Searching For You

Disclaimer: the real person belong to their respective management company, i own the plot of the story only.

Akanishi Jin is staring off into the ocean. The sun is almost setting making the sky glowing with orange color. The sunlight reflected on the water changing the clear blue color of the ocean to orange. The waves some times look so fierce and some times flow gently to the beach. The scenery is so beautiful, amazingly beautiful and soothing the worried souls, but to him, it’s not enough to ease his chaotic heart.

If he is his old self he would admires the scene a lot. He would captures the stunning view and make it into a really lively picture with his camera. But he is not his old self, he has lost his old self and he is in search for his lost soul.

“Please, Jin, find yourself back. I’m your best friend, but I can’t do anything more,” his friend’s words resounding in his ears. The incident that happened six months ago, making him lost. His heart died when the person that he loves with all his heart left him, left the world without saying goodbye.

He knows that his best friend has done everything, everything he could for him. For his best friend and for himself, he comes to the island to find his self again and try to let his deceased love go and starts a new life. But although he wants to let it go, he doesn’t remember anything. He feels like the memories are there in his heart, but they are locked and he doesn’t remember at all.

He closes his eyes, trying to picture the amazing scenery in his mind, trying to capture it with his eyes and save it in his heart, but he can’t. All he sees is hazy and blurry picture, nothing is alive same as his dead heart.

He opens his eyes again and looks at the ocean back. The waves are somewhat seem much more fierce than before. He stands up from where he has been sitting for the past six hours and turns to leave the sea to return to his room at the resort. He freezes on his track as his eyes catches on someone. That person is riding the wave on his surf board. He can feels his heart beats nervously like it’s the first time he can feels it; the sign that he is alive after six months.

He doesn’t understand why. It’s not the first time he saw a surfer who riding the wild waves, but he really wish he has his camera with him to capture the moment. His eyes trains on the surfer while admiring his skills at controlling the surf board, taming the untamed wave. The beautiful form of the person on the water that shining with the orange light of the sun. He really wants to save the amazing scene in a picture.

+++

Jin walks outside his room bringing with him his camera which he didn’t use since the accident. Seeing the beautiful feature of the surfer while he did his best to win the harsh wave, he had the urge to capture the moment. Although he has saved it in his memory, in his heart, he still wants to capture it with his precious camera. He walks along the beach to the spot where he spent his times the previous day. He sits there hoping to see the surfer challenging his skills in the ocean again.

The ocean is beautiful like the other day. The breeze is blowing softly bringing with them the fresh smell of the sea water. He feels his heart soothes by the calming and refreshing air, really he feels alive after he saw the incredible sight in front of him the other day.

He picks up his camera, looking through it, focusing his eyes to the ocean. To the surrounding, searching for something that interesting to him. But nothing really catches his attention. Not like the sunset he saw the other day, the reflected light on the water made him wants to save the amazing scene in his mind, but it didn’t store in his memory because of his heart still in mess.

He is searching for something, no, for someone that can makes him feels alive again. He is searching for that one particular surfer.

+++

Jin lies on his bed. It’s already late at night but he is still awake. He is tired but can’t sleep. He has waited all day long until the sun has set, but he didn’t see the surfer. There are many people were surfing that day, but he didn’t see the one person that he is looking for. Although he doesn’t saw their face or the surfer’s face on the other day before too, he knew by heart that he was not among the surfers that he saw earlier.

He is disappointed but he makes a resolution to go to the place again the next day.

+++

“Hi,” Jin turns to his side when he hears someone greets him. A young man around his age, tall and maybe a mixed blood, he thinks. The man smiles to him, “I saw you here yesterday and the day before too,” he says as he sits beside him. “Are you looking for something? Or maybe someone?”

Jin turns from the man besides him to the vast ocean.

“You’re a photographer?” he hears the man asks again. Maybe he saw the camera beside him which he put there after a whole day looking through it searching for the surfer who catches his eyes and his heart the first day he came to the beach.

“I’m looking for my lost self,” he says doesn’t mean to sound poetic, but he is really looking for his old self. He is expecting the man to laugh or smile mockingly at him, but he doesn’t. The young man looks at him curiously but doesn’t ask anything as if expecting him to elaborate more.

“Do you know what it is like to lose yourself?” he asks but doesn’t expect any answer. He continues again, “It felt like you are dead yet you are alive,” Jin chuckles as he finds it ironic to tell that to someone while in fact he doesn’t find his old self yet.

“Have you found yourself back yet?” The model-like man asks him after a few moment of silence.

Jin picks his camera and focuses it to the ocean, “I feel like I find him, but no. Somehow I feel like I’m actually close to him,” Jin smiles bitterly. He is still searching for the man that makes him feels like taking pictures again. He has lost that part of him six months ago, and that surfer who looked so beautiful when he rode the waves is the only person that triggering that part of him again.

Jin puts down his camera back, “Are you a model?” he asks curiously. The man is so good looking and he is tall and somehow he is emitting that cool aura. “You look like one.”

The man chuckles, “A lot of people say that. But no, I’m not a model.” He offers a hand while introducing his name, “I’m Shirota Yuu and I’m a lawyer.”

Jin takes his hand being polite, “Akanishi Jin,”

“Do you come here often?” Jin asks a few seconds after. From the way the man talks, he can guess that Shirota is not a local people.

“Yeah, every summer. I come here with a few friends,” Shirota answers and continues excitedly, “How about I introduce you to them. You know, it’s good to socialize more in your condition. It’ll be a good therapy,”

“What are you, a psychiatrist?” Jin teases.

“I met many type of people through my job,” Shirota answers. Jin nods getting the point.

“Come on,” Shirota pulls Jin up as he drags Jin to come with him. Jin doesn’t want to leave the spot as he wants to wait for the surfer, but reluctantly he follows Shirota.

+++

“Guys, let me introduce someone,” Shirota says as he catching his friends’ attention. They are busy preparing for BBQ. “This is Akanishi Jin, my friend,”

Jin bows politely. His heart beats faster when he sees a person among the three other guys. He is not sure but he thinks that the person is the one that he has been looking for these past few days. When Shirota introduces his friends to him, he quickly registers that one person’s name into his brain.

“Are they lawyers too?” he asks to Shirota after all his friends already get back to do what they’ve been doing before. They are sitting on the beach a little too far from the other guys.

“Yes, except Yamapi. He’s a model,” Shirota tells him.

“Yamapi?”

“Oh, Yamashita Tomohisa. He’s my childhood friend, better known as Yamapi,” Shirota tells him.

“He’s a model? No wonder,” Jin says to himself. For Jin, Yamapi is so handsome, yet he emits a beautiful aura which will makes people attracted to him.

“What?” Shirota asks him.

“Ah, nothing. I feel bad for crashing at your party. I better go now,” Jin says as he begins to stand up.

“Here,” a voice comes from behind them. They turn to find Yamapi standing beside him and handing a can of beer to him. Jin looks at Yamapi then at the smiling Shirota.

“Nothing for me?” Shirota asks pretending to be sulking at Yamapi.

“He’s a guest,” Yamapi says.

“Yeah, yeah,” Shirota walks to the group of guys who are doing the BBQ leaving the two of them.

“I heard that you’re a photographer,” Yamapi asks as he takes a seat beside Jin on the sand.

“Yeah,” Jin nods.

“I’m interested in photography too. Can I see the pictures that you’ve taken?” Yamapi asks suddenly.

Jin thinks for a little. Since the incident happened, he never looks at those pictures anymore. He is so afraid to remember all the memories; the memories that will reminds him to his love. It’s so hard and hurt to accept the reality that his love has died in the accident; he doesn’t want to remember them anymore. But he thinks that maybe Yamapi can help him to find his lost self. So he decided to let him sees the pictures. “Yeah, if you want. But I don’t take any new pictures lately. Just some old collection,” Jin says.

“The pictures maybe old, but the memories saved with it are always new and fresh, right?” Yamapi smiles as he says that. Jin looks at Yamapi. Although Yamapi is smiling, his eyes have a sorrowful expression. Seemingly like he has lost something so precious to him but still hoping that he would get it back some day. Jin can understand the emotion, since he too has lost his love and his life.

“You have an interesting point of view,” Jin says as he diverts his eyes back to the vast ocean. Looking at the other man making his heart beats rapidly. He feels like he had fallen for him.

They stay in silence. Jin doesn’t know what Yamapi is thinking, but he is thinking about his love. He doesn’t know why, but somehow he can’t remember his love; the face, the voice, the smile or anything about his love. He knew they are there, deep down in his heart; like all the memories are being caged; but he can’t remember. He tries to recall them but he can’t, and every time he feels suffocated.

Shirota comes and sits with them. “Yamapi is an amazing surfer,” he says.

Yamapi laughs, “How do you define amazing? I’m just an amateur,” Jin thinks that he loves that laugh. He thinks that somehow he misses that laugh. It’s weird, he had just known Yamapi a while ago but it feels like he had known him from long ago.

“At least among us, you are the only one who can and brave enough to surf,” Shirota laughs too. He suggests to Yamapi to go to surf and shows it to Jin. Jin can’t wait to see, since he is sure that Yamapi is the surfer that makes his heart feels alive again.

Jin looks at Yamapi. The feeling when he sees Yamapi on the surf board riding the waves is the same as the last time he saw the surfer. He knows that his instinct is true. He is focusing his camera to Yamapi’s figure and he can feel the beating of his pulse and he can’t stop taking the other’s beautiful form. The scene feel so beautiful and amazing, he can’t stop pressing the shutter.

“You’ve found yourself,” Shirota says suddenly. He has forgotten that Shirota still standing besides him. He is so much attracted to Yamapi, he is not noticing that Shirota has been observing from his side.

“I guess,” Jin answers.

“You’ve found yourself in Yamapi,” Shirota comments casually.

Jin is so surprised by the remarks. He turns to Shirota. Shirota smiles, “Am I right?”

“Yeah, I saw him the other day. It’s the first time I felt like taking picture again after I’ve lost myself,” Jin smiles faintly as he explains to Shirota.

“You’ve been looking for him yesterday and the other day too?” Shirota asks.

Jin nods.

“Then, do you remember your old self now?” Shirota asks again. Jin gives him a questioning look.

“The accident…,” Shirota says. Jin is shocked, how comes Shirota knows about the accident.

It’s like a trigger; everything that happened on the day of the accident, before the accident, all the memories with his love comes flooding his mind. Like a flashback, he remembers again all the things that ever happened in his life, the memories that he have forgotten.

“Yamapi,” the name slips through his lips. He remembers again his beloved’s name. He looks at the ocean, but doesn’t see Yamapi. “Yamapi! Pi!” he frantically calls out his love’s name. His heart is beating hard. His tears start to roll down his cheeks. He shakes his head; he doesn’t want to lose his love. Not again. Not after he have forgotten about him for a long time.

“I’m here Jin. I’m here,” Yamapi runs to him and hugs him tightly. Jin cries like a child. He hugs Yamapi tightly as if not to let him go. He doesn’t want to lose Yamapi again.

“I’m sorry,” he says, how could he forget his beloved person. “I’m sorry,”

Yamapi strokes his hairs gently. He whispers to his ear. “Don’t apologized Jin. It’s not your fault. It’s nobody fault. I’m the one should apologizing because I’m not by your side all this time,” Yamapi says coaxing his love who is crying non-stop.

“Jin,” Jin turns when he hears his best friend’s voice. Nishikido Ryo, his childhood friend comes to him. Ryo pats his back a few times as he smiles and nods to Jin.

They are sitting on the beach. Yamapi circling his arms around Jin’s waist securing Jin in his embrace, Jin’s back against his chest. He’s been waiting for this moment and he doesn’t want to let Jin go too. He wants to feels him in his arms, close to him.

“Jin, after the accident, you’ve lost your memories about him. You have forgotten about him, and don’t recognize him. You thought that your love has died in the accident,” Ryo tells him. Jin looks at Ryo and Shirota who are sitting in front of them.

He remembers again that after the accident Yamapi and Shirota have been visiting him, but he refused to meet them or anyone. He doesn’t recognize them. He remembers again the sad face on Yamapi’s face every time he told them to go away. It must be hurt him a lot. Jin turns to Yamapi looking straight into his love’s eyes. Yamapi seems to know what he’s thinking. He leans closer and kisses him on the forehead and whispers, “It’s okay.”

“Maybe the last memory you remembered about the accident is Yamapi lying unconscious beside you with blood all over him. Your heart can’t take it, so your brain shut the memories about Yamapi. You don’t remember him, so it’s hard for him to be by your side. That’s why I told him to give you some space and time to recover,” Shirota explains to him.

“But six months, Jin. It’s a torture to both of you,” Ryo looks at him gently. He knows just how much Jin is suffering during those times. He knows that Yamapi too is suffering; waiting and wanting Jin to remember him again.

“Ryo and I planned to make both of you meet again at the first place you met and fell in love,” Shirota says.

“Here, this beach. I suggest you to come here,” Jin still remembers when Ryo told him to find his old self back, he told him to come to this beach. He said that the beach holds a lot of memories for him; maybe he can find himself back. Indeed the beach is the place where he met Yamapi for the first time.

“And I take Yamapi to here. He doesn’t know our plan until he saw you when he surfed that day you saw him,” Shirota tells him.

Ryo smiles to Jin, “When you came back to the beach, at the same spot, bringing your camera, we thought that you might start remembers something.”

Shirota looks at Yamapi “So, I told Yamapi about our plan and told him not to go surfing that day.” He pauses and shifts his eyes to Jin back, “And today, I went to met you and asked you to join us, so I could introduce Yamapi to you. I saw your reaction, when I introduced him, and I know you would remember him again.”

“I fell in love with him at the first sight when I saw him surfing,” Jin says remembering the first time he saw Yamapi two years ago. Jin traces his fingers on Yamapi’s hands that encircle his body. Yamapi tightens his embrace. “I’m happy that you remember me again,” he says as he rests his chin on Jin’s head and burying his nose on Jin’s hairs.

Jin turns and looks up at Yamapi, “I love you. I’ve fallen in love with you again when I saw you surfing that day. It’s love at first sight like two years ago,”

Yamapi smiles lovingly, “I love you too, always love you,” Yamapi leans to kiss Jin tenderly.