What do I deserve?

What do I deserve?

You left me to deal with this on my own

I’m expected to suck up the tears

Fight the pain that I feel

You left me with all the pieces to pick up by myself

If I saw you I’d start to cry

It would be like seeing a ghost

You’ve been dead to me for so long and it’s taken me a long time to get over you

I’m not even sure I am

I wish you could hold me and tell me it will be alright

I wish you could wipe the tears that you caused

I wish you could pick up the pieces and give me some of your strength because

I feel like I was left with none.

I wish I could ask you why?

Why did you leave it for me to deal with by myself?

I want to be vulnerable with you and only you

But the last time I did that

I set myself up for hurt because you took that vulnerability and crushed it

You encouraged me to trust you and the moment I did

You took it away

I wanted to be there

Through the good and the bad

But there

As long as we were progressing, I was going to be there on the hard days, as much as the good

I know you felt like you didn’t deserve me but what if I deserved you?