Writers Cramp! Beards!

“Oh dear” Sighs my garden gnome as he sits despondently amongst the bushes, his small fishing rod dangles loosely in the water.

“Is something wrong?” I ask him, perching myself on a nearby rock the sun has warmed it slightly and I rest my chin on my knees awaiting my little friends response.

“I have no beard! All the gnomes have such ravishing and distinguished beards but I have none!” He throws his little fishing rod aside and crosses his arms. I jump up and retrieve his rod nudging his chubby arm with the end of it. He just doesn’t look right without it and he knows it too, so he takes it in his stubby little fingers and tosses the end back in the water. My goldfish eye him suspiciously and swim away.

“Even the fish know I’m no good” he strokes his little chin as though feeling for any signs of stubble.

“I think you look lovely with no beard!” He gives me an unfriendly glare but it softens as and he pats my arm.

“Thank you, but a real gnome has a beard” We sit in silence watching the goldfish watching us and I am suddenly struck with an idea so brilliant I could hit myself for not thinking of it before. I quickly run inside and though my gnome yells after me I don’t stop my poor shag carpet will never forgive me but after some rummaging through several different draws I find a large pair of scissors. I need to be careful not to make the carpet look silly so I snip a bit here and there till I have half a handful just enough I think, I can always come back for more. Another few minutes are wasted searching for some glue which I find stuck to the bottom of a box of odds and ends. So me, my carpet clippings, and glue with part of the box still attached head outside and sit cheerfully in front of my friend who now is staring at the other gnomes stroking their beards in a most magnificent manner. I can only think how wonderfully bristled and furry it would feel to touch. But I don’t express my interest so I don’t upset Mr. Gnome further.

“A solution” I proudly gesture to my pile of odds and ends and Gnome gives me a look filled with confusion.

“Solution?” he eyes everything and me curiously so I tell him to shut his eyes and I set to work. Each little strand is glued into place I don’t make them to long lest I cover his face! An hour or so I spend fussing over it till finally my little friend has the grandest of beards! All the gnomes from the garden wander over to admire even the fish open and shut their little mouths in appreciation. He smiles now my little gnome friend has the nicest beard of all the gnome men.
I go back inside to let him sing and rejoice and hope he’s not to pissed off when he finds out the glue isn’t waterproof!