy enough. As I slowly edged onto the log I could hear it creak from age. No large cracking noises, everything was still ok. I continued to creep onto the log till I was right above the creek, in the center of that old log. This was like a dream. I had nothing to worry about, no parents yelling, or cars honking at each other. I was just me, and nature. The creeks melody of babbling water and splashing fish lulled me into a trance. It wouldn’t hurt if laid down on the log and rested my eyes.
Where was I? I awoke to darkness. No more peaceful creek singing me to sleep. All I could hear was a thunder storm in the distance and the creatures of the night. I frantically leapt up and raced back across the log to land. I heard a large crack. I had split the log in my hurry; I stood for a moment to watch as it washed down the creek. I now had no clue how to get back home. There had to be someone looking for me. What would happen if I didn’t get home, if I could never find my way back? I tried to find my path, but it was no use. I paced through the woods frantically, screaming for help.
I heard a noise, a noise from a person. I listened closely, straining to hear.
“Becky!”Yelled the unknown searcher “Becky where are you?!”
“I’m over here!”I screamed, waving my arms, doing anything to catch their sight.
“Becky!” My mother exclaimed worriedly, “I thought you were gone forever!”
“I’m ok, I just want to go home.” I said tiredly
On the long walk home, I knew I would never be going into the woods again. It would be a miracle if I was allowed out of the house. As we neared the house I looked on graciously. I knew I would be happy to sleep in my own bed.
I walked into the house and made a quick escape to my room. I knew I would be paying for my adventure tomorrow, but for now I could sleep.
The next morning I was thoroughly lectured about my dangerous behavior. I was sentenced by my parents to complete house confinement for a month besides school and outings with family. Well, school starts tomorrow morning and I am completely scared to death about the idea of such a large place. I could only suck it up and deal with it. I had no choice but to do it. So, what to wear, what to bring, what to do?
As I woke up on Monday morning, the realization hit me. I had to go to school. I did the normal get dresses, eat breakfast, and catch the bus. I opened the door to Roosevelt High School my heart dropped to my stomach. I was so nervous it was un-bearable. I followed Hannah as she led me to my first class.
I walked in the door to my first class, History. Everyone stared at me like I was a recently discovered animal in a zoo. I sat down at a desk where no one was sitting by. Then my teacher walked in the room, Mrs.Renouz.
"Good morning, class," Mrs. Renouz greeted cheerfully," It looks as though we have a new student, Becky why don’t you come up here.”
I nervously stood up and walked to the front of the room..
“Class, this is Becky, she is from The Franklin Academy for Special Education, I’m sure you will all make her feel welcome,” she said as she beckoned me back to my seat.
I slunk back to my seat. Why did teachers always have to point out the weakest link of the class? Why was everyone still staring at me? I wish I could just hide in the back corner behind all the old boxes that my teacher had yet to put away.
The rest of the day I spent in agony. No one talked to me, at all. I even had to eat lunch in the bathroom because I couldn’t find a place to sit in the cafeteria. This was my worst nightmare coming true. I couldn’t come back to school tomorrow just to be shunned again. Where was Hannah when I needed her?
I decided to retreat from my makeshift lunchroom and explore the school before lunch was over. Nothing was different from a normal school. It had the regular white walls where students stared at blankly as teachers tried to drill things into their brains, the dismally colored lockers lining the walls orderly, and classroom after classroom inflicting torture on students. I rounded the bend of a hallway to the stairwell and saw two people kissing leaning up against the wall. Didn’t these kids have any decency at least not to kiss in school? Wait, I studied the features of the girl, it was Hannah. I felt as though I could throw up. I never needed to see that side of my sister. I didn’t even know she wanted to that let alone at school. I tried to escape my thoughts by leaving my sister and her boyfriend and walking the opposite direction.
The bell rang and students flooded out of classrooms. I unexcitedly made my way to the next class. Again I was ignored by the whole class except when the stared and whispered at me. I didn’t understand what was so different about me compared to them. The teacher continued to ramble on about expectations, grades, blah, blah, blah for the rest of the period until the school day was finally over. The bus ride home was dismal and uneventful; I could probably expect the same every time I rode.
I arrived home just in time to be interrogated by my parents about every small detail about my day. I shoved their questions aside and retreated to my room. I sunk into a much needed nap and woke up just in time for dinner.
We ate the typical chicken and mashed potatoes, accompanied by a salad.
“Becky, I didn’t get a chance to hear about your day,” my Dad said questioningly
“Oh, nothing special happened, my classes are good, my teachers are nice.” I said trying to suppress his appetite for information.
“Did you make any new friends,” Dad asked finally getting to the point
“Not yet…..” I answered meekly
There wasn’t much conversation after that. When I finished eating, I threw my dishes into the sink; they could be someone else’s problem. I ran up to my room, got my outfit together for tomorrow, and finally went to sleep.
The next morning brought on the usual, developing routine.
Get ready for school, get on the bus, and suffer through first period. In the middle of my droning thoughts I didn’t notice the approach of someone from behind me.
“Hi, I’m Samantha,” she greeted as she tapped me on the shoulder.
“H h h hi,” I stuttered.
“Your name’s Becky, right?” She asked
“Yeah,” I whispered
“I think we have a lot of classes together, do you mind if I sit with you?” She asked warmly
“Go ahead,” I invited
The rest of that day I felt like I had finally found someone who understood me. Someone who wasn’t family, but I could still trust and consider a friend. Samantha was my only friend.
The rest of that week was great. I never had to eat alone and I always had someone to talk to. Samantha was truly one of the greatest things that ever happened to me.
“You should ride the bus home with me tomorrow,” Samantha said during one of our routine nightly cell phone calls.
“I would love to, but your brother is kind of mean to me,” I said hesitantly
“Oh, I promise he won’t bother you, come on, it will be fun,” She urged
“Ok, I guess I’ll come,” I agreed
Samantha’s bus was a lot different than mine. We sat in the front with the middle school kids and actually talked to them. I usually never talked to people on the bus besides them telling me to get out of their seat. Samantha’s brother, Milo, sat in the back of the bus making fun of different kids in their grade and being completely immature like most boys are.
“Hey Sammy,” Milo shouted from the back of the bus
“What!” Samantha answered irritably
“Make sure you get my homework done for tomorrow, Mr. Klutz is gonna freak if I miss one more assignment.” Milo ordered
“Ok Milo,” Samantha agreed
Why did she let him push her around like that? I was so glad I had a sister instead of a brother.
When we got to Samantha’s house, Milo raced inside trying to lock the front door before we got in the house. To his surprise, we entered through the garage which he forgot to lock. We escaped Milo by hurrying to Samantha’s room. It was pale pink with little pastel colored flowers artistically painted across the walls. She had a large four poster canopy bed. Her bed set reminded me of Disney princesses, bright pink and lacey. Stuffed animals ran amuck across the floor and bed, each having a different name and story of how it came to be. The posters of popular music artists and actors on her walls were the only thing that told me this room belonged to a fourteen year old. We plopped down in front of her Hello Kitty themed computer desk and she opened up her aqua colored laptop. She was showing me a video on YouTube when we heard her brother’s heavy metal music pouring through the walls.
“Milo, Turn your music down!” Samantha tried to shout over the bashing music “I’ll be right back,” she tried to say.
She walked out of her room and knocked on Milo’s door loudly.
“What?” Milo asked as he opened his door.
“Could you turn the music, Becky and I are trying to do something,” She convinced
“Like what kind of stuff, are you trying to help her with her homework, why do you hang out with that retard anyways, I thought I taught you better than to be nice to people less popular than you, you’re making a big mistake,” Milo taunted as he slammed the door in Samantha’s face. As she walked back into the room Milo turned the music up even louder than before.
She didn’t think I heard anything he said, she hoped I hadn’t. She knew it would hurt me and she was right.
“Why don’t we use the computer downstairs?” Samantha suggested
As I followed her down the stairs the computer room I felt like a wounded soldier in battle. Whoever said “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was sadly mistaken. I didn’t pay attention to anything Samantha was saying after that. I added in the occasional “Yeah” or “I know”, she didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong and I was glad for it. Samantha’s mom came home and took Samantha to dance practice dropping me off at home on the way.
When was dropped off at my house, no one was home. I retreated to my room and cried myself to sleep. School for the rest of the week was horrible. The bullying got worse, I started avoiding Samantha. I felt bad about it, but if she were me she would know why. I absolutely hated my life. I wished I could just die, and I knew everyone else would be appreciative of it.
For the rest of that month I lived in misery. Nothing made me happy; I was still not permitted to go out into the woods, so I could never escape from reality. I suffered from constant taunting from other kids. I let my grades slip because I was so worried about what people were saying about me, or who was going to prank me next.
At home my parents avoided the subject of how drastically I had changed. They couldn’t help with problems they didn’t have the answers to. They never had to deal with what I’m going through.
One night I laid in bed thinking about everything going on in my life. At this rate, I knew I would never be able to fall asleep. I then heard a raised voices coming from my parents room. Ever so quietly, I crept out of my bedroom to press my ear against their door.
“How is she going to be able to function?” Dad asked loudly
“It’s not her fault, she didn’t choose for this to happen to her!” Mom sympathized
“I don’t think we knew what we were getting into when we decided to adopt her, her real parents didn’t want her so why should we,” Dad said.
“Who were they talking about?” I thought.
“She’s not like a puppy; we can’t just give her back!” Mom shouted back
Me, they were talking about me. My whole world just fell apart in five minutes. The walls were closing in and I was trapped. I ran back to my room, my eyes blurred with tears. I knew what I had to do; it would solve all the problems I was causing.
I raced outside into the woods, I ran blindly until I came to the creek. It had comforted me so many times before; I had one last favor to ask it. I jumped into the deep water and didn’t hold my breath. As I hit the icy water, I was chilled to the bone. My head was hidden under the water and I inhaled deeply, water flooded my body. I wanted to come back out of the water and gasp for air, but I knew I couldn’t. I took another breath and water filled my lungs. I could feel the life slowly escaping my body.
Everything became a fuzzy blur, nothing mattered anymore.

I don’t regret what I did; I was just another person, with a minute impression on the rest of the world. I made a difference in many people’s lives because of what I did. I hope they think before they tease other kids like me. We don’t deserve it. We didn’t choose to be different. I feel bad about crushing my family, Samantha, and any other person who may have liked me, but what I did is done and there’s no going back now.