Ode to September 2000

Hello, youngster.

Enjoying the new millennium? You don’t care. Ten years’ time you still won’t be that bothered but you’ll think about what it means a bit more. Come the big countdown you were rollerblading along the motorway bridge with a whole load of others. I knew you'd regret saying no to those gloves.

Exams in eighteen months. The gateway to the formative years. I’m not telling you the results, it’ll be a huge surprise. Once they’re over you should realise that the best thing that ever happened to you was your own mum. But you won’t. That accident you had six months ago had more of an effect on her than you realise - bear with her when she tries to keep you away from horses in the next ten years. You know she’s on your side at the moment, she hates your form teacher as much as you do. That teacher will do her absolute utmost to quash your musical potential this year, but you’ve already gone too far for her to do any lasting damage.

You’re pretty happy right now, I know your friends are awesome and school is - mostly - okay. A lot of people will do their best to make you feel inferior in the future, it’s the same for everyone. You’ll get yelled at for all kinds of crap which in the long run doesn’t matter - forgetting, not showing up, getting angry, being seen and heard. Your relentless timetable of instrumental lessons will do you more good than the trouble they get you in with academic teachers. But here’s something about teachers. They enter school at the age of five just as you do; they go all the way through the system and then once they’ve graduated university they go back to the system, doing the same thing day in and day out for decades. Once you’re gone they’ll do the same thing to the next year group. You’ll get out of the system and live some - they haven’t. Think of this when you’re getting grief for not adhering to their protocol when you’re eleven years old or something. Humour them, it’s not forever. You’ll learn when to keep your mouth shut - it’s okay to say what you like about teachers when you’re nineteen but at your age it pays to wind your neck in a bit.

I have to monologue about music for a bit because at the age of nine I know you find a lot of it a bit of a chore. First, most easily, persevere with choir. Your current choir rehearsals are appallingly handled, and last thing on a Friday afternoon is a ridiculous time to attempt to engage school children. But think how much you love performing and hang on to that - in years to come you’ll find families in the choirs you join and it’ll do you more good than you’ll ever realise, even when you get to my age.

Second, practice really hard and take everything seriously. You’ll love that piano forever the way you do now. Carry on making up crazy little tunes and write them all down. I could tell you now all the paths and musical milestones your musical future will encounter but you won’t believe me. Anyway, they’ll give you the best feelings you’ll ever have had and I don’t want to ruin that surprise.

You don’t realise now what a companion you have - a lifelong relationship that I’m afraid you’ll only being to appreciate when you’re closer to my age than to yours. There’s some heartache and heartbreak coming your way - I won’t pretend there isn’t and you’re grown up enough to know this by now - just the same as for every single other person in your classroom, in the world. But this will be yours forever. Nurture your piano playing, your singing, your creativity - keep writing, playing, dreaming, thinking, don’t dismiss any idea in your head out of supposed reason or logic.

Please protect your gift, for a gift it is - you are so lucky in the way you hear things and feel things so uniquely and so intuitively. Don’t let it be hurt by anyone telling you anything otherwise and don’t you ever resent it because of the fights you have with the establishment in order to keep it going.

Go to your rehearsals, hole up in practice rooms, keep a record of everything that comes into your head and in time you’ll reap the benefits. School will try to stop you but, as your mother’s so fond of saying, act now and argue the toss later, don’t ever hesitate. You can’t ever fully harness such a powerful force as music but if you put the love in it’ll love you back more than anyone else ever will.

There’s ups and downs along the way, and you’ll always have your music, but there’ll be people there for you too. That’s the good thing about it, music comes with people. It’s okay to let your guard down once in a while. This’ll be the hardest thing for you to learn and I don’t really know if you ever will. But one thing I learnt is that if something’s up, people will prefer you to tell them than for you to try and deal with it and be incredibly moody in the interim. It’s easier for everyone if you let people in - you won’t fully grasp this but if you could just think about it at the age you are now then maybe the next decade will be a bit easier on you and come my age you maybe won’t have so many demons in your head.

I'm telling you all this because I don't want you to worry or anything. I know it sounds like a lot but just read it once and put it away. People say that you're made stronger by bad things happening, and sometimes this is true but sometimes it just makes you a bit crazy. But you'll be happy, I promise. Even just at my age I can tell you with authority that your dreams will come true before too long.

So keep playing, keep practicing. Keep loving everything you love - musicals, stars, magic, writing, travelling, horses, hot weather, cold weather, everything that gets you up in the morning now will still be there in ten years’ time and beyond. I don’t need to tell you to hang on to ladybirds, that’ll last a lifetime. Enjoy things and grow up. Speak to people, try not to hurt too much and try to be bold. Be patient - she won’t understand a word you’re saying a lot of the time but your mum does love you.

Sleep tight, youngster.

Love from Yourself. Aged nineteen.x